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My manly man likes to see she-male porn! Is this a common fetish for men?

Tagged as: Pornography, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 July 2007) 183 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My husband of five years is looking at shemales. He's always had a healthy sexual appetite. However, he has been less interested in me lately and has been acting suspicious so I started monitering his computer. He looks at craig's list everyday, in our area, under erotic services from t4m (transvestites for men). My husband is a man's man so I was very floored when I discovered this. He doesn't like to dress in woman's clothing, that I know of, so I don't think that it is because he is a transvestite himself. I'm confused. I've read all kinds of forums and some people say that there is no way he's gay because gay men are not attracted to femininity. Others say straight men would never be turned-on by someone with a penis. However, what if he is gay but is ashamed etc. and feels that searching for a woman with a penis is a suitable compromise for now? This may be too personal, but I feel it is relevant, he has a thing for anal sex (which I will oblige occasionally) and only likes to have sex "doggie style". I've never thought these details strange until now. I just need some opinions on whether or not straight (not bi or gay) men could be turned on by transvestites enough to look at them everyday. Yes, I will eventually ask him myself, but for know, I'm really not supposed to have found out this information (I used a keylogger because he deletes his entire history every time he's on the computer..hence 1 suspicious action). I really don't want to cause a problem in our relationship with this fact if this is just some common fetish that most people would never persue physically.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

He's not gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

He just finds it sexy. It's not a compromise. If he

wanted to be with men, he would. I don't think the

anal sex thing really figures in here either. Most guys like

the idea of doing it anally sometimes, but it's not

a substitute for having anal sex with a man.

A man's behind is NOT an attractive thing to a straight man.

A woman with a penis is an age-old fantasy. Kind of a

domination thing as well. He's probably seen some of these

videos with these beautiful Brazilian transsexuals with

big penises and it's pretty darn hot, I'll tell you.

It has nothing to do with being gay. Gay guys aren't

particularly into shemales. They might have shemale friends

and some might want to be one, but they like men, not

women with a penis.

I don't think he has an "addiction". He could,

but from what you've written, it sounds like he is

just excited by the idea. Craigslist ads lend themselves

to fantasy in that you can look at them, even answer them

and see what reply you get, but have no real intention of

following up on them. If he IS going out and having sex

with these shemales or tgirls, then that's another story.

By the way, there is a huge difference in a straight guy's

mind between a transsexual (shemale) and a transvestite

(guy in drag). Some guys in drag can look pretty convincing,

but when the clothes come off, what do you have? A guy

with some make-up on. Not at all the same. He probably

likes shemales, not tv's.

I'm sure he's way too embarrassed to talk to you about it. What would he say? Hey, do mind if I bring a transsexual over and have sex with her? You might throw

him out the door. I saw some women here replying with

similar situations and they are very burnt by this whole

thing. You sound very level headed in comparison.

I would just make sure he's not cheating on you,

and if he's not, then probably don't worry too much about

it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010):

- confrontation might cause problems as a lot had advised you...but if don't, the doubt will kill you. my BF of 2 yrs suddenly changed his sexual habits with me and his desire dropped termendecly, i suspect he was seeing someone and to my surprise after searching, found out about his new intrest in watchin shemale videos. FYI, he had always been a homophobic who doesnt even wanna here a joke about gays!!!

at least you have the right to ask to know and i am sure u will forgive but...

let us know how u r doing...

- to the female who wrote:

"A reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010):

For a year we dated and I always felt something to be terribly wrong! This is my story, a very painful one at that.

i feel for you...i went through the same thing with mine but i have no proof if he ever met any!!!

bottom line, i am sure that we r better off without them...and i hope u found cure to over come his love & the urge to see him...if u did plz tell me as mine is so fresh...and i am really hurt and in despair.....

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A male reader, zpo United Kingdom +, writes (12 December 2010):

Porn is a powerful narcotic. It has nothing to do with this man's sexual orientation. When we have sen all the straight porn and it stopped turning us on, we begin to turn to other things.

This man is not gay or bi. He is a porn (i.e. drug) addict. Just like with drugs, not everyone tries them and/or get addicted.

He needs treatment - a rehab because porn has screwed up his brain and he is not gonna make it on his own. This porn is more important to him than sex with his wife. Remember it always starts with straight porn.

If she started pushing him, it would only make things worse - he is an addict and can no longer make rational choices.

Those who operate on radical notions: like vagina - straight, like penis - gay, have not been in this man's shoes yet, but their time will come.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

Hey im a male and i seem to do the same thing as your husband, i have a girlfriend ive been with for about 3 years i love her to death and am straight.

The whole escort thing is kinda weird what ur husband is doing cause id never do that. But i have a fetish for anal sex, and i think we men do this because alot of women dont understand how much some men love this practice of sex.

In my oppinion you prolly shouldn't bring it up because cause i know that would just destroy me, i dont know really, but i can garentee you its because of the anal sex that most shemales do and all they do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010):

Well men like woman that are fem. Today our world makes that a crime. TG or shemale work very hard to be fem. More so then a lot of woman. Men like visual stimulation and that is why a lot of men like shemale porn because they dress very sexy and fem. just look at some of the shemale porn and how then cater to a mans sexual needs. Read some of the personals ads by shemale, saying they want to be submissive and have the man be a man. Think of the divorce rate today where the women do not want to understand how a man thinks and what he likes. a good book to prove this point is Dr. Laura Proper care and feeding of husbands. a lot of woman have forgotten or don't want to be sexy whores in the bedroom and supportive outside the bedroom.

A lot of men like Asian woman as well these days because of how they act towards the man as far as respecting the man and being sexy in the bed and willing as shemales.

Before you get mad think about it, woman do not act like they used to. look at marriages that last and ask how. The woman will always tell you i take care of my man in and out of the bedroom. now you know why some men like TGs or shemales.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010):

There are a lot of people over reacting here. If you want to give someone advice I think you should try to be impartial and leave your own issues out of it.

Firstly, an attraction to shemales is not an addiction. It is a fantasy for most admirers. The root of this fantasy can be complicated or simple - just like any fascination of the mind.

Some people have an addictive personality, and sex addiction / porn addiction are very real problems. However, this is only a problem if an when porn starts to to interfere with your functional life. I do not count an angry wife in this category, because you have to look at the husbands behaviour before he was 'cornered' and defensive.

Lying is always destructive in a relationship, and it is unfortunate that your marriage was at a stage where your husband felt he could not confide in you. This could have been part of the fantasy - to reinforce the 'forbidden' fruit complex.

I do not believe a man is gay if he is attracted to shemales. Some of these performers look particularly feminine when the are posing for photo shoots, and sometimes even in real life can appear to be women when fully clothed. Most shemale admirers are not attracted to masculinity at all.

However, Sexuality is not as clear cut as we like to label it. Whatever your own personal stance, most people are not 100% straight or gay. There is a lot of pressure on us as a society to conform to a particular label, and it is wholly unnecessary.

If a man is aroused by a penis, he is not automatically gay. There can be many psychological reasons for this. If a man is aroused by an attractive feminine woman, who reveals a penis - there is more going on than the labels of gay or straight can encompass.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

I can remember the first time i encountered porn, circa 1973 it was a playboy magazine my father thought he hid well enough. Fast forward to 1980's hard core porn found its way into main stream at the local video store adult section. Enter repeated exposure, dopamine release and addiction. Men are visually aroused more so than women. Fast forward to 1990's and the internet, suddenly at a point and a click porn that you never thought existed, video chat rooms (women seem to like these more) and now on a regular basis i am objectifying women on a regular basis, masturbating and seeking ever more intense erotic visuals including shemales and the whole gamut. My brain has been hijacked and i want it back-- i am going to seek out self help modeled on 12 steps because this is an addiction and i can't break its hold on my own.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010):

i want to share my side too.

i am a 30 years old man, my english is not that good so i am sorry for that.

i also like to see shemale porn, espacilay i like asian ladyboys porn. i dont think i am gay or bi but i also dont think that its so important. like the other guys who wrote here i dont like to touch or to have sex with other men.

i dont know what my problem is, but its hard for me to get an erction from a regular sex or simple porn.

when i was young i watched porn, then i moved to bdsm and that got me realy horny, after sometime i got use to it and moved to shemale porn. now its the only thing that gives me an erection! its hard... i love girls , i want to be with girls, to have a life with a women, but something in my sex drive is wrong...like some guy wrote here, for me the attraction for shemale got something to do with the fact that i like to be dominated by women, and yes a shemale is reflecting the ulltimate FEMALE domination.

i dont want to hurt any shemale here, but i dont want to get married with a shemale but something about haveing sex with them just blow my mind.

i dont want to blame the porn, before i started with the porn i met a ladyboy in thailand and they made me feel confused...

Now i dont date women cause i just dont get an erection and in my country there no preety shemales ( i only like the real feminine asian looks)...I dont know how to solve this problem...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010):

For a year we dated and I always felt something to be terribly wrong! This is my story, a very painful one at that.

Because I have never been at ease in this relationship, last week I decided to snoop around my bfs files and found his password for his cell phone account. I logged in and to my utter amazement there were hundreds of text messages. I began doing research online and looked up each text number. They were all escorts, offering sex for money. I confronted him about it and he was very shameful and sad. He will not admit that he met anyone of them and claims that he was only looking for massages. He says he never, not once has been unfaithful to me during our relationship.

As the days went on, I continued looking up all these numbers. I noticed he sought out only the most beautiful escorts. Also, during his many road trips, he would use that time to seek out escorts. He literally would text hundreds of them in one night then be with me the next night. AS I CONTINUED TO DO RESEARCH, I DISCOVERED THESE WERE NOT NORMAL ESCORTS BUT TRANNIES AND SHEMALES!!!! When I confronted him with this he said he is not BI and only wanted massages from them because they charge less money than a regular therapist. On every add I saw there was no mention of massages! I know he's lieing thru his teeth. He finally told me one came to his hotel room and gave him a massage. I find it hard to believe that's all that happened. My entire relaitonship makes perfect sense now that I've discovered this. All of his odd behaviors, his desparate need for a private life, random road trips to vegas, palm springs, Az, and many other odd behaviors. Some times it felt he loved me deeply then other times, I could fall off the face of the Earth and it woldn't matter to him. UPs and Downs!!! I always blamed myself that we could not have a normal relationship. He would always claim, "Wow, I've never had such a rockly relationship before". So many lies and deception. Even thou work would keep him traveling, I always felt funny about him leaving. Days would go by and I would only get a text here and there. He wouldn't check in with me when he was out of town. How can someone be so deceptive and what in the hell did he want with me? Was I just a cover up so he could tell people he had a gf? Was there ever any real love? I'm pissed off, deeply hurt, exptemely depressed and lethargic.

After many conversations with him and one face to face visit, I decided to end it completely and block his number from ever calling or texting me again. This is the worst dating experience I've ever encountered! Why the double life?? He's 38 years old, you would think he had it figured out by now!! I don't judge those who want that but they ought to keep the straight people out of it!!! The deception is deep!!! I'm completely freaked out. I suspect the whole time he was with me he was having secret affairs with trannies and shemales! My concern is HIV. We had unprotected sex during our entire relationship.

I still feel deeply for him and love him, although he cannot tell me he loves me and now I know why. We spent so much time together and I loved his company. At this point I feel nothing was real between us and it was all an act. What can I do to keep him out of my life, How do I go on?? The temptation to see him his huge and my heart breaks each day I don't hear from him. Even afer all that I know I still want him. How do I stay strong enough to stay away from him? If he was willing to tell the truth and go from there we may have had a chance but the only thing he does is protect himself and lie to me.

I've spent hours at the computer, researching and reading every single post. This is a whole new world to me. I even spent many hours viewing t-girl porn myself to see what this is all about. The first time I viewed it, I forced myself to have an open mind and allow myself to be turned on by it, but by the next day, it did nothing for me. It only made me sick b/c I've lost my relationship and many women are losing their men to this. It's a complete "mind ...." It causes men to question thieir own sexuality and depending on how far they take it, they will eventually meet up with them, have sex and be confused about it. They will then have no real desire to maintain a healhy relationship, or crave a woman like they once did. If they are not already Bi, this will certainly do the trick. I don't care what anybody says, receiving a penis up the butt if you are a guy - makes you either BI or gay. The porn industry is targeting these, young, attractve, straight men and ruining their lives by making it acceptable. I'm horrified. It's a real threat to our society. Men are becoming addicted left and right.

I can look back at my sex life with my bf and know exactly when he began fantasizing b/c we went from 5 hrs of anything goes sex, to 10 minute sessions, to no sex, over night this changed. I wondered what was wrong b/c I'm an attractive female and always ready and willing. I love sex. I had no clue what a Shemale was until now. This is a dangerous addiction that will ruin relationships. I've always been very open sexually, however this takes the cake and the line must be drawn somewhere. Next, it'll be animals! I don't mean to be so extreme and if your bf or partner is simply just viewing it once in a while then sure no prob, but I believe it gets worse overtime. My bf also had some alcohol issues and sex addictions which added to the whole thing.

Good Luck to everyone with this problem. My heart goes out to all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010):

I am a bisexual female who has always been honest with her boyfriend from day one. I started suspecting that my boyfriend was at least bi-sexual at least one year into our relationship. He claimed "no. He loves me." All types of shit.

After our first child was born three years later, our sex life started going down the drain.

I blamed myself. I was over-weight now with a less-than perfectly solid body, and now I have the word "mother" attached to my name. Of course he didn't want to have sex with me.

Watching porn was never a problem for me. I have always enjoyed a good dirty film, and would often beg him to watch with me.

