A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts and Agony Uncles,Here's the deal.I met a girl at a party and liked her but then found out she once did porn. She seemed sweet and even innocent and I could hardly believe it. I found out by googling her name. We spoke about it and she said it was a big mistake of hers. It was also like 4 years ago.Im a broad minded dude so while my friends were like, "DUDE! Stay AWAY!" I was like ok I can put it in the past.But here's the thing, a friend of mine knows some other people who know about this girl, a couple of guys who she once dated. And my friend said she sent them the videos! Even as recent as a few months ago!Now even to me, a broad minded dude, this was weird. if you are over it, why would you send links to people about it. I mean wouldnt you kinda be ashamed?I spoke to a friend of mine and he was like "Dude, it was prolly kinky to do that, like a sex tape."OK, I guess I get that. But still, its like one thing to make a mistake in your life it's quite another to still send it to people even if your dating them.What do you guys think? Am I right or being a uncharacteristically close minded dude?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): If she's sending links, tapes, files, whatever... she's still wanting to be in it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 February 2012):
 That's awesome that you don't watch porn yourself.
The only thing I would like to point out in your story is that you are getting gossip, hearsay, rumor from your friend. It's possible people spread lies about her because she once made a mistake. So that's what you might want consider, what you know you know and what you think you know could well be two different things.
So, good on ya for not being a porn consumer. I mean, if you were, you couldn't really be judging where the 'talent' comes from, could you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK Agony Dudes,
Thank you for your feedback. I reckon it's like this. Yeah, what man likes his wife to have done porn? Nobody. But bein a open minded dude, I could be like, OK, it was done in the past and we all make mistakes specially when we are young so yeah ok lets move on. Yeah I can actually do this.
But not when she still feels confomortable having done this stuff!!
To me, that means she would do it again if he had a chance.
And that is just.not.cool with me.
How could a guy be serious with a girl who would still do porn?
Thanks for makeing is clearer, dudes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2012): Porn aside, could you see yourself getting really serious about this woman? If so. Source all the porn she was involved in. Sit down and watch it. Then imagine her being your wife. So how would you feel, knowing all that material is out there featuring YOUR wife? If its a bad feeling now, magnify that by a 1,0000. Because thats how bad you could end up feeling. It is one thing to dream of dating a porn star but the reality is never so hot. So do your research then make a decision. The fact that shes still sending these things to other people, shows she is not over her past. If she hasnt really moved on, then she is a big risk and potential embarrassment. You need to do some research and make a decision.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 February 2012):
 If it's something you aren't comfortable about, you aren't comfortable. Doesn't necessarily makes you a close minded person.
I don't really think she sees her porn making as a mistake, not if she sends it to people.
I'm guessing she wanted you to think of her as a person, not a "porn star". That is why she said it was a mistake.
Either you dig her and don't care about her past, or you just aren't comfortable and you move on. Nothing wrong with either scenario.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (28 February 2012):
 One may regret making a certain choice at a certain point of time but still be comfortable of the acts done as a consequence of that decision. And if the opposite person asked to see her porn clip and was someone she trusted (maybe wrongly but that's a different matter) she wouldshare it.
Contradictory, yes, but people can be like that. If you can accept her past otherwise, this doesn't sound like THAT big a red flag.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 It's not a matter of right or wrong, it's a matter of having a different moral compass.
I don't think she feels ashamed or guilty about her past, otherwise, as you notice, she'd make sure it stays safely PAST and she ewould not go around advertising her skills, even for strictly sexual purposes.
Not that she necessarily HAS to be ashamed. For some people , it's just a job like any other job. In a way ,good for her. While personally I would not have made that choice for any amount of money whatsoever, I am all for owning your choices : As long as it is legal, you've got to do your thing and be true to yourself.
Only, ...it seems that she only succeded half way in that. Probably she does not feel bad personally about her past- but she cares about how other people ( you ) may feel about it. She got to " own " her sexual choices- but not how other people see them. That's why she tells you " it was a mistake " but then does not act as if she feels that .
In other words, she probably told you what you wanted to hear, or what she thought you wanted to hear.
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A
male
reader, alphamalesyndrome +, writes (28 February 2012):
Nah, you're totally normal. She probably likes you and is very insecure, so when she sensed that you kind of disapproved of her doing porn, she told you what you wanted to hear: that it was a mistake and she regrets it.
Since, again, she is probably very insecure, with other guys she dated, when she sensed that they may be into that stuff, she showed them the video with pride. She does what she does to get approval from men.
I don't think she's worth putting serious effort into for a relationship bro. Too many insecurities, and getting over that she did porn will get tougher as you start to like her more. Plus, you're already over 35. Time to stop wasting time.
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