A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hello..im in a bit of a dilema..ive fallen for this guy and im really in love with him..the thing is that he is widdowed but he has 5 kids..the youngest is the only one that lives with him,hes 12, and he really likes me..the problem is that his daughters really dont like me because they think i want to act like a mother and thats not true,they dont even live with him but they visit him constantly and i really dont like to be there when tey visit..he wants me to come live with him and i love him but i think it will be very complicated to live there..what am i supposed to do when hes working and im left at home..he says we can get another apartment but the girls will still visit him..i relly dont know what to do...i always tell him that the best thing is to stay as we are..me at my home and him at his home but he says he wants me to live with him and im afraid he will get tired of me and leave me.. tell me someone please what am i supposed to do---- Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Kids, no matter how old they are... are going to react like that. It's only natural, their mother is dead and you are looked at initially as a replacement. You shouldn't let them scare you away. It's nothing personal towards you, you're just not their mother and you are with their father. They can't expect their father to spend the rest of his life alone. If you are good to him, and you are good FOR him... then eventually they will see that their father is happy. It may take time, but they will warm up to you.
Don't try to push it or try to get them to like you. Just be yourself, and do what you can to make it work with your boyfriend. If you're thinking about not moving in with him, do so for other reasons besides the older children not liking you. The only way they can start liking you is by getting to know you. Show them that you love their father and that you are not going anywhere.
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