A
female
age
36-40,
*ididoo
writes:My best friend is overseas for half a year and I miss her terribly. I’m so in love with her. I’m pretty sure that she’s miserable without me too, but is too afraid to admit it. Neither of us are supposedly lesbian or bisexual. I don’t want to be the one to confess my feelings because she’s the one that left for overseas and in the past she’s the one that has had boyfriends and suspected that I was in love with her, also I have admitted to being attracted to her, so I feel like she should also “fight” for us a little bit. I’m currently seeing this guy, but all I ever think about is her. What should I do?
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female
reader, dididoo +, writes (22 October 2009):
dididoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm bisexual... but that's not the point. i'm not out or anything, but again that's not the point. the point is that I think she's in love with me, but I'm scared that maybe I'm wrong, and I would be completely heartbroken if that was the case.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): Hi
Yeah, perhaps you are right. Also, I would advise you to consider the extent of your attraction towards women. As gerta says, it could be for that one particular girl, or are you attracted to women in general.
Best of Luck
Love
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A
female
reader, dididoo +, writes (10 October 2009):
dididoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess she really just doesn't love me enough if she's not saying anything, there's a limit to how afraid a person can be!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Hi
It doesn't matter what we think! What matters is that you don't set yourself up for more hurt! ANd that is why we all ask you to be careful!
NO point begging someone to be in a relationship when they aren't sure! Also, it gets even more difficult if the person involved is your best friend.
So, we ask you to be a bit more careful. And, darling, no outsider can ever guess what goes on between two people, it is for them to decide. IF your relationship is 'meant' to be, then it will happen! (hate to say that, but mean it).
Also, this is going to take a lot of patience and guts. ANd right now, thinking about the issue won't help at all.
IF you are sure of your sexuality (and that your best friend is not the only exception) then I suggest you go out with girls that are sure of themselves. NO point in dangling the man you are dating. Just think the kind of pain you might be setting him into (unconsciously) of course.
SO, i wish you the very best
LOVE :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Seriously , i think that it is wishful thinking, i really do not think that she fancies you in any way at all, or she would have come out to you!!!!!
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A
female
reader, dididoo +, writes (8 October 2009):
dididoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hope that it's not wishful thinking and she does miss me as more than just a friend. It's just one of those things you have a gut feeling about. I've had other close friends go away for some time and it wasn't the same between us. It actually felt as though my Girlfriend was away and not just any friend, the way we acted, up until I met the guy I'm dating.
But what I'm afraid of is that maybe my gut feeling is just wishful thinking?
Because if I'm so right, then why doesn't she come out and say something?
She doesn't hide the fact that I'm really important to her but it seems that she would never dare to act out on her feelings. I assume because she wants a "normal" life, is afraid of acceptance, and wouldn't want to lose me as her friend.
Maybe if she would've stayed, she would have acted out on her feelings because things really intensified between us before she left. I did drunkenly admit to being attracted to her a few weeks before she left which she didn't really do much about, and I feel like the ball is in her court now. I also told her that I'm not sure what I want with this new guy.
If she'd reject me, I'd be devastated. I'm probably, like, "overly in love" with her and have been for very long.
We have drunkenly made out a few times in the very distant past, but then I think she got freaked out and it completely stopped. We never ever speak about it and if the issue of lesbians comes up - I feel totally uncomfortable and say things to deny being into girls - I think she gets a bit uncomfortable as well but I can't be sure because I'm running on a different mode when the topic comes up.
But I guess that is a good start.. to somehow.. I have no idea how.. bring up something that has to do with lesbians.
Even though I resent having to do all the work to make this happen.
Do you think that this is just wishful thinking? since I'm the one having to make this happen?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): HI
She is away and she is your best friend! I must say that you are in a tough situation right now.
Before you even think of starting a relationship with her, please plan for a rejection. That is, what are you going to do if she is still interested in men... Will you be okay with it etc.
Also, if you are truly attracted to her, then I suppose you cannot keep it bottled in for too long. SO before you set out, why don't you feel her a bit... like, hey I was watching this movie and it had a great scene where two girls hooked up... I mean, hey, would you ever think of hooking up with a girl... or why not discuss the case of Portia and Ellen, or any similar relationship... and if you feel that there are some signals, then well... you could slowly, with caution, ask her out!!!
It takes two to tango and remember, she is your best friend who is away, right now.... so before she gets back, all you can do is send her these little feelers... if she is keen, I am sure that she will pick up on it.. and hopefully ask you out.
Things like love and relationships need time, but, if she truly is your best friend then you guys should know each other's preferred sexuality, right?
Also, make sure that you indeed are into women and that this isn't some passing idea, ok!
Best of Luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): It is natural to miss your best friend. One thing i shall say is don't misconstrew the fact that you think 'she's miserable without you too' for more than what it is - missing her BEST FRIEND, not person that she is in love with
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