A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married almost 21 years. We met in California, which is where we have chosen to live. However, my wife's mom is from the South. Her mom lived in other places during our marriage including Alaska, Washington, and California, but when she retired she decided to move back home to the South. This situation causes a lot of trouble in our marriage, because my wife is constantly homesick both for her mom and for the South. I will never, ever live in the South for a lot of reasons. However, I have told my wife she is welcome to go stay with her mom for months at a time if that's what she wants. She is very torn, because she doesn't particularly care for the South either (why she left) and her career is also here. However, her mom is not willing to move out here as the cost of living is too high (she can afford it, but it would impact her lifestyle) and she is not used to an urban way of life. My wife and I have the worst fights about this with me usually telling her to go stay with her mom if she's homesick and her getting very emotional and saying I don't know what it's like. However, my mom moved to Florida a decade ago so I *DO* know what it's like. I just don't have the same kind of relationship with my mom that she has with hers. (I do love my mom very much, but I feel I am an adult, she is an adult, and that we chose to live in different places... so what.)I would appreciate some advice, because this is really starting to wear on me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Does her mom have internet? Does your wife? A laptop? A webcam? Skype is a great thing, and so is Facebook video chat.
In this day and age, if she misses her mom, turn on the camera and chat away! My parents, even my technically challenged mom got a webcam and we can talk anytime we want. They recently got together with one of my brothers, and I was there by cam making his young son laugh.
Other than that, it happens. We grow up, leave the nest, make our own way, and that's the circle of life. Our kids will do that to us someday.
Your wife needs more help than just to be with her mom. If she's at the point of fighting you about the issue, then she's got happiness issues all around. It may be a good idea for her to see someone, because depression is something that many people are in denial that they have, so they mask it into an issue like missing a parent. Chances are if her mom were in the area, something else would take the focus of her unhappiness. You have been reacting to her issue with her mom, which is logical. However, maybe go deeper and tell her she needs to get help in dealing with unhappiness and depression.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi, would you not consider a quarterly trip (if you can afford it) to visit her mom and she could stay longer if dhe desired. This should settle the matter as its a compromise.
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