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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: been married for 20 years.had very wonderful sex life i never ever thought this could happen to me. we are not young.i m 52 and she is 48.we have three kids 18 yr. 16 and 12. she has been a house wife all her life.last year she told me that she wants to do some job as kids are grown up now.she got one job every thing was good for first three four months than i saw change in her beheveior. i found out that she is having sex with her boss who is only 28 year married man .first i thought this is all in my head this is not possible.but it was true though she never admitted.anyway i made her quit the job.we had strained relations after that.but again all of a sudden she was very loving and caring to me. it took me almost 10 months to get over it. i work in nights. one day in the mornning when i came back from work i knew that there was somebody in the house.so i decided to check and i was right she was calling somebody and having sex when i m not there .i recorded every thing but only audio. now she is giving me all kind of lies.she is still not admitting this,on top of that she is blaming me for spying on her.she says she wants to work things out i do not want to leave her but i can not stay with her the pain is killing me.she does not want to talk about it.please somebody help.i have become sick i have left my job. please somebody out there help me advice me what should i do.she has f*****d up my 20 yr. of marriage i m not young to start new life pleeeeeeeeeeese help
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female
reader, Ginalolabridga  +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Hi I can relate to your dilemma i too was married 29 yrs when i discovered my husband was cheaing behind my back with prostitutes can you imagine the shock of discovering this?Yes you are ill, sick with worry what is to become of you/kids/life etc; i too like you was in a mess.I would sit her down and seriously have a talk with her she may well be going through some kind of menopausal phase and also finding a new found freedom after being at home for years with the kids!Sounds to me there is a lot of hormones chasing about with her.She will lie to cover up her cheating a cheater never wants to be found out so she will lie at every opportunity she gets to protect her self interests really you both need to know where this is all going i doubt her 28 yr old lover will stay around for long my hubby was using 20/30 yr old prostitutes he was 52 this yr and i asked him does he honestly think a 20+ yr old girl would have anything in common with you did he think he would pull a girl that age unless he was paying her? No is the answer and it works the other way too a married woman most likely sterilised kids all grown up is no threat to a young lad think about it most guys will have sex with anything that walks!!!I don't mean to be too rude here but i feel if she is really wanting something you are not providing her with anymore is this the reason she is using? Or are they other issues such as you both drifting apart?Whatever the reason you both need to sit and talk i am guessing all your kids are still at home and therfore need there mum and dad so it is important she is being responsible too so many issues i see here that need rectifying please sit and tell her how this is making you feel you have left your job? How does she cope with that? Your kids are old enough also to be asking questions is she not wanting to protect them first and foremost?Google Marriage Counselling in your area you will get a list of numbers to call and go along with your wife most of these appts are free however if you feel you want to be seen right away you can donate a little something but please if you want to save your marriage and you sound as if you do get the help you both need you are both going round in circles and going nowhere i wish you both well in this and hope that you both can recover from this and go onto save your marriage but you need to get help it won't come to you Life does go on after infidelity i am living proof of that!! take care.Ginalolabridga
A
female
reader, Aeval  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Your not over the hill yet my friend!! 52 is not that old. I have no doubt you would find someone around the same age as you to spend the rest of your life with who would be faithful! Jeez i can thik of around 10 women I know already! LOL
However, If you really want to make things work then time apart is needed, make her realise that your not going to be taken for granted. I doubt her 28year old lover will stick around for 20 years. Its a long time to give up, but don't you think you are worthy of a wife who will be honest with you and only be with you?
Maybe your wife is going through a mid life thing? Try talking to her or getting her some help....
I wish you the best of luck
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A
female
reader, Aeval +, writes (24 April 2008):
Your not over the hill yet my friend!! 52 is not that old. I have no doubt you would find someone around the same age as you to spend the rest of your life with who would be faithful! Jeez i can thik of around 1
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A
male
reader, Ares +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Anon,
The two of you need some time apart asnd to get some professional help. Playing games of he said she said are going to be counter productive as you have children to worry about. Seek help and make a decision on your future for all concerned.
