A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need advice! My new boyfriend invited me to his uncles wedding, we had a great time! Afterwards we headed to a hotel! We were going to have sex for the first time in our relationship, so we start making out and he starts removing my clothes, then I see him reaching for the condom, he puts it on and then when he's about to go in I feel he can't get it in so I reach down to help him and he wasn't completely erect!! I asked him what was wrong and he kept saying.."I don't know"....I felt it was my fault, I felt I couldn't turn him on like somthing was wrong with me..so a couple of weeks later..he calls me in morning and asks me to his house and once again he is the 1 that want to have sex...and once again isn't erect this time at all! I sucked on it and it was getting there but when he was about to penetrate he lost it!..I stroked it, it was no use! It was so awkward and I can't help but feel its my fault....is this common?? Could it be a medical problem? Or is it just nerves? He probably feels worse than I do..I don't want to make him feel bad about his "problem". So how to I deal with it? Thanx bunches!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for the advice! Your answers really helped! I actually feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off my shoulders! It feels great to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this problem, my bf means a lot to me, and I actually find it so adorable that he gets preformance anxiety lol but ill make sure to make him feel more comfortable with this whole situation . Thanx again!!
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (1 December 2007):
I faced a similar problem when i posted my 1st question here and i felt so embarassed and dejected but my girl comforted me in telling me that she didn't love me for sex and encouraged me that all will be ok and i can safely say that things are better.It happens alot.It's what my other friends call performance anxiety,the fear that you won't perform.Just show your partner that you care about him and do things that boost his ego.I don't agree that you should now just cuddle and tell him you don't want sex.He'll think you no longer think he's good enough for you in bed.The cure is mainly to show him love and his confidence will grow and all this will be a thing of the past.
All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Hi Hunny,
The pressure to make you happy may be having to opposite affect making him nervous, Instead of having sex do everything else kissing touching and general foreplay dont expect sex and make sure you talk with him about this as it is not either of your faults, He will I imagine be feeling upset about this and think you are thinking he doesnt find you attractive which isnt true so its a vicious circle hunny, Just try and make the moment special whenever you are together and when he feels comfortable and relaxed you will no. uncle phil is right take care of you love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): He probably feels pressured to perform, which is having the exact opposite effect. Performance anxiety.
Take the pressure off by just cuddling without him expecting to have to perform. Tell him you don't want sex, just a cuddle.
Condoms can be a real passion killer, but if you're on the pill and you're comfortable with each other with regards to diseases try going 'bareback'.
Hope that helps
Phil
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