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My mother's manipulating ways are driving me crazy!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *isika writes:

my mum has always been controlling and manipulative and we used to argue when I was growing up. im from a strict asian family and didnt have freedom like my friends through school and had to lie about going out, boyfriends etc.

now im at uni i only come home for holidays and once a week or so during term. im home for the holiday at the moment. term starts tues, and i want to go back to uni tomorrow (saturday) but my mother is using emotional blackmail to get me to stay longer.

unfortunately her mother just passed away at 93 and my mother was away for the funeral etc and just got back so shes feeling low and got flu also.

its a long weekend here so im off sun and mon, then start uni on tues. i want to go back tomorrow on saturday. when i said i want to go back to uni tomorrow she got mad and sked me to stay a day longer cos otherwise shell 'get ill and i'll have to miss more time off uni than one day.' i dont know what exactly shes threatening?? originally she didnt know that its a long weekend and thought i satrted uni on monday but still begrudged me the chance to go on sat, now that she knows i dont start till tues she may try and make me stay even longer!!i just want a couple of days back with my friends is that so much to ask!!she says crap like you cant even spare one day for your mother etc trying to make me feel guilty even though ive been looking after her when ill. making her food, brining her drinks giving her med and keeping her company etc. my brother and dad are home so its not like im leaving by herself.

the worst part is that she really puts it on and pretends for attention, the other day we were talking and she was fine then right after that she spoke to a friend on the phone and put on a really sick voice like she could barely get a word out, then she hung up and went back to a normal voice again!! she has been repeating this perfomance a lot whenever shes been spekaing on the phone the last few days. this is the kind of manipulative s**t she does.

im getting so angry with her trying to make me feel guilty i dont think going back a day early is wrong and im resenting her more and more. her manipulation is stopping me from sympathizing and making me go crazy!!

View related questions: emotional blackmail

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A female reader, ShiShisAdvice United States +, writes (8 January 2011):

ShiShisAdvice agony auntPlease don't pick up her deceptive habits. Please.

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A female reader, petina1 United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2011):

petina1 agony auntYour mum is grieving, it affects everyone in a different way. Why don't you stay one more day but let your mum know that you have given up something to stay and make her feel important. Give her as much attention that you can during that day, make her comfortable, do something together just you two, even if it's watching a programme and snacking, looking at old pics of her mother and family. I'm sure then your mum will feel a bit better about you going then. I think she just needs you more at this moment in time and one day won't hurt will it.

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