Vaya con Dios
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I think one person had it right, you personally need to get away. I don't think there will be anyway you will be able to reason with her, she sounds out of control. The more you attempt to help her or the marriage, I think you will end up destroying yourself.
You need to confront her, tell her how you feel betryaed, how she has broken the trust between you two, and that as long as she hides from the truth, won't talk to you but lie, then the marriage is over.
Guys will screw anything, especially a married woman, for they don't have to worry if she gets pregnant, it is the husbands problem. Women don't understand this, and there actions can devestate a man, such as yourself.
The other thing, is that all this time, she may have felt neglected, no romance, no sex, and now, she may have PMS, which plays games with the head.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): What's needed is honesty from both parties about feelings and facts, and then you might be able to work things out. I suggest a counselor, either a marriage counselor, or a non-judgmental clergy person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): OMG. I feel so sorry for you. I've been cheated on too, but only by my bf of 2 years. Just like you, I couldn't believe it was possible, but it happened. You need time apart. Should you decide to forgive her, she should realize her mistake, regret it and promise never to do it again. Don't take her back until she learns from her mistake. On the other hand, you can leave her, as it is not the first time she cheated on you. She cheats, she gets caught. It becomes a cycle. And it gives you pain you don't deserve. If it seems as though she never acknowledges her mistakes and doesn't seem to regret it, then I would have second thoughts of taking her back.
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A
male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (22 April 2008):
The first poster is dead on! Its so frustrating how someone, especially her age, could still act so childish. It would raise all sorts of questions in my head, like if she had been faithful the entire time? Did the other guy give her something that I could never have given her? The insecurities she is placing into your life is unhealthy and something that could stress you to the point that it is knocking years off your life! You probably love your wife, more than anything or anyone could ever imagine, and you probably can not see yourself without her... But, after this, do you honestly think that you could ever look at her the same again? Its not like she made a mistake once, and then learned from it. No... She is intentionally fucking other guys behind your back.This morning on the radio I heard a survey that some college had released on cheating. It says that people can cheat on you, and still love you... So, it may not mean that she does not love you, but she is not satisfied with your relationship. After 20 years of being with her, if she can not bring herself to speak her mind about the marriage then there is nothing really that can be done without some type of outside help/counseling. Waiting it out, talking, etc may not be enough to fix this problem. And like I said, its not like it had happened once, but multiple times. So just think about that. It was not an accident, it was intentional.And, do not think that you can not start again, love comes in all ages! Be strong, and hopefully you will fly right through this mess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): It sound to me like your wife has been basically stuck in the house for years. (not your fault) and that she probably did not feel like a person. What I mean by that is she was the wife, the caregiver, the mom, but she probably didn't feel like just a woman an individual. She went out into the world and started getting attention. Attention she didn't think she could get anymore. To her surprise she was still desired by other men. Istead of just feeling flatterd she acted on her childish butterflies and did the wrong thing. I'm sure you gave her attention too, but as couples get comfortable especiall after 20 years they don't get the butterflies anymore and she probably missed them. We all do. However her behavior is wrong and she is tearing apart the family. I gaurantee that if you left her she would be devistated and you playing hard to get and not letting her know what you are doing with your day to day she will get butterflies for you again and she will want you back. The key is is to not give in right away. Make her suffer by your distance. Don't be a mean jerk, but be very advasive about your life while you are seperated. IT will drive her crazy probably to the point that when you do get back together she will never want to go through losing you again. She has forgotten all those feelings she used to have with you and if she can get them back your marriage will be better. But you must decide in the end if you can truley forgive her because if you cannot then it will never work. Just leave for awhile making no promises. Just tell her you don't know what you want and leave and stay w/ friends or a relative for awhile. She won't find it so fun to cheat when she thinks no body knows. Good luck. PS. Just tell the kids you have to stay with someone who needs your help right now. Don't involve them in any of this. THis to will shock her for how mature you are.
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