| A
female
,
*pedmjr07
writes: My sister begged me to give her brother-in-law a chance at dating me. After saying no for a couple of months, I finally gave in to shut her up. Fortunately, we did hook and fell in love. During this past year in our relationship, my sister has put her nose where it doesn't belong and gets mad at me because I will not let her run my relationship with her brother-in-law. She cannot stand the fact that I am with her brother-in-law more than I am her. If I do not babysit for her, she throws him in my face and accuses me of trying to start problems with the family. She has gotten my brother-in-law to hate me, which he cussed me and my daughter out and refusest apologize. My daughter is 11. Anyway, being that I will not be the person she wants me to be, raise my kids according to her terms, be at her beck and call, and will avoid talking to her at times, she has now decided to make matters into her own hands. She has called Phil several times complaining about me and filling his head with a bunch of bull, which Phil gets mad, but he feels my sister is using me and treats me like crap. Then she gives me an ultimatum: I have to pick between her and Phil. If I want to be her sister, then I have to let Phil go? When I told this to Phil, he was pissed. THis was the finalstraw for him. Conclusion: He broke up with me hoping to keep peace between my sister and me, and he used the excuse that he did not love me anymore, when 2 weeks prior we were looking to buy a house together and planned to get married after I finished school. I told my sister to rot in hell with her husband because he too, was talking to Phil and telling him lies so we would break up. Phil and I felt like we were soul mates, but he chose his family over me just to keep peace. I am hurting deep inside and so are my children. My sister does not feel that she is in the wrong and that she had every right to give me an ultimatum and punish me for not listening to her. As for Phil, he will not talk to me, even though he told me that I did nothing or said anything wrong. He will not admit the truth about my sister because he thinks we will work this out, which it won't. Can a man fall out of love or stop loving someone that he was crazy in love with, without knowing why the love isn't there or when it started? How do I handle this situation between my sister and me because I do not want her in my anymore? Please help. Thank you, Desperately Wanting to Stop the tears!
View related questions:
broke up, fell in love, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2005): You are in a difficult situation and crying is a normal response for someone who is feeling hurt and angry at her own sister...family should love and support-be happy and take joy in each other's happiness.
Your sister’s behavior was wrong, callous, and very impolite. This may be the way she responds to her hurt feelings and emotions, but that doesn’t change the fact it was poor form. It is not your job to keep her from feeling bad; grownups take care of their own emotions and responses. She acted like a spoiled little girl who wasn't getting her own way.
If you can get past this anger you feel (and give this some time) I would at best try continue to have a cordial relationship with her. I am sure everyone in your family is used to her little power games. She does this all for attention. She needs to grow up. The only way to combat this stuff is to withdraw from her and ignore any future inappropriateness she may inflict on you. Always remain cordial, but a bit distant and remember: her inappropriate behavior is about her, not you.
My concern is your bf. His job is to be supportive to you..not turn tail and hightail it out of town at the first sign of trouble. I then question his committment and respect for you, in the first place. I imagine he is saddened because he doesn't want to be blamed for you two sisters battling. He is going to have to learn how to be a different man around you and your sister and not let her yank you and him around, anymore. Talk to him about this-set some tough boundries and tell him clearly, you two need to be a team.
Your bf may not be ready to face the fact your sister is so difficult, sometimes it easier to walk away rather than confront a spoiled bratty, hellcat. However, she is your sister and we "can't choose our family" but we take steps to take care of yourself and your children around her and make sure she realizes the boundries you have layed in place in regards to her behaviour. Keep your mind and heart open to her though...she may change for the better. After all, she is your sister. Take care and be strong.
Hugs, Irish
|
