A
male
age
30-35,
*alala
writes:Hello Everyone, I am just overcoming a bad breakup and I now like a girl who caught my interest with her personality. At first she seemed very sincere and caring which drew me in. I am not sure if she likes me back. I think she does because of the vibes I am getting. However, I know I cannot be in a relationship because my schoolwork is my priority and I simply cannot handle a relationship. I find myself thinking about her when I should be studying. I know that I have to really focus on ME and stop worrying about her but I feel myself drifting from that idea. Also another thing is that I get this vibe that she may be a cheater or a bit promiscuous. When she flirts with guys around me I must admit it bothers me a bit. WE arent even dating! Clearly I need help with not focusing on her, not letting her flirting with other guys bother me, and I need help with refocusing. If anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated!!
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male
reader, lalala +, writes (14 November 2010):
lalala is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey folks thanks a bunch for your replies! I apolagize because I made it seem as if I am not over my ex. When I said that I am just overcoming a bad breakup I meant that I am at a point where I feel that I am just now able to say I am over her. We broke up a year and a half ago and I now feel ready to move on which is why I find myself attracted to the new girl. But thank you all for your advice. It has allowed me to see things in a new way!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): ~YOU'RE NOT ALONE~
The exact same situation happened with me.
It's been nearly 4 months for me.
I remain in love with my ex, and if it wasn't for the support and love of a very dear friend who is also enduring the same I know I would have fallen completely apart.
While my friend is the type of individual who I could see myself sharing the rest of my life with, I am very careful not to go beyond level one intimacy with her because it wouldn't be fair to her or myself when I remain in love with my ex and only love her as a friend.
My ex recently contacted me and we are back to being friends. I'm very happy about this and equally important I'm very happy that my love for my ex is what prevented me from going beyond level one intimacy with my friend because I would have been very hurt and guilt ridden fro having treated her as a rebound.
You say that you are attracted to this new girl and that she distracts you from your school work and that you recognize that you're not ready for a relationship. I strongly advise that you keep distance between you and the new girl as she will be a rebound and not simply as loving understanding platonic friend as with the situation with my friend and I. The consequnces of a rebound relationship would only create unnecessary pain and chaos for the new girel and yourself.
And with respect to finding away to rid the distraction of your ex, engage yourself in extra curricular activities...go for a jog when she pops into your mind...
I know exactly what you're enduring but getting involved with a new girl at this point is definitely not the solution for getting your ex out of your head or condusive to allowing you to focus on your studies that pave a beneficial for your professional future ahead.
Healing takes time not rebound.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 November 2010):
Girls are always on the brain, but I recommend keeping yourself busy. Do some activities with roommates/friends. Go out more, pick up a casual sport for fun, go to the gym, etc.
Like you said, you just got out of a relationship. Now is NOT a good time to hop into another one. If you're getting jealous of her talking/flirting with other guys when you aren't even together, you know you're not thinking straight. Take some time to get your head screwed on right again; I know how bad breakups can twist our heads around...
Good luck man. Just keep yourself busy. That's the best I got.
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