A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused100
writes:i met this guy, we'll call him "D" i fell in love with his immediately, we have a great connection and have everything in common. things progressed quickly, living together not long after we started seeing each other. things then got rocky, we broke up a couple times during a 2 year period. during one of these break up's i met someone else, "R". he is smart, amazing, funny and a total catch. we hit things off immediately too. things started moving to quickly and i backed off. mean while "D" came back into my life saying he wanted to be with me and said all the right things so i went back there. this was just over 2 years ago. i have been with "D" ever since but because "R" is apart of my group of friends i see him every now n then. but nearly 2 months ago "D" proposed and i said yes. i am engaged to "D" but over the last month, "R" and i have gotten so much closer again, i've seen him a few times and i cannot deny the chemistry between us. i think about him alot and i always want to talk to him, see him and be around him. what do i do?!?! on one hand i have this amazing fiancé, who loves me, is committed to me and wants to be with me. on the other i have "R" whom i've been attracted too for the good part of 3 years. i know "R" feels the same, he told me so just the other day. he's got his life sorted, knows what he wants and because he is older has it all figured out, apart from me. i really dont know what to do. cons with "D" - we don’t really have ALOT of passion in the bedroom. i mean its good but its not passionate like i want. but we work on so many other levels. but is that only because we are comfortable and don’t want to break up?! if i stay with "D" will i spend the rest of my life wondering about "R" and what we could have again or do i leave "D" and pursue happiness with "R".if i end things with "D" how am i to go about doing it. he works away alot but we have so much tieing us together, finances, cars, we have 2 dogs together. what happens to them? my dogs are like my children but they are our dogs, we got them together. i honestly dont know what to do!! do i follow my head, stay with "D", continue the way we are, get married and have children, but forever wonder what i could have with "R" or do i leave one of the only things i've ever known for the last 4 years and go to "R"??please i need advice!! i know at the end of the day only i can make the decision but how do i go about making up my mind?!?!?!
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broke up, engaged, fell in love, fiance, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Confused100 +, writes (9 March 2010):
Confused100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionah its all so much easier said than done!
thank you for the advice thou!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 March 2010):
Even more the reason to move on. If D actually came to you and you went back without getting to know R, then he's not the one. And given that D dumped you, neither is he.
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A
female
reader, Confused100 +, writes (8 March 2010):
Confused100 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncaring guy,
i think i need to explain the situation more.
when "D" and i broke up, it was brief and on him not me, i didnt want things to end. i saw "R" only for a couple weeks before "D" came back to me. i cared alot about "R" but didnt give it long enough to see what would come of it, i was extatic that "D" wanted me back. but ever since then, whenever i see "R" the feelings i had come rushing back and they dont seem to be going away.
as for laura,
i have never had to live without "D" for very long, i have never been with "R" long enough to know what it would be like to not have him in my life, if that makes any sense.
what i wonder is if "R" wasnt around would i still feel the same about "D" and question the relationship or is it simply cos he is there... am i lookin too much into the grass is greener?? i know "R" would look after me and treat me like a queen but "D" pretty much does that now.. both the head and the heart are confused.. cant i have both haha :P
i guess i need to speak to "D", see where he stands on our relationship as i know he had these kinda feelings before we got engaged, althou his did not involve someone else. am i still with "D" for comfort and dependability?!? i know i love him but love without passion, can it work??
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 No man is complete and the man we seek comes either as a good provider or a Casanova and rarely having both those qualities in a man.
Just as a complete woman should be a lady in the living room, a gourmet chef in the kitchen and a courtesan in the bedroom.
Naturally , you would like to select a man who have both those qualities but unfortunately , you do not have that option.
You will have to ask yourself, would you prefer the one who love you more than you love him or you love him more than he loves you .?
Who is the one that you cannot live without?
If you can answer these two questions,then he is the right man of your choice.
Listen to your head or your heart?
Good luck to you .
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 March 2010):
I always say if you can't choose, it means neither is right. And this is another case. You're with 'D', and this is a relationship that has already had a break up. Meanwhile, you saw a lot of R, but not enough to convince you he was the one. You've done back to D, and you're wondering about R. Time to move on from both. If D was right, you would have worked things out. If R was right, you would never have gone back to D.
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