I found out he was watching tranny porn. Big shock to me. He's so masculine and always talks down about gays. It wasn't the porn that hurt me. It was the LIES. It was the betrayal. He put ads on craigslist. He was talking to people, asking to meet up with them, and everything. Often he would describe his fantasies in FULL DETAIL to these trans, but not to me. A woman who LOVES sex. Loves to talk about sex and where NOTHING is taboo when it comes to having it. For the Universe's sake...I've had an orgy! You can't tell me about your little gay fetish? I'M bisexual! You can't tell me about your sexuality? And worse, you're trying to arrange to CHEAT on me.

Maybe trannies are "more beautiful" than actual women to him, but if that's the case, don't string me along. Go suck your cock, and let me go.

Whether you "straight" men want to admit it or not, IT'S GAY. You claim you're attracted to "femininity." Well, a pussy is as feminine as it gets. It DEFINES what being a female is. There are lots of beautiful a and b cupped women out there, so you can't say it's the breasts. What do these tranny women have that "real women" don't? A PENIS! Therefore, she is a MAN. No matter how much she identifies with a woman. You like the idea of having cock in your hand, but are too ashamed to admit it. It's ok. You can like who you want to like. But don't lie to yourselves and try to say you're straight when you're not.

More importantly, don't lie to your wives/girlfriends. I am still with my boyfriend, but I can't help but feel as though I'm not "woman" enough for him sometimes. What I DO know....

I'm damn sure not man enough.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010):

Ha...about 6 months ago my stupid husband forgot to sign off his email account...well to my surprise you can imagine what I found. Anyway he had registered with a particular site which he said was a mistake. He is a man's man..Anyway I've been snooping ever since and have since then found two other transsexual sites. The last one being a few weeks ago with a profile wanting a special woman with that special extra something..Did his arse hit the floor when I confronted him..No softly softly approach from me..stuff him..I will shame him for the deviant that he is!!! he's ripped my heart out..but I will not loose my confidence...I'm no supermodel but I can hold my own and know I'm attractive to real men and he knows that so the rubbish begins.. "I love you, you are my life he says" blah blah blah...He doesn't realise he makes my skin crawl. In fact he just walked into see what I'm doing and I told him..he is making me a coffee...I will put him through hell and back and I'm in the process of making a few friends of my own...TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME...HE HAS MORE TO LOSE OUTTA THIS MARRIAGE THEM ME...HE NEEDS ME..SO HE IS GONNA PAY BIG TIME..THE LAST LAUGH WILL BE ON ME!!!! All you ladies out there..be strong we are Woman and hear us roar!!!!

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A male reader, rachaelv United Kingdom +, writes (29 October 2010):

rachaelv agony auntAs a transvestite / she-male (at least some of the time) I can say that a fair number of "manly" or "real" men are attracted to men like myself who have rather feminine bodies and who like to dress up as women.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

I believe that shemale porn is used by the government to control the population. I first encountered shemale porn when I was around 15 and was repulsed. I looked at it again when I was 18 out of boredom and it turned into an addiction along with the rest of the porn I watch. I'm not gay but have deep guilt for watching this. There are more people on Earth today than have ever lived and if some guys get into this "trap" of watching shemales, which is an unnatural phenomenon, there will be less kids being made and more minds confused and fucked up. Deuces.

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A female reader, Bn United States +, writes (21 October 2010):

I can understand. no one can actually help you on this, but you're husband.it might be hard to ask and believe me. ive tired, and cant seem to get the words out to ask. im scared i might Hurt him. going around the problem isnt going to help. neither is poking and waiting, that will just end up hurting you.

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A female reader, tinab United States +, writes (18 September 2010):

It was about a 2 years when I started finding random transgender porn on the computer. My husband (of 4 years now) denied it and had all these fantastics reasons for the accidental download of tgirl porn...long story short, the cat and mouse game went on for at least 6 months, until I finally told him IT IS OK - I think it's HOT that you have such complicated sexuality. And it was true-I had thought about, I knew it was a fetish for him and I spent some time watching some of his stash, too and found it erotic and different. I am open minded on most things and best of all, did not feel threatened at all. My husband is in his early 40s, I am in early 30s and I figure there is no point in repressing someone's sexuality-there is nothing to be gained from that.

It wasn't just that I accepted it as his quirk-I opened myself up to something new, and frankly, I don't think it is a matter of opinion, tgirls are sexy, period! Is my husband bi? Maybe, I don't know...why assign labels to people? TO me, the choice to live "gay" or "straight" is technical, so since my husband CHOOSES to partner with me-he is living as a straight man. I don't let my sexuality define everything about me...when I was in my 20s I was primarily turned on by girls, and I acted on those fantasies many times, but I kinda grew out of it and realized that the fantasy part was ALWAYS better than the act, for me...and my when I really fell for my husband I discovered how much I am turned on by men (or, at least my man). A penis in a pair of panties can be very erotic, too. Some (I try not to use the term "shemale") tgirls use hormones, some feminine boys are so sexy that their androgyny doesn't need lipstick or high high heels and sometimes m2f get implants and various procedures just like women who enhance themselves, everyone is different and sexy in their own way. Transgendered people like anyone else.

But as any bio-girl knows that she can be easily objectified if she is seen as sexually enticing, I wanted to learn more about the lifestyle and understand the difference within the transgender community - there are crossdressers, sissys, tgirls...I am still learning, but as these girls are people with real identities, I want to understand how to feel ok (and my husband feel ok) about desiring that type of person without objectifying or degrading them. I don't have the answers to that yet, I think some tgirls are very defensive and have reason to be, but my husband and I want to have erotic experiences with transgendered people that we find attractive and get along with, and v/v...but we are in a solid relationship, so we are not looking to hurt anyone and we want to be enjoyed by someone who wants to have a good experience with us, too. It isn't anyone else's job to make our marriage more exciting, and I guess it is difficult to put into words, but just a "pay-for-sex" situation is not what either of us had in mind (well, I am sure my husband would enjoy it either way, lol, I don't begrudge him for sexual urges, it doesn't mean he loves me any less.

But we want to SPOIL someone, but these websites and ads seems to be all the same thing and that isn't what we want but we don't know where to go to meet these special girls, or beautiful cd's that want to come home with us and play dress up with me and be pampered and have hot sex...I think it sounds like good fun but it isn't easy to connect on that level with people. Either they think you are full of sh*t or ugly or crazy or all three...we aren't, we're just freaky and glad that we discovered the deepest eroticism in us both.

We went to a couple of clubs that had "tgirl night" because I thought it would either reinforce the fantasy for my husband or delineate the space between fantasy and reality, if he met someone and wanted to have a sexual experience (our understanding was that I would be there and it would be an experience that we could share - not him off having a sex life without me) but unfortunately it went a little south from there...my husband is very attractive and you find out quickly that the "working" girls at these clubs are like the "working "girls at any club & there is fierce competition. We didn't want to meet escorts, not that I am against that, I just had hoped that people who find each other attractive and hit it off could spend sometime together, sex wan't a "must"-both me and my husband wanted (and still do) to share a special experience with a transgendered person-because that is what we find erotic, sexually exciting and more than that-we want to go beyond the initial attraction and have a shared enjoyable experience that isn't disingenuous because of money...plus I didn't want to do anything that could land one or both of us in jail...so it is less a morals thing and more a safety thing...to tell you the truth, we wouldn't have minded paying for the right gal but the situation wasn't quite right...so the clubs were a bust.

So that was about a year ago...we still have our fantasies and have yet to make it a reality...don't know how...but the moral of the story is: you and/or your husband/boyfriend is gay or straight or WHO CARES-be a beautiful sexual being who loves as it wants to love - our commitment to each other is strong and we don't have the "sickness' of secrets (anymore ;) life without jealousy and deceit is the basis for a great relationship as much as sexual compatibility is...hopefully we will meet that right transgendered person to share our fantasies with and hopefully make some of hers come true too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

I am a 37 year old man who like shemales and does not consider myself gay or bi. I would say it is more gay to like a female bodybuilder,which almost repulse me because they are to masculine. Also many girls thinks other girls are sexy and often kiss other girls for fun without anyone accusing them of beeing a lesbian.

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A female reader, peanut72 United States +, writes (31 August 2010):

My fiance and I are both bisexual. He watches m2f porn- shemales. My response to it, on an ego level I do feel hurt as if me and vagina aren't enough, some how I am not woman enough. (I've had issues with my own femininity- being a tomboy and what I term a dirty nail girl. I like power tools and combat boots, I also do art.) Yet some of my closest friends have been and are transexuals. His interests hits a lot of my own insecurities. Shemales in porn are about fantasy- none of the trans I know in real life are like them at all. They don't strut around all pouty, with heels on and in lingerie. They are closer to real women. The same issues I have with shemales in porn I have with cis/bio girly girls. I like f2m, though porn is hard, if not impossible to come by. I have had these issues on and off with before him. Sexually we, as humans, are complex people, yet we have taboos. I aim to break mine. We love each other. We turn each other on and yes he gets turned on by shemale porn as well. (I know he isn't gay. He gets really excited when going down on me- I doubt a gay guy would get excited by that act.)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010):

If the definition of "gay" is being attracted to someone of the same sex, then men being into transexuals or men into strap-on is not gay. But the label "gay" or whatever isn't the issue here.

Your husband I believe has hyper-sexuality. He is so into sex that "normal" sex is not enough to satisfy him. Not sure about your husband, but often times these things can be rooted to childhood trauma. In my case, it was. I never considered it molestation, but I was touched by an older man and experienced my first orgasm when I was about 9 yrs old and learned about sex and porn much too early.

I was obsessed with sex and sexual pleasure to the point normal male sexual pleasure (male ejaculation, etc) wasn't enough. Also wanted to feel female pleasure (receiving).

Not once was I ever attracted to males. I was addicted to the feeling.

In my case, it wasn't a healthy sexual pleasure. If I was a gay man or I was hetero but it was pure pleasure, then it is totally fine for a guy to enjoy receiving anal. But for me it was something that gave me severe depression after the act, and it was rooted to my childhood trauma.

If it is affecting your sex life, then your husband should seek sexual addiction help. Also, as a spouse, there is help for you too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010):

As a 21-year-old with a tranny fetish, I'll explain it from my perspective.

I do not consider myself gay in any way, and I find the idea of sex with Men to be repulsive. My other fetish is femdom (female domination) like foot-worship, strap-on, facesitting, wrestling and stuff like that.

From my perspective, the penis has always been the ultimate symbol of domination, not just in a sexual form either. When you attach this symbol to a woman, it becomes the ultimate tool of domination, and for some reason that just turns me on...a lot. So in that sense, it's an extension of the femdom fetish into a different area.

Just because your husband is attracted to shemales, doesn't mean he doesn't love you the most, and it definitely doesn't mean he's gay (he'd be looking at gay porn or guys!).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010):

You should pleasure him in ways that only women can pleasure him, or to find out if he's gay experiment with things like strap-ons.

Hope this helps

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

I am a male to female transsexual. my income comes completely from doing porn. I haven't had a lot of surgeries, but I am on those tranny dating sites that some of your loved husbands like to frequent. I don't have a boyfriend.

What most males who post here say is that their love of "shemales" is unhealthy, that they need to overcome it to save their marriages, that its not a "true" part of themselves. it is as artificial as those shemales he masturbates looking at

I find the anti transsexual bias here kind of disgusting. I am on the recieving end of all this. I try to date men only to find out they are married , they consider this "an addiction" and they arent serious at all about dating trannies. You pussies!

if you are attracted to trannies just drop the repression act, divorce your wife and get on those dating sites. I get stood up all the time by insecure and cofnused guys who obviously dont understand at any level that standing me up hurts me!

if a married guy sets up a date with a tranny he should go. he should uphold his word. even if hes married. lying to the tranny is always the lesser sin in these tranny addiction horror stories. Dump your wife. date me you loser.

and also just because a guy wants to have sex with me it doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore human beings were never meant to be monogamous. if you don't trust your husband to come back to you after some carnal romp, does he truly love you and appreciates you for more than just fucking? if your relationship is worth anything ,he loves you wether he fucks a tranny or not! your jealousy is pathetic.

guys stop being pussies

girls stop hoarding them sexually! its not healthy for anyone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010):

Ok I'm what you call a man's man and I developed a fetish for shemales. I don't think that's because I am gay, it's the exact contrary. I'm so attracted to femininity that I even overlook the penis that she carries. The shemales are often much more beautiful that regular women, they have a beauty that seems unreal probably because of how much work they put in their quest to female perfection. Now after that phase, the penis became a "surprise", the unexpected forbidden fruit.

Many women are very judgmental, and I understand they feel betrayed and hurt. Personally, I feel screwed mentally because I ended up not desiring regular women anymore (while I initially did), being disappointed for the lack of "surprise". And for me like for others, it all started with internet porn, you just get saw a pic somewhere, get intrigued, look at another one and before you know it you're crawling the forums like a crack addict. I have been hoping what I considered a weird fantasy would pass but it's the opposite that has happened, I'm always craving for more. Note that for me it has remained a virtual experience since I've never met any on real life.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (30 July 2010):

Miamine agony auntAnon, 30th July... your words are beautiful... :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010):

It all seems very straight-forward reading sentences on a screen, but the reality of this situation is quite complicated.

Porn and visual stimulation is one thing, but i too have a partner that frequently uses dating sites and chats to explore the fetish- which is where the problem began for me.

He created a profile on nearly every site (and was silly enough to browse on my computer one night when staying over, (lol wooops! i'm a scientist, and tend to notice everything) He had erased the history but this is what actually raised my attention! and after checking my logger(which i use for data recovery) i was struck near- dumb by the depth of his fascination.

The shemale thing didn't concern me as it's common enough, but the messages between he and other users did. To add to the cocktail, he also displayed a huge obsession with BEING a girl, wearing dresses etc, and being humiliated by groups of men. (What a combination!) My ego aside, it seemed he had pushed himself into a corner and i wanted to help.

