A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with everything he does, but when i tell him this he will not listen and thinks i am just saying it because i am angry. i really want to split up with him. how can i make him accept that i don't love him and it's over?
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female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (20 May 2007):
 I am very glad you feel better. The first step is always the hardest, but I'm sure that once you have that first conversation, you'll feel loads better and see that you have more options that you thought before.
Best of luck you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much, your advice has made me feel a lot better and less worried. now i just have to get the courage to put the plan into action. i'm not weak, so i know i will do it.
thanks again!!! xx
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (20 May 2007):
Waiting is an option, but there are always other options as well. If he is on bail, then there is someone in the court system that you can talk to about not having him check in to your house every night--it will make his life more difficult, yes, but he is also not your responsibility.
Crossing your fingers that after his court case is completed that things will be easier for you, seems a risky proposition to me. If the court seems you as a steadying influence, they can easily sentence him to home arrest or continue to curfew him to your house. It is worth having a chat with a lawyer or probation officer to see what your options are to extract yourself from this situation.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice but it is a quite difficult situation that i'm in. he is on bail at the moment and he has a curfew to be at my home every night by 9pm. so i can't really ask him to leave, and he has nowhere to go even if i do, so i would be basically kicking him into the street. i wouldnt want to leave my home because i have so much stuff and have nowhere to put it. i also have 2 dogs so could not run to a refuge. and i don't want to bring so much trouble to my family's house as he knows where they all live.
there is no chance that i want to save the relationship, so i will just have to wait until his court case is over.
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (19 May 2007):
There...really isn't any issue about him accepting it or not accepting it. If the relationship is really over for you, then the relationship is over. Leave, if you're living together, stop taking his calls/visits if you're not.
I think sometimes people get this idea that there needs to be some big "Scene" where the ex-lovers reach an understanding. It doesn't always happen that way. You've been upfront with him--if he doesn't want to take that on board, it is no longer your problem. Move on, whether or not he does.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (19 May 2007):
 At the point you're at, you may no longer be able to use words. Sometimes the only way to get through to someone is through actions. Pack your bags, put things into storage, and stay with a relative or friend for a little while. If he wants to change, it has to be his choice, and his choice alone. If he wants to save your relationship, he will look within to change. As far as his addiction, there may be an underlying reason for that. He may need to feel a need to escape every day for a reason that you are unaware of him. Try talking to his friends or family, and see if anything has occurred within his life that would make him need to act this way.Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): you cant change how other people are- you can only take action for your self. File for seperation, take your kid, get friends and family support and move out- cut off contact and establish your own place where he doesnt know. Also have a restraining order put out on him because basically he is abusing you- mentally and emotionally. get a different phone number and change the locks on your door and dont be afraid to call the police if he comes after you or the kid. He is keeping you in his control. Make sure you have a backup plan and seek counceling to be empowered in your decison to move. You may think "no i cant do all this "- but you can and you must- it takes the average women 7 times to get out and away from an abusive husband. Please seek help and do this for yourself and your child. Good luck
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