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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm extremely frustrated with my husband. Yesterday was his birthday. I had planned to make him breakfast, a cake, then a nice dinner. His 21 year old daughter was going to come over for a while as well. We got up at 2:30am and went shopping for our dinner and some other things we needed. We were having a nice time and enjoying being together, but while shopping he wondered off making me look all over for him. By the time I found him I had a look on my face which was of irritation. He said "why the F**K are you looking at me like that?". I was shocked that he would start cussing at me just because I had an irritated look on my face. It immediately hurt my feelings, then we got into an arguement and left our cart in the store. He actually left me in the store at 3:30 in the morning. I found him then picked him up. We went home, got into bed, then he realized he was being mean and went back to get our things. He apologized and had brought back some flowers for me. I accepted his apology, and things were okay. His daughter called me askign what time she should come over. She wanted to have snacks instead of the dinner I planned, and wanted to watch a football game. Football isn't my thing, and watching a game on tv wasn't in in my plans for the day. Sorry, I'm trying to make the story short, but not doing very well. Anyway, his daughter told me she bought tickets for her and her dad to see a football game a few Sundays from now. I nicely told her I wished she had talked to me because we're working on my husband's house trying to get it ready to sell, and we've got to get it ready to rent within a few weeks. Not only that, but it's costing me thousands of dollars because I have to foot the bill, not only for the workers, but 2500.00 a month in rent where we're living. My husband isn't paying a dime toward rent, or bills here, and won't be able to until he gets out from under the house payment for his house.She sounded disappointed, but I was nice to her and swithed the conversation back to what time she would come over. She immediately tried calling his cell phone over and over. My husband and I went for a swim and I talked to him about it. We agreed that we couldn't afford the time for him to go to a game until the house was done. He said he'd tell her she should take one of her friends and that they could do something together once our work was done. We had a nice time, then he wanted sex which I gave him. We were being very loving with eachother until he talked to his daughter.She told him that I slammed her for getting the tickets and she was all upset about it. I overheard him tell her that he would handle it and not to worry because he would smooth things over with me "like I always do" he says. I was so upset and felt like he lied to me just to get what he wanted (sex). He was telling her one thing and me another. No going back a bit, I've been put on the back-burner for almost 4 years for his friends, alcohol, and whatever else. I have been lied to, left many time, and hurt terribly. I'm not playing the victim, but he promised that he would change and would do anything to show me how much I mean to him, and to make it all up to me. Oh, and we just got married July 31st this year.Anyway, we got into a huge fight about it because I confronted him about what he told his daughter. I felt betrayed and angry. He made out like I was the bad guy, and that I must have said something mean to his daughter to make her upset. I was pissed. His birthday was ruined. I poured his cake batter down the drain, and didn't end up making his breakfast or dinner. I can't take it when he's mean and nasty. I didn't feel like he cared about the facts at all. He got drunk on his own and watched football. When he came in to make himself another drink, he said this was the worst birthday he's ever had. I said, "and you blame me for that?" Of course he did. He said he holds me responsible for his crappy birthday. I told him that he should blame himself, and that if he had handled the situation with integrity, none of this would have happened. Sure, his daughter would have been disappointed, but not upset by him letting her think it was all because I'm being mean and not letting him go. Not the case at all, but I'm tired of footing the bill for everything because he always finds other things to do or doesn't take care of things when he needs to.OKay, so when he said, where's my breakfast (at 7:00pm) and where's my cake and dinner. Where's my card and present, I was so upset. I told him I was planning on buying the plasma TV he wanted, but he told me not to get it at the last minute, so I had nothing to give him. Anyway, I made him breakfast, baked and decorated a cake, and made him a nice dinner all in about an hour and a half. Brought his breakfast to him in bed, then brought his cake in and told him not to go to sleep because his dinner is almost ready. The night just sucked. Well, we woke me up at 4:30 this morning saying the same things, like thanks for ruining his birthday, I'm mean, his daughter wouldn't have gotten upset had I not said something mean to her. I just can't believe it. This is the man that I cook dinner for, make his lunched to take to work, gently scratch his whole body for hours at night, rub his head, fan him at night when he's hot, have sex with whenever he wants it, buys him gifts and cards all the time, and never go out with friends so I can stay home with him. My whole life revoles around him, and this is the crap that I get from him. He's completely immature and won't see any kind of reasoning to save his life.Am I being stupid? I'd like some honest opinions please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't tell you how much I appreciate what you both have said. My husband's 17 year old daughter was killed a few months ago. The day I broke up with him as a matter of fact. It's as if something wouldn't let me get him out of my life. 20 minutes after she was killed he came looking for me, and of course I couldn't turn my back on him.
He begged me not to leave him and told me he realizes how much I mean to him. He told me he loved me and couldn't imagine not spending the rest of his life with me. Well, stupid me. He ended up cheating on me with some hag that he had been with years ago. I was devastated to say the least.
We had a tough time getting through that, and the loss of his daughter whom I loved dearly as well. I honestly thought he had finally seen the light and that he meant it when he said he was willing to do anything to make it all up to me. He is a very selfish, one-sided, immature man. He always says he doesn't deserve me, but I had hoped that he would try to be a man and be the kind of person that does deserve to be treated the way I treat him.
And maybe you're both right. I realize there are plenty of men out there that would love to be loved and treated like a king like I treat him, but I can't even look at another man. My love for him is so incredibly deep, but I deserve much better. I'm just not sure how to break away. I'm just so tired of me always being the one giving and him being the one taking. It can leave one feeling so horribly empty and lonely.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (3 October 2006):
 Hey there,
This made me so sad reading this, as you sound like a lovely person who has a heart of gold and wants the best for her family. Yet, you get it all chucked back in your face.
Love, your husband doesn't know what he has. He is taking you for granted and needs a serious wake-up call.
Ask yourself - are you 100% happy? Does your husband do similar things back to you to make you feel special, as you do him? Does he tickle your back and buy you the odd gift? As you already know, marriage and love is a two-way street and it seems that your relationship is all about what you are giving him - not what you are giving each other.
Do these kind-of 'fights' happen often? Does he treat you like this a lot of the time? Is he generally really loving and passionate towards you, or was this a once-off type thing?
Let us know how things are now, a few days after his birthday. How have things been resolved - if they have?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): He`s ungrateful,spoilt,irrational.In a word.NOT VERY NICE.You dont need telling what to do.You already know.Somewhere out there there`s someone waiting for someone like you.
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