A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I have a partner i love to pieces and he loves me. But sometimes it can be strange. One day he can be the sweetest person ever and the next he can be so mean that it can bring me to tears.He always helps me out if i need it no matter what it is, but it can often make me wonder why he does this if he is only going to be cruel about something else later. Not that i dont appreciate what he does, i guess i just feel unsure of how he will be one day to the next. I am grateful for what he does for us, and try to do just as much for him as he does for me.He has had trouble making decisions about our relationship for a little while, so he has been hot and cold before. e.g. he says he wants to leave but doesnt want to because he adores me.Is there something i am doing wrong? Or is this just a part of something else? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): you are looking at life from a male's point of view. what your partner does, is what women do to their partners on a daily basis.
so, do you like it?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 November 2012):
 It is 100% NOT you.
I agree with Cerberus - this is a nasty controlling dude. He has you even doubting yourself so much that you can't see that the good in this relationship can NEVER outweigh the bad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): Ever heard of the mean/sweet cycle of abusers OP. Well that's what he's doing and it's a manipulation OP. He may not be physically abusive, he may not call you names but being mean, making you feel worthless, making you feel like you're not good enough, threatening to leave you, they're all abusive tendencies OP and while he says he adores you that's the last thing he feels. He's manipulating and controlling you by keeping you down, keeping you walking on eggshells and being a bit of a prick OP.
He's basically a "loser" OP. And all the signs are there.
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
He tells you one minute that he adores you, then treats you like a bitch, he even has you thinking you may be doing something wrong. That's a clear mark of his control. He wants to dominate you and he's willing to go as low as you can get to achieve that. I mean he even takes score or the things he does for you, like that's enough or even a thing. You don't keep score in a relationship, you don't do things for your partner so you can use it against them and make them feel they don't enough for you.
People like him are just not capable of healthy relationships OP. To him you're a possession that he needs to keep through shallow means. Hanging your curtains, giving you lifts places and then telling you that he's so good to you, but then being a complete dick because he thinks he's earned the right to.
Well he hasn't, he's just being a possessive, controlling asshole OP and you're in for a rough ride because you love him and aren't going anywhere. Well enjoy never feeling secure in this relationship OP because you never will, he'll lose his control over you if you ever felt comfortable and secure. He's never going to change either, so you have a long tough battle with this and some severe dents to your self-belief to face before you finally realize there is no hope of happiness with a guy like him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 November 2012):
 He is mean to you when he feels suffocated. He is sweet to you when he feels the fear of losing you. A guy who really loves you would not go hot and cold on you. He doesn't want to commit to you but he wants you to commit to him. Tell him what he's doing now is not enough for you to commit to him and if he continues what he's doing you will walk. Or, just end it by saying you feel he doesn't like you enough and you want to be with someone who is considerate of your feelings.
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