A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for 7 months. We have a great relationship and he wants us to live together, but I'm having some reservations. You see, he was in a very painful break up with a woman he was engaged to marry. She cheated on him and took everything he had (money, furniture, even his dog). He seems to have dealt with this in a fairly healthy way (friends and therapy) and he has a good head on his shoulders, but there are times when he seems to mistrust me for the things she did. I have never and would never cheat on a partner nor am I prone to distrust men, but I am worried that the damage she did runs too deep in him. I try to be understanding of his past, but I am also a bit nervous about moving in with him before I know whether he really trusts and believes in me. Will moving in help us in that respect, or hurt us? Thanks.
View related questions:
engaged Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): Don't do it. You are having doubts for a reason. Women have a little thing called intuition. It it usually correct. If he really loves you, he will wait until he marries you to move in. Follow your gut.
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (28 August 2007):
You are right to worry. You should wait, it would be too soon in most circumstances and definitely way too soon in this situation. many couples don't even know the details of the other person well enough to make this work at seven months.
This might be a way for him to keep a closer watch on you (he might not even realize this, it could be subconscious) or it might be a way for him in his mind (probably subconscious again) to pick up where his last relationship ended.
It is possible that he is not healed and a ticking time bomb, not a permanent one, but the possible of an outburst is there. How you word things might matter. Make sure you get the point across that you want to be with him, but that it is just simply too soon in your relationship for a big move like this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Reina +, writes (28 August 2007):
I'm sure he loves you. Just remember that he's really been hurt, and it does take a long time to heal. Continue showing him that you are a different, better woman for him and he'll come around. If a year rolls by (after you've moved in) and you've shown him that you are a trustworthy, loyal partner, yet he still has trust issues with you, then i'd say rethink the relationship--at least until he can get it together.
I'm sure he really loves you. So try out living together and see how it works out. Don't be scared, just understand what he's gone through. Yeah?
Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (28 August 2007):
 I think theres no harm in waiting. Whats the rush? 7 months seems a little soon especially considering what hes been through.
I got my ass kicked with regards to trust and I can say that one takes a while to get over. Longer than 7 months for sure.
Speak to him honestly and compassionately and let him know you arnt going anywhere. He may feel hurt but he should see the wisdom. If he doesnt than maybe hes not quite so healed as he thinks.
...............................
A
female
reader, Uwera  +, writes (28 August 2007):
i think it'll hurt you both, because he just hasn't gotten over her, some people take longer to get over things like that? I mean the damn girl took everything including his damn dog! What sort of person would do that? she's clearly evil! and if his likening her to you than I would be very worried indeed..lol, keep da man out of your house!
...............................
|
