A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf are on a break for a while (a month) and I am really struggling with it. It's only been a week, but we are still talking and texting and he tells me that he loves me still. Things have been tough for a while and although i thnik it's a good idea, I miss him so much.The problem I have is that while I am missing him terribly - I keep crying and I am counting the days until we meet up at the end of the month - he has told me that he is feeling better for it and although he misses me, he says he is too busy to feel desperate about it. Is this normal? I mean, i am a super needy person so maybe my missing him is OTT and HE is the one who is being healthy? He is a much more logical person than I whereas I am over emotional and also I suffer from depression and anxiety. He also has a very stressful job and is currently working nights. I miss him so much. I cant see me being able to go through another three weeks of not seeing him and I know i am only making things worse by acting all needy and desperate aroud him but I just keep feeling so negative and panicky. My medication and therapy help abit but I still manage to get engulfed in anxiety and fear. PLEASE, I really dont want replies saying that he is a bad person or that being on a break doesnt work, these kind of replies will jsut exasperate my anxiety even more. What I would like is some sensible advice from intelligent people who can give me sound advice to cope with this situation and also if i am the one who is being unhealthy by finding three weeks unbearable, please tell me. I mean, logically I know it is only three weeks but emotionally it is tearing me apart. Please help.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Ok well first off I do think that taking a break can really help relationships, especially if there is a needy person because it makes them value there partner more. But Hunny the break is not going to work if you are both still in contact with each other. The whole point of a break is not just about avoiding each other it should be based on no contact at all until the month is up. But you both dont seem to be doing that.
You have only not seen each other for a week and realistically this is not a long time. Yes three weeks might seem forever to you right now but you need to take your mind of it and stop thinking about him. You need to distract yourself and keep yourself busy. It sounds like you rely on this relationship to much and that is quite unhealthy.
You need to start being more independant. So use the three weeks to start living your own life. Keep yourself busy, plan nights out, meet up with friends, go shopping, try new hobbies, join new clubs, anything that will keep you busy and so that you are enjoying yourself.
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