A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Since I am in college and my girlfriend is still in high school she asked me if she could go the winter ball at another high school. I told her yes and why she even had to ask me. She then tells me since the ball is at another school she can't go without someone from that school inviting her. So basically she's asking me if she can go on a date with another guy at this ball. She stresses to me that its not a date, but its only so she can go to the ball and be with other friends. I don't know how to answer this question, I feel I can trust my girlfriend, but I have no clue who this guy is and am worried he is going to want to make a move on her. If I say no my girlfriend will definitely argue that I don't trust her, but if I say yes I'm letting a random guy take my girlfriend on a date. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I had this issue with me and my boyfriend. I wanted to go to the homecoming dance with him at my school. But he couldnt go because he is at a different high school than i am, and his school wouldnt sign the papers to allow him to be at my dance. So i was asked by a couple guys. And this one guy Dylan asked me. He was my good friend. but i told my boyfriend i wanted to go, and it wouldnt be a date or anything, it would be just for fun. He got upset, and came out and told me he didnt want me going with him. He said i could go, but not with another guy. I decided not to go because i love him to much to do that to him. Basically, your girlfriend is dealing with the same problem as i was. so i know what she feels. Theres so much to say about this.If you dont want her to go, then tell her you dont want her going, then EXPLAIN to her why. she will understand if she really loves you. Girls only like when your honest. not when you lie. trust me I WOULD KNOW.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Boom. Reader anon nailed it. You have a very legitimate question here. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): she is still young. She may not yet be entirely committed to you. Her actions indicate that, no matter if she says otherwise. She still feels a little fancy free, if something really excites her - like attending a ball. She is not a possession, and i did NOT gain any such impression that you think that. Let her know how much she means to you, and if you truly love her, then tell her it is so. But also be realistic, she may be less committed to you, than you are to her. Be patient and loving, and dont churn yourself up with jealousy. A guy has asked her, she's flattered by the invitation. She's accepted the offer. She is neither your fiance nor your wife. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If she fails your trust you will know eventually. If she does not fail your trust she will love you all the more for showing confidence in her.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (14 November 2010):
 I dont think you'll have anything to worry about. Your girlfriend did ask for your permission, so I dont think she'll allow anything to happen (let the guy "make a move on her"). Im not sure exactly how all school dances function, but couldnt she go with you even if you dont to their schools? Just a thought...
To put your mind at ease you can suggest to let you meet the guy she's going with. Tell her you trust her and want her to have a good time, but as het boyfriend you feel an obligation to make sure she'll be okay.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 November 2010):
This is always the toughest of situations. As a guy, we know how other guys think and what sort of deception they are capable of. Women don't tend to see this. I've witnessed countless great friends of mine fall for the worst of guys because of how smooth and manipulative they are. We feel the need to protect them from this, when they don't even want to be protected.Anyways, you need to really talk to her about this first. You both need to talk on a more personal level (if you can meet in person, or even video chat, that would be better than over the phone) and really express to her that you're uncomfortable with the idea. DON'T say that she can't go. Tell her you want her to enjoy herself with her friends and have a great time, its just that not knowing this other guy makes you nervous.This way you don't come off as controlling, but at the same time you aren't just allowing her to run off with other guys. Let her know how it makes you feel.Overall though, you need to trust her. The biggest problem is that she may feel its her you don't trust. Make it clear that its not her, its the other guy. Once again, don't forbid her to go, but say that you'd like to talk more about it. Maybe you can come up with a compromise? If she promises to give you a quick 5 minute call every 2-3 hours just to tell you how everything is going, would that change anything? Think about it. You may have to go this night feeling uncomfortable, but if she knows you're only looking out for her, I'm sure she'd be more than willing to accommodate for you. Good luck!
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