A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A question for women my ex recently left because she said that we grew apart. She was the one who wanted to leave so I told her to leave it began to get a bit messy because she did not have the money to leave and expected me to give it to her. This is from a woman who paid for nothing in relationship she had not paid electric for 5 months. I was paying 1500 for $mortgage. it finally came to a point where I told her to leave because I was still trying to convince her to stay and make it work but she did not want to stay. She finally left after 2 months and I spoke to her and told her "the way your talking you make it seem like I threw u out". U know what she told me "you did" can anyone try to explain?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): People who leave, who want to leave, and who are unhappy in relationships and don't want to work on them, frequently just blame the other person for all of it.
It is a defense mechanism of sorts.
They can't see the whole picture till they have had a lot of counseling so they can see their own part in all of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Maybe she is unfairly attempting to suggest that you "forced" to have to leave as that would sort of mean it was your fault.
It was fair what you did, women and men who scrounge need to sort themselves out
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank for all the comment i really did realize that i was her crutch but alway thought that she would come around it but i guss i was wrong. you can't change something that does not want to get changed or has no incentive to change.
thanks again everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): You walk away, she left you, she's no longer any of your concern and even if she was still with you, then you can't make a person change, only they can do that. What you can do is stop being the enabler for all this, you're the one actually helping her stay this way because any time something bad happens you jump to the rescue. She doesn't need to change because everything always gets done for her by you. What incentive has she to change? You actually really believe you're being good to her don't you? By picking up the pieces every time, by always solving all her problems what reason has she got to ever think she has to do anything herself?
I mean you say she buries her head in the sand hoping stuff will go away, because for her with you around that actually does happen. How can you not see all this, you're busy trying to 'tell' her to change, when all the while you're actually the root cause of her laziness and ostrich like behaviour.
I mean if she decided she just didn't want to have to deal with wiping her own arse anymore, you'd probably try and talk to her about it over and over again but then I bet you'd do what you always end up doing when you realize talking is futile, you'd run right to her with toilet roll in hand ready to do it for her.
Don't take offence by my tone or the content of my post, but you just don't seem to get how this works. You might not have made her this way, but you really are just making it a million times worse for her and for you.
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Letting go is the best thing... Anything else is seen as clinging and controlling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe does not want to talk. She has always been a person to ignore the problem and it will go away. I've tried talking to her mom to see if she can get thru to her but nothing happened. I've told her that keeping her feeling inside is only hurting her. She has high blood pressure and will not take the pills I've told her the only one she's hurting is her and her kids by being stuborn. What do you do with a person like this that will not listen to anything even if its for there own good?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): google "borderline personality disorder"
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried talking to her several time but no use she has 3 kids from prior relations and I just kept trying help her. But I became more of a parent than a bf. She would shut down when I tried talking to her about anything and would not respond.
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male
reader, schacm  +, writes (8 December 2010):
on a simple term , she sounds like she is just being irational because she is angry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Sometimes it can be easier to blame others, it can be a coping mechanism. But then again even though you tried to make her stay you weren't willing to let her use you any further so you did what you had to and told her to leave. So technically from her point of view you made her leave. The final act of her leaving was something you had to do.
Don't worry about it, it's all just semantics anyway, what difference does it make in the long term? Frankly who had the final say in it doesn't matter, it's just a petty technicality and you shouldn't get hung up on it. The fact remains she was leaving you, but she was pissing about delaying it and using you for financial support, so you had to step up and stop that. Done and dusted. Don't worry about this he said/she said crap.
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