A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I believe it is time I cut ties with an old friend of mine. We have been friends for about 7 years, and lived together twice. Even though we get in some very heated arguements I would like to end things on good terms.Her morals are very different than mine and she can be pretty reckless. Most of the time I don't tell her why I think getting drunk and making out/sleeping with our mutual friends is a bad idea, because it's her choice, BUT it has brought many problems into our group of friends and even caused us to lose friends.Sometimes, she will feel really dumb for her actions the next morning but it is somehow always the other persons fault (ie: "i cant believe he made out with me last night, i was just like this is soooo gross!")Now this time it really hurt me personally.She was kissed by one of my best friends, who is in a relationship with another close friend of mine. I am hurt because this girl is twice the woman I will ever be and a wonderful girlfriend and if she could be betrayed like that..... Well it's just heartbreaking.Now I say that my friend was 'kissed by' because she claims she had nothing to do with it but I know as well as anyone that it takes two people to kiss. I won't go in to depth about my guy friend because this isn't a post about him (but that doesn't mean I didn't beat the shit out of him for it.)This was just one instance of many (well, at least 8)that has completly destroyed my trust with her. I stll treasure our good times together but I don't want any future "accidents" to happen with my fiance or other friends.How do I go about breaking of a friendship without making her feel like shit?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I agree. You can't avoid hurt feelings, especially if you cut ties all at once. Doing it gradually softens the blow for both of you. It avoids unnecessary confrontation, which is just as well since she'll be too hurt and angry to really listen to your reasons anyway.
An important part of effective communication is timing and knowing when NOT to say something. Saying very little and allowing someone to figure things out for themselves can have a profound effect.
She's bound to re-evaluate her behaviour at some point if people start distancing themselves from her.
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I personally found that, when I was in a situation like this, the best thing for me was to slowly break ties. Do it all of a sudden--"cold turkey"--was just too much for me. I first took time in returning calls and emails. Then I stopped seeing her so often, and slowly, slowly allowed the relationship to weaken. It created necessary distance between us which also allowed to reevaluate the relationship with more objectivity. This might work for you if you feel a sudden break would be too drastic.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 May 2011):
 If she hangs out with mutual friends you guys are going to be running into each other constantly. I would just stop hanging out with her one on one. You've sunddenly become a very busy woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): I wouldn't be friends with someone who is giving me a problem or is causing trouble... be friends with people that are less troublesome.. :D just to make things easier for you. Goodluck!
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