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female
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anonymous
writes: H, I'm 16 years old and in May this year I met a guy over the net and we got on very well for about 3 months and we decided to meet. Then I discovered that he had lied about his age. When we met in August he told me he was 40 years old. He manipulated me to have sex with him and I did.After that I guess he got what he wanted and left. I was a virgin when I met him. I haven't told anyone about this except my friend and I'm really scared that I will get into trouble. The whole thing was horrible and I always have bad dreams about it.My friend said I should file a case against him but I'm afraid because when he asked me to have sex with him, I didnt refuse so they won't take the case seriously because he didn't rape me, but manipulated me.Pliz help me, what should I do? My health has been affected because of this. Pliz help me...
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female
reader, doniaa  +, writes (1 January 2009):
 you take his sorry old ass to court
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2005): I will keep this short as you have lots of other replies, but just incase you are from the UK, where sex from 16 is legal. It is still rape even if you say yes (or didnt refuse, as you say). If you were scared, intimidated, manipulated and truly in no way wished to have sex with this man, then it is rape. It is very difficult to got to the police, and while that should be your first step. Perhaps go to a Rape crisis centre, or Brook Advisory (if in UK), they will let you know your rights, be confidential and support you in whatever choices you make. Whatever you do, talk to someone. Something similar happened to me 13 years ago. I never told anyone and it still haunts me today. Be brave..You done nothing wrong
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (23 October 2005):
 If you live in the US, please file against him if not for you, do it for me. He took advantage of you and is a sick jerk. It doesn't matter what you did and you will be able to see that as you get older. He had the power and that is why it is called statutory rape. That means that it WAS rape in the eyes of the law. It is also why you feel so awful.
For future reference, always wait along time after you feel ready to engage in sex and you will not be sorry. Also, if you can't talk to your parents, ask a friend or go to a school counselor for help. They will help you talk to your parents and will help to explain how you were victimized.
If you are at the age of consent were you live and have no case to bring against him, you still need to notify the police. He seems to be misrepresenting himself in youth chat rooms which is a big red flag. The police will want to at least keep an eye on him since his behavior usually means that he is searching for young victims. Also notify the chat room moderator or owner so that he might be banned for his behavior.
Babe you feel so horrible because you are a victim. The only way out is to stand up for yourself now even if you couldn't then. It is never too late to empower yourself by fighting back. Studies show that girls who don't do this once they realize what happened, set themselves up to be abused again. This might be because you now have a choice, you want to live on happy and without this burden. To do so, you will need to decide in your own mind what happened. We all see it clearly, but if you can't you will have to either tell yourself that you somehow deserved this (NOT true) or you will have to suffer and life never goes well when suffering. More bad choices are always made in what seems like endless suffering. Don't become used to that feeling. Fight it. Do it for all the girls who have not done it for themselves and do it for you. You will be glad you did even if it goes nowhere. I bet you already feel better seeing our reactions. You are not alone and are not to blame.
We are behind you! And we are here. Imagine, total strangers!
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A
female
reader, QOTU +, writes (23 October 2005):
 That's HORRIBLE! You know, though, you CAN file a case against him - there's such a thing as "Statutory Rape", which is a person over eighteen having sex with somebody under eighteen, consent or not. He'd deserve it.
Take care of yourself, love, and be careful online. The web can be /very/ dangerous.
Stay strong,
~QOTU 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2005): Teen online chatrooms and messenger services-the thought about it and how easy it is for predators to take advantage of minors..breaks my heart for empathy for the young people who get used and tossed away by these people. These scumbags can hide behind their computer screens and coerce young teenagers into believing they are sincere, honest good people, while taking terrible advantage of an unsuspecting teen's caring & trusting nature. The internet is literally a play land for these predators, molesters and perverted older men who desire sex with trusting teen girls, like yourself..and and it sad, because teen's nowadays, have to grow up fast, be hard nosed and cynical to avoid these these dangerous situations.
What a horrible injustice that has been done against you. To be treated like in this degrading fashion by this older man is so emotionally damaging & demeaning and I am so sorry. My dear, please talk to your parents, a trusted family member a teacher, a counselor, a church minister-anyone you really trust. You need adult guidance and support with this. You have to talk-you were mistreated, manipulated & coerced by an older man, who took advantage of your young age, your sexual immaturity, all for his selfish, self-indulgent urges. In effect, he did sexually abuse you but because of your age, depending on age of consent where you live, you may or may not be able to fight this injustice. But you should find out and you have the 'right' to fight back. The thing I fear, is he will do it to other young teen girls. Again, depending on the laws, you may be able to bring charges of "statuatory rape" against this perverted loser.
I'm sure any readers looking at this will agree, that all parents need to ask if their teen daughters or sons are sexual active, who are they with and how old is the person they are involved with? Parents need to care and take time out to find out how this can be prevented and what drove them to that point. But hun, you must tell someone and no matter how upset your parents will be, initially...tell them. They need to know, in order to help you. I wish you well and try to heal from this. You have been violated and it may take time. Please seek counselling if it gets to be too much for you. My heart is with you, dear. Take Care
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005): What a horrible story; I'm so sorry. It sounds to me like what happened to you might have been statutory rape. The age of consent is defined separately by each state, so it depends on where you live/met him. But if you were in a state where the age of consent is 17, what he did to you was a kind of rape no matter what. You should definitely listen to your friend and talk to someone. No one in his position should be allowed to take unfair advantage of a young girl, and there may be laws in your state to help protect you and people like you. Call a rape hotline or a teen counseling line. Don't feel like this is your fault because you didn't fight him. Even if what he did wasn't a crime, you were violated, and you should get some help from someone.
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