In his words I saw a desperation that made me feel really bad for him, that he had buried this soooo far down that it had become a demon for him, a demon that could put him in a lot of danger if he was to meet random strangers-

He is a very sensual person and i can see how he embodies many feminine qualities, and how these qualities were repressed in his youth; he was made to feel bad/picked on for being sensitive and artistic.

He was 99 percent set up for rendevouz in every exchange. But the message scrolls would come to a halt, the other user's "Hey where hav you gone? still wanna meet?" indicated that he had not yet acted on the urges or followed through with any meet ups so far.

I spoke to him that evening and he denied it (not very well mind you) I rattled off a few profile names and he knew i was being serious. I could see that he was freaking out. I asked him if he wanted to go back to being friends, and that I could support him, without getting hurt. (My female feelings were hurt, my ego wounded, my body felt insufficient, and I conveyed this without tears, judgment or anger)

He cried, saying he wasn't sure what it was. His confusion was clear and his embarrassment was awful, he felt so ashamed.

We have now been together for nearly four years, and he had not acted on his urges. In a way, i think it would be good for him, but i think his confusion tied between wanting a shemale and being female.. well it confuses me just thinking about it.

Personally, i think a tall, long haired boy in a dress is kinda sexy, and i'm making him more comfortable by saying so.

The slightest thing can make your guy close up on giving you such info. for mine? we had been watching comedy online and a hideous man in a dress was singing in a sketch. My reaction was of mocking repulse - and he took it in at the time, later telling me that the moment had made him think I was repulsed by transvestites or androgynous men - inwardly, perhaps repulsed by him.

But it kinda made me giggle, as the man on the show was really hideous and hairy, wearing a tacky dress lol most transvestites would've been turned off. (and Bowie? hellloo!I love Bowie ;P)

Once it was out in the open, it seemed silly- but that one little moment made him feel that he couldn't share certain things that were intimate to him.

Don't get me wrong, it really hurts when you are on my side of this. I have spent many hours worrying, fearing, crying and feeling insufficient, but after a good year of strong communication and forcing (yes, forcing) him to talk about it(which gets horns at first but really works- not berating- but try to talk about it from an EMPATHETIC angle- it really works once you break the wall down, he will realize you are being supportive) We can now casually flirt about it. (and he gives me hell about my fetishes too, don't you worry ;)

Most psychology is about desensitization. If your partner is cheating or is going to, then FOOT up the ASS for that man, run away!

but I realized that this part of him was part of what made him such a unique, sensual, artistic individual.

He may pursue something in the future, but we have had nearly four years of intense learning from each other, and we are quite in love.

There are times when the issue has nearly driven us apart, but having everything on the table is the only way it works.

Don't forget how beautiful you are, as a woman- Just because he likes different flavors of sexual stimulation (and sfor men, sneaking is part of the allure, trust me), it doesn't mean you aren't a gorgeous, sweet and WORTHY woman!

If you can't feel this way, then you should probably end the relationship as it will really drain your confidence, but if he isn't making real contact (or leaving you both open to internet stalkers) then try to appreciate the complexity of such an individual, and realize that each part of a person in some way contributes to the whole.

The same part of him that like she males is the same part that worships your female form- except men simply crave what society says they shouldn't lol

Optimistic? yes. If there comes a time where he needs to explore, I'll support as a loving friend, (As i would hope any true lover would do for me)

Peace to all

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

I too have had that experience. My now, exhusband was sneaking around on the internet. He was on backpage.com. I monitored the computer and he found every way he could to delete his sites, but I was smarter. I soon confronted him and he denied it all. It didn't get me anywhere but to divorce court where we pointed fingers. My ex was a manly man too. He was liked by all and many women around him was attracted to him. I let it go and confusion and distrust took place in our marriage. It wasn't healty for me. Later I found that he had actually made contact with a transgender. If you believe it then it is true. If is causing you to snoop, then you have cause. If you continue to dig you will hit China. I did and now we are divorced. You have to love you and your children. What he is doing is reckless and dangerous. An STD test is needed. I got herpes from mine. Trying to avoid and deny. When I met his new girlfriend I wasn't jealous. I felt sorry for her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

To the women who runs a support group on domestic violence and cannot figure out why men hit women, men hit women over:

Control over the woman.

They can not control their anger.

Women stay and let them.

Neurological disorder.

:and, we shall add the psychopathic, drug induced.

Do not say it, it is true. Women stay. The problem with leaving I have learned is likely he will have a desire accompanied by graphic images to hunt you down and kill you. My solution for myself "only" is to leave gradually. I have a certain amount of control & that is retreat from the argument and play dead. We own a business . I will leave... but I could have left yesterday.... How abused can I be when I can be considered a participant. Certainly I am not excusing his actions... HOWEVER, my concern must reside in responsibility to thy self. I cannot pass the puck, blame the shark when I choose to swim in the water.

I have all of these problems: A 6'5" cross dressing, shemale porn addict, anal sex loving, panty stealing, tobacco chewing, occasional pill popping abusive, alcoholic lunatic.

My husband would like to be the shemale which makes him a transsexual, but many would call him bisexual perhaps homosexual.He was also different. He loved to watch me shop, put on makeup, he would follow me admiring my thigh highs as I readied for work. It has been 2 years since we have engaged in sexual activity.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

Here's the deal. I am a relationship psychologist and focus on sexuality and relationship problems and what everyone is arguing about is not the real issue. Firstly everyone needs to start leaving the judgment at the door. Many women would be shocked to hear that some women are into tranny porn as well as men. People have all sorts of fetishes and they should not be judged for having a vivid imagination. What you and your significant other need to really focus on is what you are and aren't comfortable with; from there you must COMMUNICATE. I don't know how many times I find myself repeating that one. You can't go searching for the answers in everyone else but your significant other, you need to talk to them. Now once you are ready to talk, you MUST be understanding, the last thing a guy wants to hear is nagging and berating, he will instantaneously put up the defenses and shut down his logic and so does the woman. We can allow our emotions to get the better of us, after all this is our relationship, but once you start yelling, he becomes a bit confused, often times he won't even be aware that your feelings are hurt. He figures that he has kept it to himself and it doesn't really mean much. You must let him know that this hurt you, but please leave the disgust out of it. How would you feel if someone told you they were disgusted with your sexuality? Leave the name-calling at the playground. As a woman you are now comparing yourself to this fetish your boyfriend or husband is into, but let's be honest, most of us watch porn too, but I'm not having sex with a man with a 12" cock anytime soon or getting into a lesbian three-way, and if that's something I really wanted, my communication with my fiance is open and I am able to discuss this with him without fear of being judged or left. Now one last thing, if he IS taking action on this fetish of his, whether it be chatting online or looking up escort services, craiglist services, etc you MUST confront him. THIS is cheating, this is disrespectful and sneaking around behind your back and everyone deserves to be treated with respect. The fact that it is with transexuals is really a secondary matter. If you found these things on his computers and are afraid of a confrontation about his privacy remind him that you two are so incapable of trust that you had to do such a thing. After all this isn't an argument about going through someone's diary, this is your relationship, there are bigger things to discuss. I hope this was of some use to anyone who has discovered something about their significant other that they are having trouble coming to terms with. You must talk to them in a non-judgmental manner and even be open to the idea of seeing a relationship therapist, BOTH of you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010):

Looks like scientists have not settled about the issue (your husband attracted to shemales) that disturbs your mind. But they have put on the table some clues. For instance, shemales are not all the same, some might be close to women others just gay.

So my guess is, if the scientist are right, your husband can be either. I repeat, if the premise is right.

I can imagine that one has not to be gay to be attracted to shemales, although is quite understandable that a gay not assumed can go through it in a self discovering process.

What is behind homosexuality, being shemale related or not, is still not well known and in a way in contradiction with species survival. But that could be only because we can't understand it, or we are missing an important link in the perception chain.

The big problem in your marriage might not be the shemale attraction of your husband. This fact along to the possibly more important fact you are spying him could be the key to solve the dissonances in between.

So,I recommend that you tell him you are spying him, explain why you did so, what you discovered, try to understanding him, lead him to understand you,, do everything in a peace looking manner.

At the end you will get a conclusion. And the conclusion could be you too like shemales. We never knows what future bring to us.

Anyway, I advice you that shemales tend to be prostitutes.Sex with any kind of prostitutes is risky as health is concerned. Even though, as you discovered, the non prostitutes (as probably your husband is not) also have will to walk on risks.

Conclusion: talk openly, make the right decisions, or any decisions but carefully.

All the best for you both.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010):

re: the porn and sex industry have created modern day

transsexuals for our consumption.

To them commenter below:

I didn't mean to suggest that in every case it's the porn industry to blame but the men here are finding themselves attracted to transsexual women in porn. These women generally have large breasts, buttock implants, facial reconstruction that makes them feminine in an exaggerated way with inflated lips, etc. This goes far beyond "passing". To the transsexuals out there that took things just far enough to pass but not further, I understand that my comments don't apply to you but then again men aren't addicted to masturbating to your images so its a different story. Nor did I suggest that its illegal or immoral, just not natural that all these men who never had impulses towards a penis all of a sudden find themselves on this board.

I don't think shyness has anything to do with you meeting men. Men either have a fetish for this in which case they are considered tranny chasers and not desired by transsexuals, or they don't, in which case they will have no interest in you at all. The thought that some open minded man who likes women will fall for a transsexual and then just happen to be OK with your penis is far fetched. That only happens in The Crying Game, not in real life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010):

the porn and sex industry have created modern day

transsexuals for our consumption.

Transsexuals are not created by the porn industry, at least not me. I never got any money from the porn industry or even considered it. Liking transsexuals may be a little bit of a kink but it's not the end of the world -- dating a transsexual is completely legal and if you're single I don't see anything morally wrong with it! It's just frustrating sometimes because men can be so shy. That's why they sometimes prefer the porn to real life, I guess.

And as far the physical aspects of this, at least where my body is now, it's not all that different than any other male-female dating situation. I can go out like any other person -- there's just our little secret and even that is mostly in the mind.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010):

to that one guy who put his answer down there thank you, you hit the nail on the head, i love girls but only want a sexual relation if its someone i'm in love with, i understand why i like shemale porn now, though i still aint sure i've came to terms with it, im tired of it, but yeah its cuz of the perversity and i think it maybe the normal fuck anyone guys that may be the gay ones in reality, because its' the same story transposed, but thank you, i understand myself a bit better now, understand my urges to shemale porn and all that

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

I'm a straight guy who has gotten really into tranny porn over the last month. I'm shocked at my own attraction to it. Like the others here, I'm not attracted to men or penis' on men, and I'm only attracted to feminine looking trannies. I have also contacted some tranny escorts in my area, asked questions, etc. I even went as far as trolling outside a tranny party that I saw advertised on CL held at a bar in downtown NYC. I just wanted to observe the comings and goings, but it was a quiet night. I have found this blog helpful and am grateful to those who have taken the time to post. I'm white, single, 37 years old, educated, fit, masculine.

Since I'm single, I won't address the infidelity issue that has been raised on this blog. That's a whole separate issue be it with man, woman or trans-gender.

For about the last 10 years I've been addicted to internet porn, masturbation, and sex with prostitutes (female). I have not the slightest doubt that this recent compulsion towards tranny porn is the porn addiction run a muck, and that the addiction caused this desire which is not natural to me, not innate in any way. I absolutely love women and have traveled the world and spent lots of money to have sex with women of all shapes, sizes, skin tones, etc. I would be open to being gay, I'm just not. This is about my mind needing to shock itself, cross boundaries, etc in order to produce the same thrill that other things once did.

Having read the posts I see a lot of people saying things like its no big deal and you should be who you are and like what you like, etc. Abstractly I would agree with all these principles but I think this is different. In almost all of these cases a porn addiction was present which is of course an unhealthy and unnatural state. Without this addiction the desires and impulses to fantasize about a tranny would never have existed. Therefore I don't believe that any desires or compulsions that are born out of an addiction should be embraced. We are not talking about a situation where a guy meets a tranny in a bar, knowing or not, and ends up falling for a particular person. In addition, though transsexuals have existed for all times, only very recent modern medical technology consisting of hormones, various types of implants, facial augmentation,etc is able to produce such feminine looking transsexuals which all the men on here report as being the only ones they are attracted to, like myself. Therefore we are finding ourselves attracted to something that is not innate in the natural universe. It would be different if one found themselves attracted to trannies who did nothing more that grow their hair, wear women's clothes and makeup, etc. Just as McDonalds has created foods that people find unnaturally tasty and literally kill themselves over, the porn and sex industry have created modern day transsexuals for our consumption.

I'm very nervous having read how this has affected so many people lives. Right now my plan is simple: try to stop looking at it and hope my brain resets itself. This is of course easier said then done for a porn addict. If that fails I may go the route of living out the fantasy. Some men on here did report that after they tried it they realized the fantasy was better then the reality and it either went away or lessened greatly. That has happened to me with other sexual fantasies. Of course there is always the chance it goes the other way...

I have also found it helpful to look at pics and videos that show transsexuals before and after. This makes my erection go away in a hurry and if exposure to visual images got me into this mess, maybe I can use different images to get me out of it.

Good luck to all those affected by this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010):

I am getting off the topic here but I just read a reply that made me sick to my stomach. In response to the lady who said you don't understand how men can be straight but attracted to shemales, yet you can understand why an alcoholic man beats his wife and kids. I have a question for you there are thousands I mean thousands of scolars in this world who cannot pin point a spefic reason or understanding as to why men abuse their families, yet you do?

I run a support group on domestic violence so please enlighten me what is it you understand and how do you know the reason for such actions. There is no understanding and there sure is no reasoning. Not one person on this earth including women have a right to raise their hand to anyone else. You claim cause he is an alcoholic, typical excuse from an abuser. I suggest the next time you respond to something that has nothing to do with the underlying topic, that you go to a sight where women suffer every day and explain to them the reason and the understanding. You could make a lot of money because the way I see it your the only person in the world who can understand such excuses and reasons. I am disgusted.

