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male
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anonymous
writes: I have recently split with my partner (his decision), and he has already found someone else. He wants to remain good friends, but the jealousy and pain is eating me up. I loath his new person without ever speaking to him or meeting him. My ex telephones/txt's/e-mails, every day, and we meet once a week for dinner.He knows how I feel, and we never discuss the new man anymore as it causes tears and rows. How do I get over this? I have lost 3 1/2 stone in just over two months.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): You have to make a clean break, dear or this will continue to keep dragging you down. Whenever there is a break-up..it pretty hard to sustain a friendship as there is always one wounded person and one guilty person in this equation. Your heart still has an allegiance to your ex boyfriend and I am sorry because a lot of caring, compassionate people like yourself, are not built to easily jump relationships. For others, it's rather easy. Ending it for good will cause pain, initially but love is like this. It's a risk and heart's get broken. Learn to heal from this and move forward...but my best advice..avoid him as much as possible. Take care.
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (5 January 2006):
 I agree with mommyofthree that you need to distance yourself from this guy so that you will have time to heal. It might be possible for you to be friends in time, but if you try to jump into being friends right away, it won't work because you still haven't gotten over the love relationship that you shared with him.
It seems a little odd that your ex still contacts you every day, and that you meet once a week for dinner. That makes me wonder whether he is having trouble getting over you, and whether he wants to have both you and the new guy as his love interests. It sounds like he's continuing the relationship with you, while pursuing the relationship with the new guy. Bleh. Personally, I don't think that the guy sounds like he's worth all of this heartache. It doesn't seem like he has a very clear idea what he wants, and, based on the details that you've given, I doubt that he can commit to any one person very well for any extended period of time.
You're not obligated to remain friends with him. Just do what you feel is in your own best interests. After all, he's the one who broke up with you, not vice versa!
Good luck!
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female
reader, lizabeth +, writes (5 January 2006):
you can get over your partner in two ways, the hard and slow way or the slightly quicker and less painful way. if you do it the hard way your going to tear yourself apart, if you do it the other way you can get over your ex quicker and not watch them move on while your not. i no its hard to let go of someone you care about but its time to put yourself first. do it the quick, less painful way, its like having a detox, don't keep in contact for a few months, go on the rebound, socialise, then when your ready call your ex up and see how they are. and remember if they want you back, don't do it, if the relationship didnt work the first time it probably won't work the second time round. x x x x
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (5 January 2006):
 This soon after a break up, it is just too traumatic for you to be dealing with this. You need to distance yourself from this guy so that your heart will have time to heal. Even if he promises not to talk about his new relationship, you are not going to be able to get over him if you keep talking to him. Try explaining to him that you ned time and space, then when he calls don't answer. Good luck.
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