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My wife can't seem to stay away from speed... or the guy she gets it from.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2005)
A , *oopatient writes:

I have been together with Caroline for 12 years and married for 11. She is 41 and I am 43. Both us us knew it wasn't right to have children in previous relationships, but felt it was right for us and we have a 4 1/2 year old daughter.

We've recently had financial problems during which Caroline began to go out at night on her own. She has also become addicted to speed. But she wasn't returning home until mid morning, sometimes mid afternoon. I believed her flimsy excuses because I wanted to, even more so when she begged me not to leave her.

After 6 weeks of this, she eventually came clean about the fact that she was seeing someone else (the speed supplier, or as she puts it, he just delivers). I was devastated, she seemed so cold about it. She then said she'd ended it and wanted to start again, I agreed. A few days later, I had to stay in hospital overnight for a coronary proceedure. I managed to get a lift home and arrived home earlier than expected, she was in bed with him. I left and stayed at the home of a female friend of ours for a few days.

Caroline came after me, said she wanted me back and just give her one night to end it with him, then come back to the house. I did so, but she hadn't ended it. This was over a week ago. She still stays with him most nights. One of the nights that she stayed here, he came here drunk, abusive and threatening. Two days ago, she asked would I be able to forgive her and start again if she gave him up. I said that I would, but there will probably come a day when I wouldn't be able to do that. She says that she thinks we will be fine together, she just needs a little more time. I even heard her tell a friend that she thinks we'll be able to work it out. I love her so much, and it hurts so much to watch her getting ready to go to him. She spends ages in the shower and walks around in her underwear afterwards. She still doesn't hide her naked body from me.

I was going to go out one night to gauge her reaction. She admitted that she didn't want me to go in case I met someone else.

Do you think that I should hang on and hope to win her back ?

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A reader, akash +, writes (18 May 2005):

I don't know about you and I think you must have done something that she went into another guy but if you didn't do anything wrong i think you shuld not give her another chance because she has already broke your trust 3 or 4 times. So try not to give her another chance and move on to your life. She doen't deserve you and if you give her chance she might do again and again. Good luck

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