A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dated a man for couple of months, finally had sexwith him, while having sex he could not stay erect, believe me I tried everything, I had to finish him off orally, and that was 5 days ago have not heard from him since?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. Mark  +, writes (16 April 2007):
I bet you any money that he feels embarrassed and humiliated. It's not you. He was obviously very nervous, and the moment he thought, "I wonder if I'll be able to perfom?", well, that can be it...
I think you should call him, and tell him you really want to see him again. Don't bring it up unless he does. If he says anything about it, just give him reasurance that you know that can happen, and you aren't worried about it.
The problem now is that since it happened once, it could take him some time to really have the confidence again. Remember it just takes that little thought, "I hope it doesn't happen again!" in his head for a slit second, and it can go again. You see, the brain is the largest sexual organ.
I assume when you say you finished him off orally, that means you were able to make him hard with your mouth. That's fine. If you don't mind doing that, then why not just focus on this for a while, and take the pressure off him to perform. Have him use his fingers and mouth to pleasure you. Hopefully you will be able to get him up to full intercourse with patients.
Men don't like talking about this stuff, it embarrasses them, and can just make it worse. Just tell him you really like him, and love pleasing him orally (assuming you do, and you want to keep seeing him). Spend lots of time hugging him, with clothing on and clothing off.
I hope it works out for you both!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): Men often feel very vulnerable after the firt time of having sex with a woman, the fact that he could not perform makes him even more so. I would not call him, and give him some more space, maybe even wait a couple of weeks before you call him....but I bet he will eventually call you if you have been seeing him for a couple of months and you just had sex for the first time. If he doesn't call, then maybe he is not that interested in a relationship....you really just need to let him tell you.
When he does finally call, don't act mad or even mention that it has been two weeks since you last heard from him, just be your usual happy self and act glad to hear from him, and nail a date to get together for an activity if he fails to do that on the next contact you have with him.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 April 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
Alot of guys get first time jitters. Doesn't matter how long you've been together, the first few times, sometimes nerves get to you. He's probably really embarrassed, or at least that's what it sounds like from what little you've written.
Why don't you take initiative? Call him up and if he doesn't pick up leave a message saying that you had a great time with him and you can't wait to see him again.
If you've been dating him for this long, it seems weird that he would just dissapear on you. Go ahead and give him a buzz!
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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