As for the lady asking about the shemale porn, honey I am a female and I am straight, I respect all people in this world no matter who they are, everyone has a right to be who they want to be. My suggestion to you is let him go, he wants to be with a shemale, it wont go away the craving and the urges will get worse and he will seek want he wants, leaving you to be devastated. You both deserve to be happy, carry on with your own life and find someone who will only be attracted to you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010):

shemales are basically the newest kind of sexdoll on the market...why wouldn't guys who think with their penises be interested?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

For what is of transsexuals, I can't tell, since I never

encountered any in my lifetime.

Yeah, I can understand that. And the reality of actual flesh in the blood transsexuals is going to be a bit different from the fantasy. A relationship with a transsexual may not completely end your desire for shemale porn. Anyway, I'm sure you can study this matter yourself at some point in the future.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010):

My problem is lack of confidence. I don't want a man, I want a girl. I'm in peace with myself on that matter. I had the opportunity to have sex with guys in the past, and it never attracted me one bit. For what is of transsexuals, I can't tell, since I never encountered any in my lifetime.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010):

Unfortunately I find it hard to find a good girl,

especially at the age I am (26yo). Most of the young women

are only looking for physical relationships, and as I

explained, I can't really have this kind of relationship

with a girl.

There are plenty of 26 year old men who meet women. Your problem is something else, and if you don't recognize this, you're going to end up like the husband of the original poster. Married, but sneaking a peak at porn or craigslist, and then it all comes crashing down in pain and horribleness. You can avoid a whole lot of misery to yourself and your future wife if you can just come to grips with the idea that maybe you aren't totally straight. That straight guys don't really like shemale porn, you know. They like vajinas. You are different.

I'll just say this. Figure out what you really want, make peace with it, learn to be safe about it, and go out and get it. With a little luck, you'll find someone to make it happen for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010):

I would really like to have a talk with the girl saying her boyfriend is playing MMOs all the time, and watch pregnant porn and stuff. If you are reading this, please reply to me, maybe we can arrange some way of communicating each others.

For what is of She-Male porn, I think there is different types of guy who like it for different kinds of reason. First of all, there's nothing like being completely straight, completely gay, or completely bi-sexual. We all are erotic-emotional human beings. It comes down to having different levels of sexual attraction towards a particular sex. And those levels are ever changing in each individuals. I'm not saying that everyone will end up being gay when straight one day, or the other way around, but it's just that there is nothing solid as concrete.

Taking that into account, like I previously said, there's different reasons why a guy could be attracted to She-Male porn. Domination, Bi-Sexuality, Fear of womanhood(yep, even being straight), or simply it being a perversion, a kink. I can tell you that since this particular fetish is very popular among men, it is in a lot of those cases only a perversion, a kink, a fetish. A lot of those same men would not even be capable of having sexual intercourses in real life with one, but can easily masturbate fantasizing on it.

There's no real problem there. The human mind is difficult to explain, and understand. There's a lot of sexual fetishes around, and there's no real explanation for it. The only explanation is that the person liking something in particular sees beauty in it, and beauty is turned into a sexual attraction. The real problems are the pornography itself and the dishonesty towards your partner when you are in a couple. Pornography easily turns into an addiction, and the addiction turns into always wanting more. So, in the case of the girl I am addressing to, your boyfriend seems addicted to MMO games, also seems to start being addicted to porn, which is a real problem. Also addressing to the original post, the problem with your husband is not that he is attracted to She-Males, it is that he is being dishonest with you, and he is also wanting a real encounter with someone else(a transsexual in that case) via Craig-list. That is dishonesty, and infidelity. So ask yourself, is it really the fact that he is attracted to She-Males that bothers you, or is it that he is being dishonest, and is looking to cheat on you? If you can accept the fact he is attracted to She-Males, you should really make a move to talk to him about it, and try to understand him, and make him share his fantasies with you. As long as you make him understand that if is he looking to cheat on you, this relationship can't continue. If you can't accept the fact that he is attracted to She-Males itself, well you should terminate that relationship right away, unfortunately.

I myself am attracted to She-Males, in porn that is. Don't know if I could do it with one in real life. What I can tell you is that I am straight. For now that is, I am not attracted to manhood. My fantasies are a mix of perversion, porn addiction, and fear of womanhood. The thing is, I am single. I shared my fantasy with my ex-girlfriend, unfortunately it ended up turning against me in the long run. But I still feel it's important to be honest when you love someone. Anyway, let me explain the fear of womanhood. I one of those guy that can't really have a sex-only relationship with a girl, I got to love a girl to make love to her. I think this is in a way related to her genitals when I am looking at pornography. I can't seem to have sexual attraction toward a girl I don't love. As when it is a She-Male, I can easily feel perverse about it without shame. It's like, when I see a girl acting like a slut on video, it frustrate me, even if it excite me too. So her genitalia kind of disgusts me in a way, while it never does when I am in a relationship. In short, I like pussy when I'm in love, but I like a dick for perversion(on a woman). It's weird, and hard to explain. I can also say it turned out as a perversion cause I am addicted to porn, so having watched a lot of it, I kind of ended up having a nitch toward She-Male. But I'm really getting tired of it, and I'm looking for a real love relationship with a real woman, I'm not interest in She-Males in real life at all.

Unfortunately I find it hard to find a good girl, especially at the age I am (26yo). Most of the young women are only looking for physical relationships, and as I explained, I can't really have this kind of relationship with a girl.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

I'm a transsexual myself, and it seems to me men often make the mistake of trying to go for what society wants rather than what they really want themselves. They just end up frustrated, guilty, sneaky and unhappy. Nobody wins, and no amount of therapy is going to fix this. If there are no children involved, you might consider just letting him go and be happy, and then move on yourself to someone you don't need to fix.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

i am totally straight 34 year old male but i am turned on by shemales, they look like beautiful girls but they have a cock that is kind of a turn on , i don't know why, i had a shemale give me a massage one time and i did not know it was one till i felt something that kept rubbing up against me, i turned over much to my suprise it was a penis, i was a little mad at first but she asked me to touch it and the next thing i know i was stroking it, then she asked me to suck it, i was scared but i tried it, i sucked it for a while then she shoved it in my ass it hurt at first but then it felt great, then she cummed right in my mouth, it was delicious i swallowed every drop, i don't like men but i would do a shemale in a second

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010):

It seems like a lot of the men and women posting on here have one thing confused. They are mistaking UNDERSTANDING for ACCEPTANCE. I can understand why an alcoholic husband beats his wife and kids, but I can't accept it or say it's ok.

My boyfriend has been looking at shemale porn since he was around 13. I know porn is an addiction for him and I wish I could do anything to take it away. I had plans to marry him, until his wanting a threesome, him lying about porn, and his posting of a craigslist ad looking for a sexual encounter with a transsexual came to light. I have no idea what I will do now. but I do know one thing, if I am going to he in this relationship, he needs to be in counseling every week for at least a year. I'm pretty sure he was sexual molested while a child.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010):

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and we live together. When we first got together we had amazing sex all the time. We were together 24/7 because neither of us worked or went to school, and we never got tired of each other. Eventually he got a job first, where he worked overtime. It was after a couple of months working there that I noticed a drop in our sex life. But I could understand that, he'd work for ten hours then come home exhausted. I'd be a little disappointed but didn't make anything of it. Then it kept happening more and more. Any time I would initiate sex we would make excuses like, "man my stomach hurts" or he'd yawn exaggeratedly and roll over saying, "I'm sooo sleepy." Then I got a job, where I also worked long hours. He'd be home for hours upon hours by himself and I was just curious as to what he did for all that time. I'd come home and ask, "So what'd you do today?" At this time he started playing an MMO ALL the time while I was at work, and when I got home he'd keep playing and just ignore me for hours. I started looking at his computer history and found out he was watching porn every day while I was at work. It just hurt so bad that he could do that while I was gone then ignore me when I came home. I can understand single guys watching porn, but when you LIVE with your girlfriend who is always in the mood for sex.. I don't understand. It makes me feel inferior and like he's not attracted to me. A lot of guys say it's because their girlfriends are the ones that don't want sex, so it's their fault. But that's not the case here. I finally just confronted him about all this and he said that he has just always had a low libido. That didn't seem to be a problem at all when we first got together. Then he said that even those times he didn't really want to.. which made me feel even worse. He says he loves having sex with me and I'm the only thing that gets him off.. so why watch porn and quit having sex with me?! He said he doesn't watch it to get off, that he just watches it because he's bored. He has also told me that he's never gotten off from masturbating. I asked him why he likes porn, what he thinks about when he watches it. He said he thinks about me in a sexual way. If he can watch porn and think about me, think about sex, then why can't he direct that energy towards me? I hate that he watches it because it's desensitizing and obviously has affected him. He promised that I am the only thing that satisfies him and that he wouldn't watch it anymore. Then a couple days later I found it on his computer again. He said he was sorry he "forgot." HOW COULD HE FORGET AFTER I GOT SO UPSET ABOUT IT?! That really hurt, like he didn't care how I felt. That he KNEW it upset me so much, then watched it anyway. He said he understood where I was coming from, that he would be mad too if he were in my situation. Since then I haven't found any more porn on his computer, but that doesn't mean anything.. he could just be deleting it or using private browsing. I still worry about it. Our sex has picked back up a little but still not at the level where I would like it. I mean I am ALWAYS satisfied when we do have sex.. I always orgasm and there are no problems with the sex itself. And he knows that, so there's no reason why that should cause a problem for him.. Maybe I just have an overactive libido? I fucking hate it. Any time I want to have sex I feel like I'm pressuring him to do something he doesn't want to do, based on what he said before. The other day I was looking at his old history from months ago, because I was curious about what type of porn he watched. I found his previous searches for pregnant porn. And he has told me before that this was a fantasy of his. Then I saw where he had looked up SHEMALE porn. Multiple times. He also searched GAY porn. Now I have never had any suspicions about his being gay, but seeing that he searched the word gay (not lesbian) really made me feel weird. I wish I had never seen it because now it's all I think about. I don't know how to bring it up with him, and I don't want to make him feel weird or ashamed about it because it's already a difficult subject. I'm just afraid that the longer I keep this bottled up, eventually it's all just going to come spilling out of me in an accusatory way and I don't want that. More than anything this all just makes me feel worthless. I've always considered myself to be open-minded. And porn never bothered me before, but now that he is with me, why watch it? Am I not enough? Everyone justifies this by saying, "it's just a fantasy, he doesn't actually want to act it out" and "men are visual." I DON'T WANT MY MAN FANTASIZING ABOUT ANYTHING BUT ME! So maybe that's an unreasonable request but I don't fantasize about anything but him. When I'm horny I don't imagine having sex with hot actors and I certainly don't need to look at porn. I think about him and us having sex and the way he satisfies me like he does. He is all I need, everything he does turns me on. I don't need outside help. Fuck, maybe I'm the odd one here.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010):

What part of sheMALE are all you " straight" men in denial about?? You claim your straight but yet get off to men! Hmmmmmm get the picture? You can justify their femininity all you want to yourselves but the bottom line is you are all strangley attracted to dicks and butt holes ...YOUR ALL GAY. If your ashamed about it and have to hide it from your spouses then there is a serious communication problem on your behalf. I understand society can be a very judgemental place but do all of your wifes a favor and come out of the closet and quit being cowards! Just admit you all are cum guzzling closet queens at heart:) toodles and one more word of advice...If you are a female and are concerned about your husbad possibly being gay, get yourself checked!! The rectum is so permeable and this us why homosexual males have the highest HIV rate in the USA!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010):

I think that the fact that gay men are not typically interested in shemale porn lends me to think that men who watch shemale porn are probably not gay. I think that there is a large gray area in the middle of the sexual spectrum. I, for example, can get turned on by viewing lesbian porn but do not get turned on by a lesbian experience. I think the fear is reasonable though because we all know gay men married to women and having children, but I don’t think that is the case here. I think the question then isn’t is he gay, but rather do I trust him in general not to cheat.

And for all the men calling women over reactors, listen, the male and sometimes female fascination with porn in general borders on unhealthy. It will always take a tiny bit more to get you turned on the next time. I just don’t see how that can lead anywhere productive. Between anal porn and shemale porn – my vagina hasn’t felt more useless. Can we take some of that energy and use it to add some creativity in the bedroom and have a real and fulfilling experience?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010):

I have just been told my boyfriend of 6 months that he is into Tporn. We dated for 3 months and thruout that part of our relationship we were like two teenagers madly in love. But I noticed he would make some strange comments when we would drink casualy with friends and we were on our way home. Things like "I dont deserve you", Your too good for me", or "There are some things about me that nobody knows about and never will". Then a few days later would say "Your my best friend, I trust more then anyone in my life". Then a few days after that, told me he no longer felt the same right now and we broke up. However we still talked everyday and only saw eachother and both admitted that it felt like we never broke up.

After a month and half of this we decided that we only wanted to be with eachother and got back together and decided to take it much slower then we did at first. The other day we were chatting and out of nowhere I asked "Would you ever date a transexual, a woman who was once a man but became fully female". I have no clue where it came from, I guess I was just asking outta curiosity, since I by nature am curious and well nosey! He said that he would, then I asked if he would date a transexual person who didnt yet have surgery. He said he would talk to them and get to know them, but not date till they had the surgery. I thought to myself "Wow, my guy is really opened minded and not hostile like most men I know when this subject gets broched."

