A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been dating a man for over 2 years. I own my home and he still has a mortgage and a teenager who he has half the time. He asked me to move in with him, but doesn't want to marry me. Even though I'm in my 50's, I still would like to be married again (my husband passed away) and at the very least be engaged. (He doesn't want to live in my house, because he says its too far from his son's high school). His home needs a lot of updates and maybe it is silly but it bothers me that another woman lived with him in that home, he doesn't understand that. I wanted us to have a fresh start and get a new house together, in the same area for his son, but he thinks I should only be the one selling a house. I'd greatly appreciate any advise. Thank you.
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male
reader, lovebot +, writes (18 August 2012):
Financially, you are better off moving in with him, or buying a house together. You can sell your house, or rent it out. If you sell it, you can reinvest the money. If you rent it, you have an appreciating asset that generates income. If you decide to buy a home together, you can reinvest the portion that isn't in the new home. I'm guessing you won't have to pay "rent", but perhaps you could chip in with expenses...even with this I suspect you are better off, financially, if you live under the same roof. Economies of scale.Watch out for capital gains tax though...In the mean time, I recommend that you take out a home equity loan and invest the money in like a real estate investment. I believe that up to around $100K can be borrowed where you can still get a tax deduction on the interest. Ask your accountant. Home prices have collapsed in many areas but mortgage rates are at all time lows.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (18 August 2012):
 Two things strike me about you question. Yes the high school question is very important. It won't be important in 4 years or less.
The bit about living in her house is so common that he should understand, more likely he is just being a guy (guys don't like change).
maybe three things. He has been through a Divorce you haven't. That is a traumatic process. Frequently more hard on the man. I suspect that that is the entire reason for his reluctance to marry. Straight up fear.
So my advice. Don't sell your house unless you have a permanent relationship. You might need it. If you need to live together get a financial adviser on board. Analyze the value and saleability of both properties, and your goals for where and how you want to live. Consider putting off the move until High School is over.
FA
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