A
female
age
41-50,
*ingham
writes:i love my partner very much he works hard a good dad to our 2 year old and a loving partner but at the weekend he smokes canabis and i hate it i cant see any way round this problem i cant talk to him when he smokes it to me hes on another planet to relaxed do i split up even tho i love him he wont stop smoking this either i just dont know what to do
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female
reader, littleleaf +, writes (18 August 2012):
You say your partner works hard and he is a good dad, and he is a good partner too. Why would you want to change that?
He has a right to unwind any way he wants tbh, He isn't hurting anyone and there are much worse things he could be doing. It's controlling to demand that he stops doing something harmless that he enjoys just because of your dislike to it.
I smoke cannabis too and someone whining at me to stop would alienate me and probably end the relationship. Its so petty.
Maybe you should have a little smoke with him, you might see why he enjoys it so much.
You said yourself that everything else is fine, You are lucky to have such a decent man with a complete lack of any real vice.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 August 2012):
Ciar has the right answer and questions. What EXACTLY is your problem with it. Would you rather he drank at the weekend or just did nothing?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): from someone who smokes it i would say its not a big deal and that you would be better of talking to him while hes stoned cus he'll be calm an happy, but if its unseting you that much tell him. its always better to conpromise than get your own way in a relationship in my experience so talk to him, ASK him to stop but dont be close minded
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A
female
reader, Dear_Niecee +, writes (18 August 2012):
Hi there,
It sounds like he is doing as a method of escaping. is it somehting he has always done? I understand you cant talk to him when he is smoking it but what about in the week.
Things must have been bad if your thinking of spilting, i think you need to try and tell him how it makes you feel and what its doing to you.
If you are unable to say it face to face try an email or letter, remind him he is a great dad and you love him beyond anything, but you are struggling to cope with his habbit. it sounds like you love each other very much, and a good relationship is worth fighting for.
Good Luck !!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2012): Have you tried speaking to him when he's not smoking it? Generally you will get more sense out of him then I imagine.
Although if he works hard and is for the most part a good boyfriend and father, why deny him his weekend pleasure? If its not causing any major problems other than you don't like it, then where is the harm? It doesn't sound like its getting out of hand.
The only thing I would say is a problem about this, is if you are a none smoker yourself and if he's also smoking this in front of the children. In which case I'd ask him to smoke it away from the house, maybe he could go out with mates and have a smoke.
You might think my response to your question is selfish, but really its realistic.
If having a smoke on the weekend was the only break from running around after the kids, or working all week, how willing would you be to give it up... Without thinking he's selfish and unreasonable.
If you asked him to completely quit, I think he'll pretty much say what I said, in his defence.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 August 2012):
 What exactly is it you don't like about it? He does it only on weekends, correct? Does he miss work because of it? Has he missed important events? Has he neglected your child? Has he had any mishaps because of it? Does he use up grocery money to buy pot?
Is there a particular reason you dislike it or is it just the general principle of it?
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