Later that night we went out had some drinks and came back to his house. We are in bed chatting and he says "I have something I have to share with you". When I asked the Trans question earlier in the day, he thought I had found something on his computer, becuase I was on it shortly before I asked the question. He broke down like I have never seen before and said he is so ashamed to admit this and that this is a horrible dark secret he has kept for about 10 yrs (he's 26, Im 28). That he watches Tporn and gets so turned on. He should me on his computer the photos and videos he watches and asked if I thought he was a freak or if I thought he was disgusting (which I think neither of him). He said he is ashamed because he is manly man and if anyone close to him found out would be devestated. He doesnt know if this makes him gay or bi, but he trusts me so much and in order for him to feel like our relationship could continue he had to tell me the truth. I was shocked, but tried my hardest to understand and try to make sense of what he was telling me, while trying to make him feel as tho he could let me in further and not shut me out. To hear him speak about his shame broke my heart. I love him with every inch of my being and so want to believe that even with this news we can still have an amazing relationship together. He told me that he is very much attracted to woman and also attracted to Trans woman because they look so femine, but then "bam" they have this kind of surprise down there.

He also told me that he has never had an encounter, but has talked to Trans woman on the net and asked them questions. He said many have offered to be sexual on a web cam, but that he declined and that he more or less is trying to get info so that he can figure out what is going with him. He tells me that he would no way cheat on me with a woman or a trans female. He says that he just wants us to try different things in bed, but he has felt uncomfortable in asking me to do certain things. Im very open sexually and have no problem playing with him analy with my hands. He has asked if we could get more kinky in bed with toys and what not and Im going to do my best. I want nothing more then to be able to please my man and keep him satisfied. My fear is that, what if this isnt enough, what if later down the road he feels the need to explore this physically with a trans woman? Im also afraid that maybe Im looking thru rose colored glasses and have my own fantasy that Im enough for him and the Tgirl porn is just a fetish thing for him and an erotic thing. I dont want to lose him or the amazing relationship we have, but I also dont want to get my heart broken either. Im doing my best to be understanding and to be there for him they way every partner should be. I guess I want to know if how Im going about this is a healthy way of dealing with taboo issue or if Im just prolonging the inevidble doom of our relationship. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

my husband and I have been married for 3 years, last october I caught him masturbating in the restroom while on the phone. I gave him the choice right there and then to leave or stay not caring who it was ( if its not his wife-then its not ok), I slapped him multiple times trying to force answers out of him and it sadly worked.long story short, he had been cheating on me for almost ten months with trannys and women also. He actually sucked and got sucked and had anal sex. They were all from craiglist. He even had a post to reel them in.needless to say we were both checked for STDs the day after!and whether it was rigth or wrong I called him a fag and threw everything in his face multiple time- he would put his head down and cry. ( since he is a mans man too- this hurt him A LOT) Now what I'm about to say may confuse you but I still love him. Not to say this is an excuse but he was molested by a family member when he was 4. I want to help him as I think that anything is possible and everything happens for a reson- God will only give me what I can handle. I pray I made the right choice to stay with him. He has been going to therapy and hates it but realizes that this is the the only way to fix our marriage if he still wants it- he has to fix whatever is going on in his head. Ill say it again, I love him and am willing to help him but I've learned my lesson and have cut off any internet on his phone and our laptop was stolen- thank god.I check phone bills and have him on check. I worry and constantly remind him that the dooors are always open if he wants to leave and If just one more thing or lie were to come up- I would leave him no second thoughts. But I cry and can't get the images out of my head and I'm really f'ked up the head. I'm seeking a therpists help as well. He has scarred me for life I have a permanent brken heart but I know that I can change thatmentality if I trust he is doing right and that he is seeking help. And of course that we both have faith. He apologizes a lot and to this day has said he doesn't know why he did it and says he was disgusted after every encounter. There are sooo many questions I have and since no one but him can give me those answers I'm left in the dust with doubts all over the place- but with this answer- I just want you (the person who asked the question) to know that if he still feels any love for you he will seek treatment immediately and you will too. And keep his ass on check ALL the time. Hide the computer and think positive. My best wishes to you and your family. Everday is a struggle at my home- we have sex but I cry most of the time. I have dreams about his actions and it disgusts me to the very core. His words mean nothing to me because throught the time he was cheating on me he still told me he loved me and evertyhing was fine with the exception of a satisfying sex life. He's changed a lot since what happened. I'm a huge bitch now and he is my only weakness and my heart is not healed so don't think with this story there is a happy ending as its still being written- I just feel that if you love him and vice versa you will at least try- and if it doesn't work- then you can walk with your head held high and can call yourself a trohpy wife cuz you stayed by his side through thick and thin- he's the one who failed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010):

Well, being that this topic is still alive and kicking, I decided to add my 2 cents.

My fiancé of 7 years he is in his early 60's. Myself, I am 50. My fiance has been looking at shemale porn for the last year and a half. I felt uncomfortable at first, wondered if he was gay, if he no longer found me attractive, etc. So, I decided to joy him. Together, we watched the videos, we watched it while having sex. My! His sex drive was so much more! I thought okay, I could live with this. Well, that was a year and a half ago. To the men who wrote be understanding…Well read this! My fiance is now saying that he wants to hire one for money, “just for the experience”. "You give an inch they take a foot". Now check this out, he screwed up his face when I had asked him to buy me something (which I don’t do too often) but he is willing to put forth who knows how much money for a one night stand with a shemale. So, to the women out there! Look where my understanding got me!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

transexual porn is aimed at straight men,u know the comedian seth rogen,the guy from pineapple express and funny people,he said in a playboy interview that the elephant in america's room is that most straight men are turn on by tranny porn.

just think about it gay men don't want to have sex with a guy who have breast,ass,and curvy body,who looks like a woman.they want to have sex with a 6 foot ripped guy with pecs and abs.just do ur own research,google something like tranny porn is aimed at straight men

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

To May 15 anon:

I started out in my teens as homophobic as anyone. Now that I'm 50, my fantasies are similar to yours. Personally I think it's just boredom -- I'm coming up on 30 years since I had a new sexual partner. So my fantasies are getting more wild. Not that I could ever do anything about them.

Just so you know you're not alone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010):

Wondering myself if there is some thing wrong with me being turned on by shemale porn.

I have been married for a very long time. when I was about sixteen There were times when me and my buds would get together and get drucnk at a gay friends apartment and have sex with his male friends.After getting married my interest for gay sex seemed to repulse me. However at the age of I guess at the age of fifties my fanties sometimes will be more and more about gay and shemale sex.Fantises get stronger by the year.I have never been penetrated or sucked anyone but fatisies have now involed me doing that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010):

Hey,

I look at shemale porn. I feel ashamed when I do. It is very unhealthy for my sanity. I masterbate to it because I get very turned on by it. It started off as an accident when I was 15 I accidently found a shemale video. I was hooked ever so slightly. Eventually its all I cared to look at. I have a girlfriend now and have not told her about my fetish. I plan on quitting it and can go for months at a time without it. but eventually I binge on the filth.

Scientifically, I can explain this desire, and can justify it. but my moral upbringing goes against this.

All I want is for someone to erase the mental images of shemales that are in my mind. to totally erase the desire of getting screwed by a shemale. I go for months without it but the images will always creep up into my mind, haunt me in my sleep, and eventually get me to look at them.

I have tried limiting my porn to female only, but then, I go from soft to hard. I literally have tried everything known to man.

My advice is that we need porn regulation. nation wide. don't let your kids be exposed to what I have been exposed to because it will ruin their lives.

I pray for a solution.

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A female reader, Gabriella123 United Kingdom +, writes (4 May 2010):

I understand how some of the women on here feel, I too discovered that my partner of 10 years had contacted a transvestite via the internet and had made contact several times - but it was also clear from what I read that it had gone no further. I confronted him about it and he was upset, said he was curious but swore that he had not met for sex or anything. (I actually gave him a 'get out clause' but he chose to be honest which I at least appreciated).

Like you guys he just didn't want to talk about it, he said he would never do that again as our relationship is too important. He said he was ashamed. But I have tried to say that rather than shut me out I would rather know what he is interested in? We can all have fantasies as long as it doesn't go any further than that.

It is the fact he went behind my back (presumably as he thought is was shameful) which is what upsets me. Our sex life is good but not as frequent as I would like but he always is keen, so hadn't thoght it was a problem, and the rest of our relationship is fine! All very confusing...

But I have found these posts have helped, I know now he isn't gay but that it sounds a reasonably common fetish thing. If only men would be more open!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010):

Hi, despite your question was asked 3 years ago i still share my thought on the matter cuz people still read :D

Although it might seem weird that men like she-males, it doesn't mean they're all gay.

Some times it has to do with a forbidden fantasy. For me at least.

And from my perspective, the reason i like she-male porn is the sight of women that have the same genitals as i do. Hard to explain.

Seeing a woman with an erection you KNOW she's turned on.

Off course i know deep down they're men, but if they look VERY much like women the mind and imagination just blocks out everything male exept the penis.

I like women, but i also like anal porn. Put those to together, give her a penis and i'm willing to watch.

Short answer: A suitable forbidden fantasy.

i have friends that also like it, well 2 at least. We are close, talked about it and it's not even a shame. (However, we don't discuss this in public.) My girlfriend doesn't know. Let it be one of my little secrets :p

--AJ

27 yrs old. the Netherlands

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010):

yes it is very common.....end of story don't need to say more

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010):

I have a very dear friend who whilst she has chosen NOT to have the full sx change with removal of all sexual organs, she has undergone a number of facial/cosmetic cahnges to soften her jaw & make her look more feminine. The main rason she chose to retain her sexual organs was due to a number of her friends having had the full operation thinking they were completing the transition for them & their partners only to findthemselves alone when their partners no longer felt comfortable taking a passive, yes passive role with sex - it seems a high percentage of straight? bi? males can allow themselves to take a passive role as all outward appearancs of their partner are female. The appeal is lost when the partner has all female genetalia removed, leaving one very depressed transsexual, one her own & without the support of a partner, for whom she embarked on this journey,

Andrew, Sydney, Oz.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010):

I recently discovered that my boyfriend for less than a year as been looking and chatting with she males for a fee. He really had no answer for his activity and doesn't want to discuss it. Unfortunately, our sexual activity has diminished. I was willing to put it aside, I was willing to hear about his fetish, I was willing to accept it if he was willing to be open about it. His reaction is very disconcerting because he wants me to get him off but he hasn't done this for me. I have asked several times for him to please me in the ways that I find pleasurable. He tells me he is too tired, no energy, etc... I have begun to log this so that the day we do discuss he can't refute the facts. I love him dearly however I am not going to feel as though I have a problem and be denied sexual pleasure from my partner. I would rather he just be honest and we can go our own way.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010):

nope im straight never been attracted to a guy in my life or gay porn, I love trannies and I very often fantasize about sex with them, its a fetish though I personally do plan of persuing it physically though he may not, just ask him, if your open minded to it I cant see the harm

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A female reader, babysweet United States +, writes (10 April 2010):

babysweet agony auntI feel the exact same way.I have been with my husband for 21 years now and married for 15,I also linked in to see his history and my husband is looking at shemale porn everyday,I even found out that befor we made love while i was in the shower he was looking at shemale porn,I feel so offended,that he had to see that in order to be with me.We had a very active sex life playing all kinds of roles,i even put a strap on for him and I had even dressed like a man per his request,he dressed as a woman and i was not atracted to this at all,I told him how i felt and yet he did it a few more times.we used to watch porn together but now he is going behind my back.he is always talking about having a threesom or four some with a shemale and a feminine gay guy,I dont know what to do.I just feel nothing but bile right now,He also had previously had internete conversations with 4 different females over the corse of 2 years.I left him but always came back I feel this is cheating he had intimate conversations even got really close to one to the point he was going to leave to be with her.He used to be conservitive now hes on the balance of gothic says he dosent belive in GOD i am cristian.HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?IS HE GAY A INTERNETE WHORE?OR WHAT I NEED ANSWER'S

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A female reader, babysweet United States +, writes (10 April 2010):

babysweet agony auntI feel the exact same way.I also linked in to see his history and my husband is looking at shemale porn everyday,I even found out that befor we made love while i was in the shower he was looking at shemale porn,I feel so offended,that he had to see that in order to be with me.We had a very active sex life playing all kinds of roles,he dressed as a woman and i was not atracted to this at all,I told him how i felt and yet he did it a few more times.we used to watch porn together but now he is going behind my back.he is always talking about having a threesom or four some with a shemale and a feminine gay guy,I dont know what to do.I just feel nothing buit bile right now,He also had previously had internete conversations with 4 different females over the corse of 2 years.I left him but always came back I feel this is cheating he had intimate conversations evedn got really close to one to the point he was going to leave to be with her.He used to be conservitive now hes on the balance of gothic says he dosent belive in GOD i am cristian.HELP

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010):

Those who are into shemale porn and think this is just some innocent fantacy, I wonder if you know the process of 'shemale making'.

Hormone treatments and surgeries start from an early age (about 11-13) and non-stop afterwards. A child at that age simply is unable to understand the consequence of what is to be done to him. It is also doubtful that those poor children would have chosen VOLUNTARILY to be made into a shemale and prostitution as his life career.

As a result of years of biological 'tweaking' against nature, shemales usually die young. Their existence and suffering are just for the filthy, twisted pleasure of some dirty-minded men, who are sponsoring the shemale prostititution industry every time they view shemale porn online - tell us it is not child abuse.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2010):

To answer guys who accuse women of being trivial over this and not willing to understand and tolerate:

You may view shemale porn as a turn-on and naturally cannot do anything about it, similarly your wife may find it a big turn-off and disgusting and nothing can change the way how she feel about it either.

After all, judging by the way you guys talk about it, you clearly realize that shemales are not 'normal'. If it is the husband who has such abnormal behaviour, what makes him think he has the right to expect his wife to 'understand' him and 'tolerate' him? Why can't he do the reverse and show some understanding for his wife first of all? Is this TRUE LOVE or PURE SELFISHNESS?

