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Need to move on from FWB situation

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 April 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2013)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I am 53 years old. I met a man 3 years ago after we both were fresh out of divorce. We dated and are good friends with benefits. He has helped me and I took care of him after an accident. I sold my house due to the divorce and he offered me to live with him (separate bedrooms). We get along very well but of course, I have developed stronger feelings than he has. He recently met someone that he was very interested in but it didn't work out. He seems to always be looking on dating sites so I feel he wants a relationship just not with me. I on the other hand realized how much I cared for him and decided it was time to move out. Since finding out I was serious and looking at places we have had great sex almost every night for the past two weeks. Before we would get together a couple times a week. I asked him what this was all about and he said he really didn't know. We have heart-to-heart talks and are very open with each other but this has me perplexed.

View related questions: divorce, friend with benefits, move on

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (8 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntHim having sex with you nightly is not his way of saying "don't go I care more about you than I am willing to admit"

it's more of a "let's get it on while the getting's good as she's going to be leaving shortly"

Do not read more into this action than is really there... his readily available NSA sex buddy is leaving.... he's just stocking up for the dry spell....

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A male reader, eddie85 United States +, writes (7 April 2013):

eddie85 agony auntI agree with Janniepeg. Imagine that he was going off to a foreign country for a long time and he may not return (ala a war situation). How do you think you'd have sex? Probably pretty intensely -- especially if it was possibly the last time you'd see one another.

I think that is what is going on right now. He is getting what he can while the goings good. Guys can be like that: we'll take sex just about any way we can get it... and the fact that you could be leaving means he wants to make a memory for himself and you.

I sense that you are sitting on the fence. On one side you want more and on the other you like what you have and what may be beginning. If your feelings are as strong as you say they are, I think you should have a talk with him. Tell him that you are tired of the casualness of your relationship -- that you want a deeper experience and that you like him well enough to explore what you may have in common.

See how he reacts. Perhaps he is on dating sites and such because he figured you just wanted a friends with benefits situation as well. Or he could be gun shy about becoming emotionally involved with someone again so soon after his divorce.

To figure out the truth and see what you mean to him, you are going to have to take that first step and put yourself out there. You really don't have anything to lose by not doing so.

Eddie

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (7 April 2013):

janniepeg agony auntSex is always greatest when there is a deadline, making you make the most out of it before it's gone. Which means, for this particular guy, a sure way to kill a sex life is to get married. Don't put too much hope on finding a long lasting relationship, at the same time, passionate sex forever, especially on a man who won't even woo you from the beginning.

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