A
male
age
41-50,
*pologetic
writes:a month ago i had a one night stand with a woman i met at a bar. we exchanged info and she wrote me about how it was nice to feel good for a night outside of her bad marriage.. i didn't know she was married. i wrote her i couldnt be involved with a married woman and that she needed to reconcile with her husband.long story short, her husband keylogged her computer and found out, and wrote me a letter threatening to expose what i had done to my friends and family. (turns out he kind of knows who i am through work.) he said he'd punish me within the week. i never replied. over a month has passed with no further word from either wife or husband. but i still fear getting an email or worse, finding something on the internet about me or being harassed by him.question is, after all this time, should i write the husband and apologize for my part in his life being torn apart? or should i let it go?
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married woman, one night stand, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): If the husband threatens you, call the cops. Date married women, or the husband will beat or even have you arrested if you commit a crime against her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): the husband is being silly. if his wife cheated on him, obviously he's at fault - if he was good to her, she wouldn't have wanted to go out cheating on him. He's just trying to attack you cos it's easier than taking the blame on himself. so no, don't apologize.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 First, you have nothing to apologize for. If you do write a letter of apology, you will be giving evidence that you knew she was married.
In fact, he should be THANKING YOU, as you ended it with his wife as soon as you found out she was married.
You MUST keep this perspective in mind in the event he, or anyone else challenges you on this. Otherwise, even if you are not guilty of anything, you will appear to be so.
Next, it is likely that he realized that you did not know, and as soon as you found out you ended it (assuming you wrote this in an email).
Next, if you feel threatened in any way, go to the police NOW and file a report, so that if anything does happen you will at least know what you need to do, and you might even get some help in doing it.
-Frank
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (26 February 2011):
 "a one night stand with a woman i met at a bar" I would bet this is not her first "one night stand" with someone she "met in a bar". And I bet her husband knows this too. I hope you used protection. I would just chalk this up to experience and put it out of your mind.
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A
female
reader, The Girl with the Diver's Hair  +, writes (26 February 2011):
Definatley let it go. He may have forgiven his wife and made up with her but he will be mad at you. Apologising might make him flip aafter he has left you alone for a while. He may have gotten over it. Your writing to 'apologise' will only make matters worse.
Good Luck E
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2011):
Leave it well alone. Do not write to him or anything. His threats were written when he was angry and not thinking. He's had some time to think, and it seems as if he's backed off. Leave her alone, leave him alone and if he does threaten or do anything, sue him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): Don't apologize, just continue to ignore him and say nothing. if you apologize, he has written proof that you slept with his wife and he would circulate it to anyone and everyone. If you don't say anything, he has nothing to use against you.
You don't owe him an apology, his wife does. You're not the one who took vows with him, she is.
if it wasn't you, it would have been another guy.
he's partly responsible because if his marriage is so bad that his wife finds no remorse sleeping with someone else, how can he not have any responsibility in the disintegration of his marriage?
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