Also, even looking at porn carries the risk of actually acting out, not to mention checking shemales' contact details and chatting with them. If those guys (who accuse women of lack of understanding) are so into 'understanding', they certainly should have understood this big concern of their wives. Otherwise, it is simple IGNORANCE.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010):

Now if the facts were reversed and the female partner was the one who is visiting male porno sites and masturbating at the expense of a diminished sex and emotional life with her male partner, how do you think the male would react? In the vast majority, he would not be understanding at all. He'd be out the door in no time, and would not even opt for couples/marital counselling. Any research on relationship problems bears this out. In the significant majority, it is the male who leaves more readily than than the female if the female has any addictions or health problems, even in old age. It's the females that are more apt to stay and work things out or suffer in silence until their partner keels over. As my wise mother said, men die younger than women so women can have some peace and happiness before their demise.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010):

Well... By the way you women are over-reacting, can you really blame your guy for hidng such information? More than anything, you women just seem threatened by a festish that is very common place.

If he was gay would he go through all the trouble to be with YOU?

If something as trivial as viewing shemale porn has the potential to end your relationship, then no, it wasn't TRUE love.

If the girl I loved, loved viewing lesbian porn, or some other 'unorthodox' niche, I would want to understand what it is that turns her on - key word; UNDERSTAND! - not run a mile as soon as something out of the ordinary approaches.

By looking at the answers by women to this question alone, you can see a clear pattern of ignorance and a lack of will to want to understand, MAJOR TURN-OFFS.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010):

One thing to watch she males - its another to actually contact them and chat with them - jeez - my man contacts these people - what is he looking for?? If that is what he likes what the hell am I doing with him - if you contact them and talk to them you must want to be with them -- and if that is not a gay thing tell me what is -- aren't they men - don't they have penis's under those dresses -- and let me tell you he has contacted teh most unattractive she males out there - my choice now is do I stay with this freak or walk out with my head held high and let him alone with his freaky dirty phone calls with MEN with breasts!!! a dick is a dick - so why not go and get what you really want - cause I don't even want to sleep with this man anymore -- ew ew ew

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010):

Not getting why a straight man would e-mail and chat with a she male - its gross - and frankly disgusting to me - its not his problem its mine -- the problem is do I stay with him or leave - at this point the thought of sleeping with him grosses me out - I don't know where he has put his dick for gods sake!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010):

I'm a straight 'manly man' (Black guy), and yes, also interested in shemale porn. You have to understand one MAJOR thing; he is viewing SHEMALE porn NOT GAY porn. He was gay he would just straight up look at other men.

The allure of the shemale for me is that they are very feminine, sometimes unrealistically over-feminine, and are naturally geared towards anal sex. Before I accidently viewed tranny porn in my teens, I was usually searching for big butts, anal or milf galleries. My most viewed shemales are Brazilian with big butts.

I'm not going to say I'm proud of it, its still my dirty little secret, but I am fully aware of the fact that a lot of my straight friends here in the UK know what shemale porn is, and probably also masturbate to it.

I think some of you women are behaving irrationally. I think if you're married and he doesn't feel comfortable admitting some of his sexual desires to you STILL... That is the bigger problem. It means hes not fully comfortable with you, or he knows that you simply won't understand.

The thing is, there could be so many different scenerios of which an act could involve a shemale, he could like: simply viewing their big asses, watch shemales have sex with women, watch shemales have sex with men, watch men have sex with shemales... so many. I personally stop watching if the shemale starts fucking the man, or the shemale starts jacking off.

I think you just need to be a bit more understanding, and don't be so threatened. If you're sex life is under threat, why not treat him to something weird and different... satisfy his sexual needs - give him some anal etc, if he loves you he would do the same too. But theres no need to be shocked to the point of dismay - WELCOME TO THE WEIRD AND WACKY WORLD OF HUMAN SEXUALITY.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010):

I can understand watching she man porn -- but I caught mine emailing she males on line -- not only do I want to throw up but how can I be sure he hasn't already hooked up with them and now is bringing some diseas home to me -- It disgusts me, don't call yourself a man -- marry a she male if you prefer a woman with a dick -- and all of you out there that like to watch - I get it -- but would you actually email these she males with a possiblity of meeting them (why else would you email them?)....would like to see comments please -- watching and actually chatting are two different things -- both gross me out....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

First off i have to say 96-98% of these answers you people should be ashamed off your self. You talk like it is a diseases or he has cheated on her.

There is nothing wrong with his curiosity with t-girl porn as there are a lot worse things out there he could be watching or even doing.

If he is not cheating on you then does it really matter what he is masturbating over, as long as it is nothing illegal then i would not be stressing about it.

Im a healthy normal great looking 31 yr old guy i love t-girl porn as well as lesbian porn and guy on girl porn and i still love to pleasure my girlfriend as often as i can.

So bottom line find a way to approach him about his curiosity and try your best to not make him feel ashamed for it as that will not help matters.

if he is cheating then thats a whole new ballgame and you should not be with him!!!

but if he is just fantasizing about the idea of being with a t-girl then kink up you sex life and wear a strap-on while he bangs you from behind. life is too short to stress live it up.

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A female reader, CR987 United States +, writes (25 February 2010):

I have been married for 3 years to a very attractive professional man and like you, found out that my husband was interested in shemales. Firstly, let me say this. I am very open sexually but consistently spending too much time watching porn or eventually having encounters with shemales will damage your marriage.

If he has covered it with lie after lie, there is a lot of work ahead of you. Attraction to shemale porn leads to wanting to act out eventually, hence the desire and curiosity to go on to craigslist, which my husband frequented. He finally admitted to a few encounters and was so terribly ashamed. It started out innocently enough as a curiosity but eventually became a compulsion that led to encounters, particular during periods of stress. Addiction to porn and the desire to act out will have serious consequences on your marriage. Yes, like many of you, our sex life dwindled. I did not know why and now it all fits like a jigsaw. Lies become part of everyday life and it will take time to build the trust again. Please please get your husband to seek professional help. My husband did - for sex addiction - and has not acted out in over a year. It remains an ongoing struggle for him like with any other addiction and there needs to be a lot of understanding and communication between both parties. You will need couples counseling too to start mending your relationship. However he will first need to admit that he has a problem...My husband said he tried to stop many times but he would eventually cave in. Your husband will be unable stop on his own. He will need professional help and your support.

Don't stand by and do nothing, don't play the victim - your happiness and his are at stake here. Be strong. Face the problem together or get out of the relationship. If you need help, there are many support groups out there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

I hope to God you have left the emotionally stunted moron!!! The situation will only get worse. You will be left more and more isolated in your misery as he pays less and less attention to you both emotionally and intimately. Yet somehow he will tell you that it is your fault. Of couuse you could join him in his fetish. But that's rather pathetic compared to a normal heterosexual relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

I found the most logical explanation of transvestites entitled "The Transvestic Career Path" at http://www.tbucker.comTRANSVES.HTM This research paper claims that the transvestite "seems to have internalized part of a social relationship, and acts towards himself in a way that a normal person acts toward a socio-sexually significant other." I agree with this wholeheartedly. Hence, the real marital relationship not being number one for him and the consequent lack of intimacy as he is intimate with himself - he is both the husband and the wife. "in some cases a transvestite will get divorced from his real wife rather than give up his internal wife". I would add that transvestite men are emotionally stunted.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

Run don't walk away from this situration, I have been married to a transvestite since 1975. I did not discover his affliction until about 5 yesrs after marriage. He of course said this would not happen again but there were more incidents. Of course, the later incidents ended up happening after we had a daughter. Now I'm 60 and his libido has diminished. We are not sexually intimate at all due to his lack of libido although I have discovered that he visits internet sites. My belief is that TV men are incapable of having a healthy marital relationship. Through the years I have blamed myself for the lack of closeness in our marriage but really the TV interests take precedence over the marital relationship. He is happy with the way things are but I certainly am not. He thinks I have a problem with acceptance. Yes, I do have a problem with accepting that I'm not number one in his life. I and every woman deserves better. TVs should state their preferences before marriage and not deceit the women.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010):

I am a transgendered person and I feel that after reading a lot of this, I can see why your men are going behind your backs. You should never make him feel bad for what he likes or threatened by it either. The women that have commented about embracing it with their partner, those are the girls you need to take advice from. Its true, there are a lot of married guys who are into trans girls and I get my fair share of advances from them. However, if you're open and honest when you find these things on your computer and you don't make it an issue, it won't be such a hot button for him. If he's going to cheat on you anyway, then he's just an ass. For the most part though, guys just like the idea of a trans girl and don't really want to be with them. I don't want your husbands hitting on me any more than you do, so do yourself and the trans community a favor and get honest. There's nothing to freak out because one of the biggest things to point out is that it's still basically a female he is looking for, its a sexual practice you could easily fulfill with a toy. It doesn't make your man gay despite what some of the morons above say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010):

well people there are a number of issues I want to point out because it seems that you don't know it: first of all gay men and tgirls are not the same at all! and if a man is attracted to a shemale and female at the same time that makes him poly sexual not bisexual since bisexual means being attracted to both males and females while "obviously" a shemale is not a man!!! another thing not most of shemales like to be topped while in an intercourse which means hey like to be the penetrated passive partner and less number of them is versatile: like to top and bottom and the rarest of all are those who only top

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010):

I think it's sad that people can't accept things that aren't the norm. My husband likes TGirl porn and I enjoy it with him. At first he thought I was going to reject him, but when I told me, I realized we could have alot of fun with this. Yea, I'll give my husband anal with a strap-on, but you know what? It's fun switching the roles sometimes! Our sex life has never been better. Maybe you should open up to your man and let him know that you love and accept him, and he won't feel like he has to hide anything from you... THAT'S what ruins relationships, not TGirl porn.

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A male reader, Batistuta Turkey +, writes (22 January 2010):

I am 23 years old single guy. I didn't have so many girlfriends actually I had only one. I am a goodlooking guy- at least girls say so- but I was so shy. So I had my first sex when I was 14 and the second was 22 and both of them were with woman prostitutes. And my biggest secret in my life is shemale porn. I don't know why but I am keep watching it since I was 16-17. I don't know what to like about them, sometimes I can watch shemale porn for 2-3 hours and after this period I feel so bad and angry, I clearly feel regret for what I did. I think my addiction to shemale porn affects my relationship with girls not directly maybe but indirectly because I am sometimes surprised with my own behavior to the girls I could have had sex with but I didnt. I have seen some shemales on street and in some places, but in real life I am not that much into them. I just watch the porn. I thought, If I have a regular sex life with a girlfriend, I will get rid of this addict easier but the situation of ur husbands make me more pessimistic. Anyway, this is a real DANGEROUS addict, but I think I can find a way to give up and I hope everybody who wants to give up will get succeed.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009):

I wanted to reply to say that I'm a 20-something guy with a shemale porn issue also.

I started to view this material when I was around 11 or 12. I fell into this type of porn from the start rather than gradually escalating from "normal" porn because I HONESTLY thought all women had penises as a child; my brain never switched to on to ponder about how a baby could be made with two of them at the time...

Since I was that age, I've viewed this porn on and off and it's only since these last 2 or 3 years that I've really increased viewing of this material. Additionally, unlike some other posters, I have never once thought to myself about having intercourse with or even just dating one since my brain cannot process the picture of a true man being dominated in the bedroom. Thus I find myself straying far away from the shemale porn that includes men that are either giving or receiving stimulation.

I personally don't like this fetish I have but it's one that keeps coming back whether I want it to or not and I desire to stop before I do something I'd really resent.

Also, PLEASE do not encourage this behavior from your husband in any way. This shemale stuff can only get worse and if anybody believes such a dsyfunctional taste can be accepted, they've already lost themselves.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009):

I have to seem like a troll but I must add my perceptions as a sensitive man. I know that women aren't going to want to hear this and that bi sexual men or closet gay men won't feel comfortable either.

Sometimes in a heterosexual relationship men get hurt. Emotionally hurt, but this emotional hurt can have its roots in sexual insecurity.

A man can feel attracted to transgender people for a few reasons; firstly, its not being emotionally unfaithful because the perception (rightly or wrongly) is that the object of your affection understands sex in a different non committed way (as in it is a safe fantasy because you know you will never live it out and feel that if you do there will be no emotional attachment).

secondly, you can't fake an erection, many men feel frustrated because they know that the women they love isn't sexually pleased by them or knows that their faking it. In fact some men believe all women are faking it, or that they are sexually inadequate in some way.

Therefore the attraction is that;

a) you will be sexually desired by the object of your affection in a way that is manifest (erection).

When your husband/boyfriend touches you do you really get wet for them?

b) that if you are attracted to naturally born women, that they threaten your current happiness with emotional demands that will arise from engaging in a sexual relationship.

So, the truth is (I believe in 90% of cases) that a) your partner doesn't want to cheat on you, with a biological woman because of worries about emotional unfaithfulness (which he regards above sexual unfaithfulness, which he will not do even when unsatisfied).

b) the sexual fantasy allows them to think sexually about satisfying a partner in a way which will not be mysterious but will be manifest, in fact manly. The thought about satisfying a partner increasing your own libido creates a sexual pleasure loop.

The answer:

a) ignore it. If he's a good guy in every other way and doesn't seem to be changing then why confront the issues.

b) secondly, if he is less interested in sex with you then it is not because he is suddenly 'going gay' its because there is something else wrong (if you ended the relationship, you might be surprised to find out there is another women in his life, and this problem doesn't seem to be an issue around his sexuality). What is wrong is your sex life, you need to talk!

Most women should settle for option a, if your going down the option b route your already in a bit of trouble. Of course your partner could be bi-sexual (ie: can get aroused by both sexes) but you should not be arrogant enough to think that this means your relationship is doomed by his biology, on the contrary his commitment to you is as sincere as it would be to an emotional attachment of the same sex, for bisexuals emotional attachment is everything because sex is less.

