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male
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anonymous
writes: I was working on our home computer yesterday, which my wife uses far more often, and found by accident that she had visited a dating website. I was very surprised since we've been together for a long time, have two young children and I thought we had a good stable relationship. She frequently tells me she loves me and would never leave me. What was even more shocking was the fact that she appears to have entered 'female seeks female' on the search page. I had no idea she might have feeling for the opposite sex. Maybe she did it for a laugh or out of curiosity, but pictures of local women, presumably lesbians, came up. I don't know whether to confront her or not. I'm not only worried she may be bisexual, but she'll probably accuse me of spying on her computer activities.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): Is there really a difference between signing up, or browsing through an online dating website and going to a singles club to check people out?
I'm inclined to say no.
Just because the Internet gives you anonymity it does not remove the fact that you are curious to the extent that you are "checking out" other people whilst in a commited relationship with someone.
Someone who is happy and content in a relationship would not need to do this.
To the question asker; I do think you should approach her about this, but I would think on it a few more days so that you can get your emotions under control.
You certainly should not leave this unsaid. No matter what her reasons for doing this, as her husband, you are entitled to know both why she is seeking women, and b, why she is doing this behind your back. Unless of course you think it acceptable; how would you feel if you had done what she is doing?
A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 I can honestly say that this is probably innocent. I am in a happy relationship and would never cheat on my boyfriend but I did the same thing the other day. I was bored so I decided to have a look on a dating site just out of curiosity. Of course I would never tell my boyfriend about this as he will probably think the same as you. I think that you are best to leave it but if her behaviour becomes odd and worrying, confront her about it then. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): If you "spying" on her is her main concern, that proves she wants to hide this. You have every right to confront her. The two of you are married and you deserve to know the answers to the questions you have about what she is doing online and about her sexual orientation. Besides, you say you found this out by accident, so just tell her that. I doubt HOW you found this out will be the main topic of conversation anyway. Ask her about this. You have every right to know the truth. You are her husband after all.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Are you absolutely certain that your wife isn't actually wanting to find a friend? Some female company? And maybe doesn't know how to and tried there? Whatever her reasons, you need to discuss with her what you found. Perhaps if you casually bring it up you'll get more answers rather than steaming in and shouting about it. At least give her the chance to explain. If she's nothing to hide she shouldn't care you 'stumbled' upon it, but she could be very embarssed.
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