A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will be turning 26 this year and I'm single. Personally I'm ok with that. I figure as long as I'm living my life and enjoying what I do, the right guy will come along. I'm not in a rushBut my mother on the other hand is constantly reminding me of my age and the fact that I'm single. I just want her to stop and to leave me alone. Of course I want to get married and to have a family but I'm not going to rush into that just because of my age. Marriage is for the long term, I don't want to be with the wrong person and be unhappy. My mom doesn't get that. She doesn't care if I'm happy or if it's the right person. She wants me to just settle for any guy off the street. she's even told me that if I'm still unmarried by next year I might as well just give up because no one would want me. I've tried so many times toget her to stop this. Usually I just laugh it off because I know what I want in life. But today was especially bad and I can't laugh it off. Just constantly hearing this is making me feel so gloomy, depressed and hopeless. I want her to just stop and let me be me. I understand she's doing this out of love but I don't understand why she can't see the negative effect this is having on me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I sometimes think it'll just be easier to settle just so she'll stop. What is so wrong with wanting to be wih the right guy even if it takes some time to find him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Most Moms, girl friends and women are like that OP.
Your mother comes from a time when women were incomplete without a man. That marriage and kids are not only a duty but your main aim in life. In fact that's still kind of the case. Women love to say they're free and independent nowadays but when I look around men are still their primary source of fun.
Most single girls I know get this all the time from their mothers, aunts, female friends etc. They're always assumed to be unfulfilled and unhappy without a man in their lives. Generally because most women are still very unhappy being single and get very lonely and depressed about it too. It's not just a female thing, there are plenty of men that are the same but we really don't get questioned on it in the same way at all by our peers or our mothers.
For most women "enjoying being single" means being out there dating, they simply cannot grasp how any woman can be happy to be free, independent and single without some kind of romance in their lives. I mean long term single women are viewed as potential sad and lonely cat ladies by society still. "Enjoying being single" always has men implied in that. Whereas for us guys "enjoying being single" means we can sit around in our underwear all day, scratch, fart, pick our noses and play computer games without having to tidy up hehe.
That's just the way things are OP. If you're not in a relationship or actively seeking one and dating, people think you're some kind of unfulfilled, depressed weirdo that can't get a man, a person to be pitied and not envied, and no matter how hard you try to convince people you simply don't have that as a priority at the moment the more they will think there's something wrong with you.
Just change tactics OP, that's what my friends do. Just tell your mother you have things going on in that regard with a cheeky grin, if she asks for details tell her a lady doesn't kiss and tell but you'll let her know if things get serious. One of my friends has taken to not telling her mother she's going to meet friends and tells her to mind her business, to make her mother think she has a date. It's much easier OP to just tell her you're fine in that way, that you're exploring your options and have a few you're considering.
OP just remember, from your mom's point of view you are sad, lonely and unfulfilled because you're single because that's how she felt whenever she was single, and if she wasn't really ever single in the long term then that's what she assumes she would have felt being single.
She doesn't mean anything bad by it, she just has no concept other than your life must be shit because you don't have a man, we men are your world afterall, your better half and without us you ladies are incomplete, barren, cat ladies that collect newspapers and scream at the neighbourhood kids for playing ball near your house hehe.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 HI
Lol your mum sounds like she is missing her youth, and so jealous of yours. your still young, blimey im 39 this year, 3 kids, single, and I feel just as young if not better as when I was 26. You still have years ahead of you yet to settle down, when YOUR ready. live your life the way you want, after all it is YOUR life. As Bobby McFerrin once sang dont worry , be happy :)
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, Dragonheart +, writes (27 February 2012):
 You have the right mindset, it's the only way to find happiness in life, to know who you are and what you want (and need) to be happy. Don't let your mom change that! Because she does not understand the negative effect it has on you, you need to protect yourself. If you have the possibility just walk away from her if she starts the next time, don't give her the chance to ruin your day and depress you. You know you are doing the right thing, hold on to that.
My advice is: If you live at her place, find a way to move out. If you live at your own place, retire a bit from her and see her less often. You can spend your time better than listen to her constant negativism.
All the best to you.
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