So, almost like Pascals wager you should think in the following way;

either I am attached to an emotionally sensitive man who needs emotional reassurance about my sexual satisfaction with them or, I am in a relationship with a bi sexual man who is releasing this part of his nature in a way he thinks will be the least damaging or, I am in a relationship with a man who is focussed on sex with transgendered women.

Or finally, I hooked up with a Gay man who is in the closet even to themselves.

The choice is yours.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009):

Hello, I am having the same issues as all of you. my husband fo 20 years is watching shemales all the time. our self life has deminished. I've complained about it so much that he makes it a point to have sex with me at least weekly. but now I feel like hes doing it because he has to. seems there is no lust for me at all anymore. suspect its the porn, watching it too much. I am miserable. I want to confront him about watching the shemales but fear ruining our marriage. out side of the sex problems we are very happy. Love spending lots of time together. but his secret about watching shemales is killing me. it got worse last week. I saw him searching craigslist for no strings attached. what do I have on my hands? is he just trying to get laid out of boredom with me from being married for so long? this really hurts.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009):

Here is the deal. Gay guys do not watch tranny pon. They watch other guys.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009):

Well sweety im going to be honest. Ive had sex with transsexuals before and with woman before. to me transsexuals are woman just with an extra part. theres nothing gay about it unless you like to get it through your behind. ive met transsexual woman that have looked better then any girl ive been with. perfect breast real nice firm ass, gorgeous feminine face. this is a new gender and honestly it kind of attracts all men even those who you never thought it would. i prefer woman all the time. but in a serious need, the last option can lead to a tranny. now if your man likes men masculine men, or even gay boys then his gay. but if his attracted to shemales remember they look like females. theres even transgendered men now in days. i bet you, you probably meet a man thats exactly the way you like him and he has a pussy you might sleep with him also. youll get eaten out by him. its a new gender and honestly i might sound crazy but they are a little addictive. but i still prefer woman. i dont think his gay.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009):

I recently discovered my partner of 10 years is into transsexuals and prostitutes or escorts (the nice way of putting it)... In ten years he has not committed to me by of marriage and we do not live together... Our sex life has been non existent. So I decided to look at his emails I got hold of his password, and the feeling I had was that I knew I would find something.. anyway i noticed he has 3 email accounts linked under his hotmail address. To my horror i see these email from transsexual escorts, and emails that he had sent asking for "do you give massage with happy ending" there were several of these email another one that said " this is my first time, I'm new to this" ads that he has responded to on cracker which is the same as craiglist in australia. I did not find emails that actually said meet me at .....

I confronted him with this and his response was that it is harmless fun, just flirting...my response was it is harmless fun why am hurting. He promises me that nothing ever happened and he didn't see anything through.. my heart wants me to believe him but my head is telling me different. I went to doctor to have a full check of STD's for my own sanity. I asked him if he is into men, he denied it as you would... I don't know whether to believe him, we are in the process of building a house. He says he loves me and wants me. I don't know what to do.......

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009):

Why do we have to dilineate people as straight, gay, or bi? These are just words and stigmas tied to them which we came up with. My radical vegan mom ate a piece of turkey so is she a meat eater now? We act like screwing the same sex is some new sick phenomena that just started. Its been going on since the beginning of time lol. So guess there is always a new sharply drawn line for a man’s sexuality just because a man jacks off to a kinky porn site? Maybe your husbands are hiding all of their internet histories and fetishes because they know you will have a nervous breakdown at the very idea of them wanting to do something different. If you were more open about your sex lives you probably wouldn’t have this problem. We are in the 21st century. Explore your sexuality. Maybe you haven’t taken a look but shemales are often soooooooo beautiful that they can not be avoided. Most men start to see shemale porn on accident, while surfing the for genetic girl porn. Tranny porn images can sometimes be mixed in. Eventually they will see them that are so gorgeous that they can not be avoided. They may see a brazillian or European tranny and are in disbelief that it is a actually tranny. Your desires tell you to look at it and jack off to it, and your mind tells you don’t do it faggot lol. Eventually you may jack off to a tranny screwing a girl telling yourself that you are just interested in seeing the girl have sex with the tranny. As you see more and more tranny porn you see how stunning they can be and you just become a fan. Call it what you want we are sexual beings.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009):

I dont think its to unnormal people are always intrested in things they shouldnt by nature. I love shemale porn but am not gay at all. the farthest i would consider going would be a women with a strapon tho but i dont consider this gay. Anal stimulation is a popular sexual fanatacy for men but you have to find one willing to admit it.

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A female reader, samehere2009 United States +, writes (1 November 2009):

What pisses me off about my husband is the secrecy about it. If you want to sleep with shemales & gays, so be it, but give me the option to put your ass out beforehand that way you can screw around on craigslist when you're by yourself and not be puttin me at risk or let me figure out a way for all of us to have fun. No I dont have a problem with gays or shemales. I have a problem with liars, especially married liars. It's okay to watch the movies and fantasize, weve done that, but anything you are doing behind your partners back is nothing but wrong...

On another note, I can see how a man would be attracted to a shemale. Some of them are Georgeous & you just wouldnt know they are girls with penises until the pants come down...

Along with shemales, my husband wants to pound the gay dude's ass which makes me believe he is bi, but he could of just said that and we could work things out in a safe manner.. Ive been to the strip clubs with him and rubbed asses along with him. I dont understand why he couldnt be truthful about this.. He has been meeting people at truck stops, book stores, & adult theaters and if he is like he was when we first met,sometimes he couldnt wait to get in the house if you know what I mean..the driveway..No protection at all.

Just be truthful and upfront. Hell your wife may be bored with you and want to have fun too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009):

hi i think it could be just a phase.

i think all it will take is for him to try it out.

coz well the new an untried always appeals to me more than the boring stuff mayb its me who is into this type of kinky stuff or mayb i just like to try something new.

my only sugestion is either let him try it out or try an make it work for you aka keep things fresh dnt know how tho that is up to u

i only say good luk an hope it works out plus no dout this is proberly to l8 ow well

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A male reader, mario4hustle United States +, writes (24 September 2009):

sorry boo, at some point he will bore with watching porn an will want the real thing. my advice is for you to talk it over with him an make sure he uses protection. have a safe life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

I am a man's man and I love watching shemale porn.

I have actually gone one step further and have paid shemale escorts, have been active (fucked them) and been passive (been fucked by them).

It is adorable!

It all stems from the love for anal.

I am not gay, though I have also had sex with men.

I am bisexual in the true sense of the word.

I suspect he also is bisexual and loves the feeling of fucking a shemale, so he gets the best of both worlds.

One step further would be a bi couple.

It does not mean he does not love you or is not interested in you.

It is a sexual thing and that is all.

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A male reader, seaturtle United States +, writes (15 August 2009):

That could be true. Butit doesn't have to be. I'm not involved w anybody right now. Sometimes I look at some of thecrazy CL ads but i never answer them. Why not? It wouldn't be cheating, i don't have anyone to cheat on. Theyre just too crazy. I just do it for fun and to stimulat my imagination when i'm in a certain mood. so ya never know.

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A male reader, Max Mouse United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2009):

Uhhh hate to you tell this but if he on's craiglist looking for anything that involves girls,guys,shemales.... he's cheating on you.. you should leave him..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009):

My boyfriend and I are both in our 20's. He is in his early and I am in my late. So the things that he wanted to try sexual really never surprised me. I have my own kinky things that I would never share with the rest of the world but I'd never let them eat away at me. I am who I am, and I'm with who I'm with. He however is very closed off to almost everything, good or bad he has a hard time saying how he feels and what he wants. He is Very Very sneeky.

It all started when he lightly brought up the subject about shemales. I accepted it as a kinky thought and said how I understood how it is said to be the best of both worlds, because I do believe that it is. Well a few weeks later I got lucky enough to have found some rather interesting pictures of him that it just so happens I enjoy viewing myself. At first, I thought he was playing a very funny joke on me but then he freaked!

He thought we would be over. I tried my best to comfort him to let him know that I accepted him and loved him and that the pictures turned me on. I asked him why he held these feelings in for so long when he KNEW I was OPEN to different ideas as far as sex goes. He stated that he's had these feelings since he was younger and he didn't want to ruin the worlds view of him and hasn't felt he could trust anyone with his secret. Which prior to this conversation we were fighting all the time, and sex was never in the picture.

Moving on, the sex was good for the first few days but now it seems that every corner I turn with him there's something else. He now has more shemale "friends" and still plays that "Mans Man" part and it pisses me off. He has begun to "cover the bad with doing something nice" trick and I'm older and see clearly through it.

I love him, and I love the fact that I can TOTALLY enjoy him in the bedroom now, but I still feel like he hides a whole lot of stuff back from me. So what does it sound like I should do? Like I said I am older but I have already invested emotions into this confussed manboy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009):

My boyfriend was on a matchmaking site, i broke into it and to my horror saw his profile, i went through hell for 2 years trying to think of why he takes such an interest in this, i wonder all the time if he is just using me for an everyday picture perfect life but in reality he may be gay. his profile said he was bi-curious, well to me by curiosity is closer to being gay.

I love the guy and have stayed with him but he deletes parts of our internet history and makes me feel like he's up to his old tricks to try and pick up, he denied any such profile and it weas gone the day after confronting him about it.

He has lost interest in intimacy, i have to initiate sex if i want it. It worries me that im living everyday in the hope that he is a perfectly normal guy but in reality he has no respect for me and our relationship to even think about she-males

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009):

It's normal to be turned on by that stuff, but looking at craigslist is a deal breaker. Dump him and find another man.

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A male reader, bitotry United States +, writes (11 June 2009):

My wife and I got married 8 years ago. On occasion, since early on in our marriage, we would watch Cinemax's late at night movies which are basically soft porn. Usually they involve straight sex and lesbian sex. My wife and I would both get turned on and have great sex.

Somehow, about 3 years later we would talk a little more about what turned us on in bed. I mentioned to my wife that I was turned on by the idea of a threesome with two girls, she told me that sometimes she fantasized about other men.

We would talk along these lines on occasion and would always get very turned on. Then one night, out of the blue, my wife informed me that she often fantasized about other women performing cunnilingus on her and had been since we had started watching Cinemax mild porn and seeing girl on girl sex. This turned me on like nothing had ever done before and the ideas running through my brain were of course endless. The sex that night was amazing!! We started discussing different positions we would have with another woman, etc.

Finally, about 3 months later, I worked up the courage to tell my wife that I fantasized about being with other men and had done so for many years - but never did anything. She took it completely in her stride and was visibly turned on. I told her all the things I would like to do with another man and again, the sex was explosive. Ever since then, we have the most incredible sex talking about our fantasies - straight sex, gay sex, lesbian sex, bisexual sex, we enjoy talking about it all. Someday we may actually take things to a physical level. But it doesn't matter. Just telling each other drives us both crazy and our sex just seems to get better each time. I have told her that she can cheat on me with either sex and she is slowly warming up to the idea of me having sex with another woman. For a long time now she has not had a problem with the idea of a female masseuse giving me a "happy ending" (by hand only) and recently has told me that she has no problem with a male masseuse giving me a happy ending by hand or mouth and I am allowed to return the favor.

For me, I am more attracted to penises than I am men. So a transsexual is a huge turn-on. Never in a million years would I consider myself gay or my wife lesbian, although she doesn't look at other men, only other women and if she does decide to cheat on me she wants it to be with a woman. On saying that, as stated earlier, our sex life is fantastic and she does fantasize about men. We are both definitely bicurious at this juncture. My wife is not attracted to TSs but is totally down with me being attracted to them.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that admitting your sexual preferences to your partner is the hardest step and ultimately the best step to take in your relationship. Start out slow and watch porn together, or watch it by yourself first. When masturbating, think about other women and see how you like it. And for the love of Pete, if you don't masturbate, then you need to start. Talk about sex with your man and tell him what turns you on when it comes to the opposite sex, expand on it, if he likes girl on girl porn you can tell him it looks hot and get his reaction. Get some guy on guy stuff see if you like it - tell him if it does, get his reaction. Imagine him with a guy, tell him if it turns you on. But be honest and take it step by step, build to a point where you are both comfortable discussing each other's sexuality.

That's all the advise I can give. Hopefully my advice can give some insight into what to do. My wife and I are normal people who open up in the bedroom and have a really great time. Enjoy yourself with sex - hold nothing back, you will be glad you did.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009):

I am single guy I love shemales and females . I Like to be with a man giving me. And If I find a femenized man very charming I will give to him . I really do not know what I am sexually since I like everything depending in the other person it all about attration. Your husband needs to be becareful about this. If he loves his family he better give up all this behaviors. That is why I wont get married. Because a family needs respect. I seen a lot of married guy with transexuals I go to a transexual bar to get a ladyboy and I see these guys married guys, rch guys, black guys ,latinos ,white guys . You cannot imagine . I never know who is who .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009):

My fiance and I have been together for quite some time. I am currently pregnant with his first child. I recently found out that he likes to watch shemale porn and I have also found emails of him writing to shemale's on craiglist asking them if they come? what they like? etc...I confronted him once and he stated that it was only his curiosity but that he would never do it. I recently found shemale porn in his laptop again and I am concern. He is such a man's man... He is all about loving the ladies but somehow, I have this gut feeling that something is not right. I mean, is he curious? or does he want to try it...I am afraid to walk down the isle with someone who is going to turn around and tell me in a few years...that he rather go the other way. Not that there is anything wrong with it...but I love him and I don't think I could handle another heartbreak... I am confused...what should I do?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

He is bi.

