A
female
age
30-35,
*ercedes_Williams
writes:Dear agony aunts, I need to understand how men's mind work... There's this guy at work I go out with sometimes. We both made it clear that we don't want to be in a relationship and that "it's just sex, no strings attached".I know myself. I know I won't be able to keep this for long, especially because he's charming, and good looking, and smart... So, I need to know, is there any chance that, in time, he'll fall for me? or am I just toy he gets to play with every now and then?Tks!ps: he's a nice a guy, we get along, but he keeps his distance... and so do I.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 May 2014):
 Here's "how a guy's mind works":
A small portion of it is used for survival functions, such as breathing, heart pumping blood, and telling us when we are hungry or thirsty. This portion is about 2%.
The other portion of our mind is focused solely upon our penis, and finding a soft, warm place to put it...
Considering that... AND, that you have already put out for this guy ... I think the chances are slim-to-none that he is going to "fall for you."
Good luck...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2014): It's possible. But not probable. You obviously care for this man. So you're best chance is to pretend you don't.
You need to get him to see you in a difee rent light. Keep the sex going but have a male friend start texting you in his presence. Or show up when you go out. Tell him to be flirty. You need to make him jealous. How he reacts will speak volumes.
He will either not care...which gives you your answer. Or he will start asking questions. Who was that? Is it serious? Etc...sometimes men dont appreciate something until they are threatened with losing it. If he feels he doesn't want to share you; there's a chance. If he seems to not care...then he simply doesn't care.
...............................
A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (25 May 2014):
 Hello. When i saw your question, i thought that i'm in a similar situation. I have been asking myself the same question and the answers have really been of great help. If he really wanted to have a relationship with you, he would have treated you differently. He just wants to take the only thing he wants from you, your body. He can take your body but dont find you worthy enough for a relationship. You agreed to it. My advice is that you need to be bold and end this. You should want something better for you not a vagina for a man. You have already get attached as a woman. Stop humiliating yourself. A man gives love to have sex but a woman gives sex to have love
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (25 May 2014):
 No, the fact that you're here shows that you're already falling for him if you want to know what the odds are. I say break off the FWB thing that you guys have going on so you don't get hurt. If he comes running back wanting a relationship with you then you have your answer, if not, you'll have an answer you probably didn't want.
Goodluck
...............................
A
female
reader, tibob +, writes (25 May 2014):
Hello. When i saw your question, i thought that i'm in a similar situation. I have been asking myself the same question and the answers have really been of great help. If he really wanted to have a relationship with you, he would have treated you differently. He just wants to take the only thing he wants from you, your body. He can take your body but dont find you worthy enough for a relationship. You agreed to it. My advice is that you need to be bold and end this. You should want something better for you not a vagina for a man. You have already get attached as a woman. Stop humiliating yourself. A man gives love to have sex but a woman gives sex to have love
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 May 2014):
Of course guys fall I'm love with women they're having sex with. Just search the archives here and you'll find plenty of situations where guys fell in love with their fwb.
It's probably less common then with women, but it absolutely is a possibility.
There's no way to know if it'll happen.
If you want it to happen you can't push for it, you just have to be great and fun to be with. Make him think you guys could be good together. If you start to feel like he likes you then be brave and start a conversation.
...............................
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (25 May 2014):
 " i need to know is there a chance that in time, he'll fall for me ?" you have already fallen for him or you would not be asking.
"i need to understand how mans mind works " "its just sex no strings attached" he will be after no strings sex, and you will come out on the short end. you have fallen for him already that is why you are asking.
sometimes the woman ends up with an emotional attachment after sex, and gets hurt. she has given her mind, body, and heart to the guy.
he is after one think and that is what you will give him. a guy will tell you what you want to hear to get sex. a nice guy will not be trying to use you for what he can get from you. if you are going to give it this guy will take it.
find a nice guy for a relationship, not one to use you.
...............................
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive +, writes (25 May 2014):
 No, he won't fall for you. Unfortunately, you lost any chance of a relationship with him when you agreed to no strings attached. Men don't see women they get in FWB situations as "girlfriend material".
I would break this off BEFORE you inevitably fall for him. You'll save yourself a lot of hurt. You'll also save yourself a lot of time, because time you spent with him could have been used to look for someone who is looking for the same thing you are. You may have THOUGHT this is what you wanted, but clearly it is not.
There are plenty of charming, smart, and good looking men out there. Next time you find one, don't make this mistake again. Get in a relationship BEFORE you have sex.
I second what Mark said, especially his followup. Any guy knows how to be nice when he knows he'll be getting sex in return.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 p.s. All guys are nice guys when they want sex!
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (24 May 2014):
"is there any chance that, in time, he'll fall for me?"
NO! NO! NO!
Men don't need/develop an emotional attachment with someone they are having sex with. Women do! That's why these "arrangements" always end in tears.
When a man says he wants No Strings Attached/Friends with benefits, he means exactly that. He wants you simply for sex as and when it suits. Nothing more. Men do not develop feelings with a sex buddy. Doesn't happen.
You will develop feelings that he will not return. Of course he may give hints and flirtations that he may one day feel something if he feels he sex on tap is being jepodized. But it wont be true. You will get hurt in this situation.
Please don't make the common mistake of thinking you can make a man fall for you by sleeping with him when he makes it clear he is not looking for the same thing. It will only lead to hurt.
Plus you should never get involved, especially with a FWB situation, with a co-worker. What happens when you fall deeply and madly in love with him and he doesn't feel the same? Then how do you intend to work together without it being a huge problem?
Mark
...............................
|
