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My sex life is non existent since having my baby and I literally feel nothing anymore

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Question - (10 March 2019) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *0ph1e writes:

I write this as I lay unable to sleep, which happens a few evenings a week. Since having my first child and going straight onto contraception I feel like my mood has progressively got worse (Even though I have the non hormone coil).

It’s been almost two years since I have had her, at first I thought it was just my crazy hormones, but now I don’t know what I think. I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel sad. I don’t get upset, nor do I get excited. I don’t really feel anything, especially when it comes to sex. I don’t get turned on nor do I feel any sensation. I can’t even get ‘wet’. I keep thinking to myself, what is wrong with me? My partner spends so much time on trying to get me in the mood, like I said, even when he touches me, I don’t feel anything. It’s not enjoyable. I used to have an amazing sex drive, so I find this incredibly difficult to understand. So many people have tried talking to me about it, I just don’t know where to turn. I love my partner so much, but why do I feel this way. I know children can kill your sex life, but I feel my life is just as busy as it always has been. Please help ??

View related questions: in the mood, sex drive, sex life

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A female reader, Annaclark United Kingdom +, writes (13 March 2019):

Hi there. So sorry to hear about your problem. I think what you might be having is postpartum depression. You said you don’t feel happy anymore or sad or get excited for anything right? Postpartum depression can last for years. Pls go to your obgyn and seek help.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 March 2019):

Honeypie agony auntGo see your doctor.

You went on a non-hormone contraceptive BUT if your hormones are out of whack after having had your child, getting on birth control (with minimum hormone) might do the trick on getting you back on even keel, so to speak.

Also, ARE you getting enough sleep? Vitamin D/Iron? Exercise?

Because not getting enough sleep will make you feel like a zombie. Same with Vitamin D and Iron. Exercise is ALWAYS good for helping to stabilize one's mood.

First stop should be your doctor. Tell him/her EXACTLY what you have written in your post. If he suggests blood work, then go for it and go from there.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 March 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntChildren tend to only affect your sex life badly while they are still very young and especially if they are not sleeping. The sheer fatigue leaves you with no spare energy for anything but caring for the child. However, this does not sound like the case for you.

Firstly and most importantly, have you spoken with your doctor or health care worker? Just because you have no "symptoms" as such, does not mean there is nothing actually wrong. They are bound to have had experience of other mothers who have had the same problem after having a child. Make an appointment TODAY. Tell them EVERYTHING. You sound like you may be suffering from some sort of post natal depression. There is a lot of help out there but you must ask for it. PLEASE make that appointment TODAY.

Secondly, are you getting rest? Are you getting time to yourself? Is your partner pulling his weight with child care and the house? Do you get to spend time alone as a couple so that you can reconnect as lovers, not just parents? Do YOU get to spend time away from your daughter, seeing friends, being just YOU rather than a mother?

Don't just ask for advice and then ignore it (the easiest thing to do if you are feeling down and numb as it doesn't require effort). Pick up that phone and make that appointment TODAY to see your doctor. After 2 years, it does not sound like you are going to come out of this without help. It's out there; you just have to ask.

Sending hugs. Be strong.

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