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My neighbor and I hooked up 4 times and then broke things off. Now I feel like I need to move!

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2015)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

ok so my neighbor is a 28 single, bachelor, and i'm a 28 single, bachelorrette.. who both work full time...one night he came over to hang out with me, we played video games, talked and had wine..prior to that, we had gone out on one date...I really enjoyed his company when he was over...next thing I know, he's giving me a back massage, a foot massage and before I know it, one thing led to the other. BTW my neighbor is a 6'2 masculine, sexy guy, and I am surprised that he has been single for at least a year. The funny thing is, that I've NEVER done anything like this (hook up) in my life and I'm scared!!! My last relationship was three years ago, as well as it was the last time I had sex (3 years ago). After seeing my neighbor for at least 3 more times and being intimate, we decided to break things off....now we don't talk. We thought we were becoming too attached. But I feel horrible, I really liked this guy and still wonder what he's up to when I see his car in the parking lot. I don't feel like knocking on his door, I think that would be awkward and intrusive. I almost feel like I need to move :( great advice would be welcomed at this time, thanks.

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A male reader, BE125 United States +, writes (31 July 2015):

Hi, I think what you have here is an attack of conscience. This is a good thing. I think you feel like you made a mistake and the fact that you feel that way is a good sign because it speaks to your character, which seems very good. It was a mistake, and we all make mistakes. I think what needs to happen is for you to be able to heal your soul from these events. If you are a catholic, go to confession and tell Christ and receive absolution from His priest. If you are not a religious person, then I would suggest doing something that you feel is good and worthwhile like volunteering or helping someone in need to make restitution for what happened. I would agree with the previous answer in that it would be good to avoid this individual because he creates a temptation in you that caused you to fall. But we all fall from time to time. If you avoid the temptation, it will not get to you again. You mention you feel scared, and you probably should be to an extent, and I think that would be normal under the circumstances because one never knows what diseases are out there that could be contracted, but that's also a good sign that you recognize what happened was wrong. Bottom line is

find a way to heal yourself with concrete action. It will make all the difference.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 July 2015):

Don't move out, move on. You had casual-sex a few times; but now you feel remorse; because you're ashamed and disappointed he isn't more interested. Hold your head high and go about your life. Use these unsettled feelings as your reminder of how you should behave in the future.

How he feels, or what he thinks of you, is now irrelevant. If he doesn't feel like moving, why the hell should you?

Don't set a double-standard for yourself. If he decides to make his way back for another try; tell him that you'd rather go the usual route of dating first.

Be honest. It was he who decided you were getting too attached. Your post is evidence the feeling wasn't mutual. You needed the comfort of man. I know what that's like, girlfriend. Just don't make it a habit. Set higher standards for yourself. What's done is done, and it is what it is.

Alcohol lowers the inhibitions and two young people full of sexual-tension are going to "get it on." sooner or later.

Especially if you're both primed with spirits!

Well, now you've got it out of your system; and should always maintain your dignity after making such impulsive decisions. If your can't handle it afterwards, think before you act.

Don't feel shame, unless you foolishly continue to pursue him knowing he's all done. It happened and it's over. Get on with your life and pretend he no longer exists. Even if it's a fake performance, over time it will become real.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2015):

Maybe wait until you see each other by chance, then just be neighbourly? Honestly, this is why they say "don't sh*t where you eat" or whatever the saying is - kinda like sleeping with a co-worker.

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