Sounds like he wants to meet with a shemale.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009):

I think you have to look for a pattern in his behavior. My ex cheated on me a couple times with other women. I blamed alcohol and myself. I had no problem with other men when we were apart so it was hard for me to understand. I forgave him thinking we are human, we make mistakes - "I am not perfect, neither is he". Now, the bomb dropped again! He anounced his newest affair. One that I suspected but he called me paranoid...it is with a transgender...A woman with male parts....I am not judging this person other then how can one do this to another person??? Have an affair with another woman's hubby? I can't do it! I could not believe it! In this situation, my ex I don't think loved himself and tired to find others to love him. He does what he wants and then asks for forgiveness after. He finally admitted that if "sex with a woman with a penis is bisexual, than I am bisexual.." I don't care if he had sex with a tree! He lied and lied to my face. No more...No trust. I think that the signs have been there that is is not happy in his own skin and perhaps is gay and this is a slower way to come out. I have no clue!!! I don't think he knows what makes him happy. YES - IT IS HELL TO GO THRU!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009):

Hi, my heart goes out to you. My husband is a sexy talk muscular black male. A manly man that is wonderfully sensitive and caring but not in a feminine way, more so in a comforting loving way. He is a great provider, communicator and fabulous lover. He loves romantic sensual sex. He loves to please, and doesn't care about being pleased that way in return. So, I am sad to say, I am facing the same reality. Before we were married (17 years ago) my husband had shared stories of his past curiosities with me. He said he had been curious in the 90's and decided to try sex with a shemale. He claimed he was grossed out by the penis and left. He assured me it only happened once and that there wasn't ANY penetration. Years later, I found out it was a lie. He had been keeping in contact with his cousin Jessica, whom he was very close to and they spoke frequently. I found out that Jessica is a she-male relationship he had had previously. No way of knowing the real truth because there has been so many lies. His laptop is riddled with shemale porn and shemale escort services in our zipcode. I am sick and ashamed. I have no one to talk to and no one to confide in. I'm hurt and scared. Who knows what disease he brought home? Our family doctor is our neighbor; I have to go to a clinic tomorrow to get tested anonymously. This is such a heavy burden. We have a 16 year old son and my husband wanted a large family and I was content with one. To make him happy we tried for years to have another child unsuccessfully so we have gone in debt paying a fertility doctor over 50,000 for fertility drugs and I recently gave birth to a baby girl in Jan of 09. I am so overwhelmed. I don't wish this on anyone. I hope that you have the courage to confront him before your husband's sick fetish and desire potentially puts you and your family at risk.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009):

hi there.. i came across this msg of yours and i will like to tell u what i i think about it. maybe my advice will help.. cuz i feel u were kind of discribing myself when u were talking about your husband. me too i watch shemale porn and im not sure how many man do.. i mean how many mans man do cuz me like ur husband im really not gay and no one could ever think that im gay. i look like a guy and i have always like girls. but im not sure how and when i started looking at shemale porn and found it very exating i also started having more anal sex with my wife and also like dogy style mostly and i most confese some times i wasnt in the mood for sex because it seems to normal and maybe thats way we try having sex doggy style so we can imagine we are having sex with a shemale.. in my case i did try and im sure that if ur husband havent try he is looking for it, just to know what is like. but maybe like me onece he does it, he will realise that it is not as exated and that the penes is actually not something he likes. like me i though i wasnt gonna have a problem with it. but when i was having sex with this shemale i realise i was only interested in wantching is not the same to acctually experiace it.. it took me more than onece to trully accept that i didnt like sex with shemales. but now i know that it is a fetish only and i love my wife. sex is getting better againe with her i just needed to try that i guess. maybe it will pas onece he has done it with a shemale im not sure how open are u to forgive that but if u see after he did it sex get better between you too chances are he didnt like shemale sex too much.. keep monitoring the porn he watches he u see he watchs one girls site from time to time maybe he coming back to the right path.. good look to you my friend.

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A male reader, previasc96 United States +, writes (26 April 2009):

He probably got into shemales though porn first. Too much porn turns a man into a sexual freak! You don't have to be gay to like shemales. He is just obssessed with anal. I shemale is like a hot woman who has no choice but to take it in the ass! And since shemales can love getting it up the butt, that make the man giving it to em think: "hummm... i wonder how that she-cock would feel in MY ass?" a man who would pleasure a shemales ass will eventually end up pleasuring her cock too... weather he's stroking her cock as he humps her ass or he goes down on her. Shemale porn is very addictive! You should be worried!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009):

I consider myself straight but paid for Raquel Reyes in Charlotte NC and Myrtle Beach "She"'s foxy but only gives head. I'd like to shave down and put on makeup and bottom for a few nights. only safe of course.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

its fine its just kinky hes not gay just let him explore his sexuality and if your willing the safest bet would be to bring a like more kink in the bedroom go find a willing young shemale to a threesome.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

I just find out my boyfriend likes shemale and I'm kinda worried because he doesn't have a strong sex appetite. I think the worst of it it's the fact that once I looked at his web history it looks like he has been having sex with me on the same days he actually watched that shitty kind of porn so I'm really pissed off, confused and for the moment I've lost all sexual desire for him...sadly.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009):

I am a husband that does the same thing. i like shemale porn because it is new and exciting. i am defiantly not gay. i am in no way attracted to men. i would also not cheat on my wife. i do however day dream of a 3some with my wife and a sexy transsexual. i would love it if i came home to find her having a drink with a new friend and we all got busy together.

I don't intend on ever leaving her but lets face it. the same old sex gets boring.

my advise, get in a freaky frame of mind and talk dirty to him. tell him (while you are having sex)you would like to watch a shemale fuck him while he eats your pussy or you want to help him suck her cock.

Sorry to be so blunt but that's my perspective.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009):

The attraction of men to shemales comes from being exposed to hardcore pornography in general.Viewing hardcore pornography regularly conditions the mind into getting sexual stimulation from seeing penis -vagina penetration as well as penis- mouth penetration.

Soon the person starts to slowly develop a type of attraction to the erect penis because it's always part of the visual in the hardcore movie.

Needless to say this sets up the situation for men to become later attracted to shemales through shemale porn.The feminine body of the shemale then attracts the man and this sets him up to be more attracted to the penis.

Sadly at this point, he is already slowly warming up to homosexuality. Soon he will be mostly aroused by shemale porn and not straight porn and will be even seeking shemales with bigger penises.This can lead to wanting to have sex with shemales and can lead to straight up homosexual activity with gay or bisexual men.

Hardcore pornography is dangerous as repetitive viewing of it conditions the mind.

Shemales are not created by the porno industry. There have always been men who feel they were born in the wrong body and thus seek to change their bodies.In Asia (Thailand)shemales are accepted as a third sex and plastic surgeons there have the most experience and skill at transforming them into being very feminine. The porn industry merely exploited the shemale scene and developed a very lucrative niche market online.

Bottom line, you need to be alarmed by this behaviour. its not healthy at all and is very addictive.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009):

hi

i am a straight man who has the same fetish i cant describe why i like transexuals but they have to be feminine.He likes anal sex but is probably not gay

try to play a more domanant role and try a strapon

hope this helps

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A male reader, seaturtle United States +, writes (24 March 2009):

Again, this is a very prevelant phenomenon. Most people have some kind of kink. Some people have a lot of different ones. As far as this kink goes, a number of us have already speculated on why this is a turn on for many otherwise 'straight' guys. Now, when two people are in a relationship, sooner or later they will fantasize about different people or diferent situations -whether they admit it to one another or not.I think this is OK. It can even be a lot of fun if both people are into acting out some knid od sexual psycho-drama.

here is what's not fun and not cool at all - when one goes behind the other's back and gets involved with another person. Cheating is cheating. And that sucks. And that is what you have to find out. But if it's just fantasy, even if it seems really weird I don't think it's something to freak out about. Whatever the kink, it doesn't necessarily lead to cheating. Sometimes what is exciting on a fantasy level is very differnt and not a turn on at all on a physical level. Hope this mkes sense. It's not so much the type of fantasy. It's what it leads or doesn't lead to. Each case is different and I truly wish these ladies all the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009):

Wow.. Today is that horror day for me .... I am 28 in NYC married and think My very Italian manly man husband is into Shemales as well ... I have no advise just your not alone and goodluck ... youare more than welcome to email me.. It seems as i go deeper into this crazy world i use my email .. what a scary place again sorry if ou are feeling like I am.. Just DEVASTATED.....

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A male reader, seaturtle United States +, writes (15 March 2009):

Suzysue - I've been a little light-hearted about this issue in my last couple of posts. That's why I feel some responsibility to respond to you in a serious way.

Istill believe that with this or any other kink or fetish some people can - and only want to - keep it on a fantsy level for some extra spice sometimes. This is a whole other thing . Whether it's another woman, a tg, whatever, going outside the marriage is going outside thew marriage. You're not crazy. Your guy has acted very badly and he sounds like a loser to boot. I say leave him. I really feel badly for you. See? Many knky people can also be resposible, feeling adults too.

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A female reader, suzysue United States +, writes (14 March 2009):

I've been married 4 years & have been dealing with this problem for almost that long. My husband emails She-Males back & fourth, actual conversations. One email I seen he sent out his cell phone number. I can't believe he does not confer with this people. I have left him numerous times to only have him ask me back and swear it won't happen again, and it always does. The computer broke, he begged me to fix it & swore he wouldn't look at she-male sights again. And like a fool it just slapped me back in my face. His relationship with the computer, she-males & whatever else have you, has been literally destroying me. Our sex life is down to nothing, he's unemployed a lot of the time. While I'm at work making money for us to survive & he's "playing games" and going outside of our marriage for whatever needs he find in this. They must be masturbating while sending pictures of themselves. Sexy pictures of him from our Honeymoon. It is unfair to me & another women going through this. You are being cheated out of a major part of your marriage and intimacy with your partner. He is lying to you and you cannot have a working marriage built on lies & deceit. It is a very embracing situation. He joins this web-site & adds his profile, I believe he conacts these people, even ones on Craigslist. In an emailhe even made plans to met one. He swears he didn’t and I somehow believe it hasn’t but I know he does talk with them and it can only be a matter of time for the next step. He says he loves me and want a life together but this life he is offering me is tearing me apart because he is offering a private part of himself to someone else and not me. I feel neglected, undesirable and I’m turning into a hag from crying all the time. I literal shake when I see these things so now my doctor prescribes anti anxiety meds for me. But I no matter how many pills I take this won’t stop. We’ve been through break-up, therapy. I’ve been hit by him several times while confronting him about these she-male. Sometime he denies it & says I make this thing up because I’m looking for a reason to leave. I’m usually looking for a reason to stay. Believe me at one point I thought I just might be crazy. But that’s what men do when they know they did something wrong. They turn the table around. This whole situation had almost put me in a nut house. He knows how I feel about this and continues with no regard for my feeling or our marriage. He put me in a spot where I have no chose but to leave him. I can’t go on like this anymore. I can’t sleep, no appetite, I ’m a fucking wreck and having a very difficult time just functioning. It’s killing me to stay and it’s killing me to go. But that old saying keeps going around in my head “To Thine Ownself Be True”

Good-luck to all

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A male reader, seaturtle United States +, writes (12 March 2009):

hey guys! I just did an experiment. I googled "my-husband likes-trannies" I coulda tried so many different combinations of different words with the same idea, but I started with those. Well i got flooded with 11 pages of results just for starters! I didn't look to see how many more there would be, and I only looked into some sites on page1. But I think this shows one thing. We may like it or not, we may explain it differently. But it really looks like this phenomenon is very widespread!

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A male reader, seaturtle United States +, writes (4 March 2009):

That's cool! Do you know if these highly desireable guys knew from the start that your friend was a tv and not a gg? Were they otherwise 'straight'? Did they like both tv's and gg's? or did they prefer tv's? I think it's all good - just curious.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009):

Obviously that's why they are trannies, because they are in the middle and phychologically female. A man is more than just a penis, or at least I would hope so.

I know a tranny, and she looks better than most genetic girls. Not only that, she gets hit on by men all the time. Men a lot of women can only dream of. I say this people deserve very good things, because they suffer a lot in this cruel and hypocritical world.

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A male reader, altocalcophilia United States +, writes (21 February 2009):

Hi. I'm straight guy and would like to try to answer your question. I have some personal experience because I had a problem with fetishism and masturbation in the past, so I think I can relate a little to the matter.

There are several possibilities here the way that I see it.

There is of course the possibility that your husband could be bisexual or at least remotely homosexual in fantasy and/or behavior, for whatever reason. Perhaps he only likes to fantasize to it or perhaps he would act it out. In either case, he could be least partially homosexual, though this does not necessarily mean that he doesn't like you.

I know from my own personal experience that I am a little OCD and am a fetishist. This has resulted in one some people would consider to be bizarre or at least in some ways intense fascinations with female domination and high heels (I don't like to wear them but I like to watch women in certain types of them, even in candid situations.) Now, a potential girlfriend or wife might think that I am perverted for this; I would hope not but I notice that women's comments on this board are less sympathetic than men's..... that's because women don't understand the common male problem of fetishism.....yes, the other possibility is that your husband may be a fetishist.

Shemales are a type of porn industry propaganda to make money. I wouldnt even know what a shemlae is if it weren't for the Internet. She males are sort of built up by themselves and by the porn industry to be prostitutes and pornographers (sex objects) from what I gather (and I don't want to be offensive to anyone here.) The porn industry and shemales themselves develop it in order to try to capitalize upon fetishism and pornography. It's kind of like media or sex industry hype I think. Shemales might exhibit very hyper-feminine qualities which subconsciously remind a man of a woman because that's what they try to do through implants and hormones. So you might want to know what is it about shemales that your husband likes and would he act it out, is he just fantasizing, or is he only just looking. If he likes a penis, than he has to be considered somehat homosexual. Otherwise, he may have been taken in by porn industry propaganda; on a personal note....I believe this happened to my brother-in-law. He's a straight guy but according to a conversation I heard between my sister and my mother he may have gotte sucked into shemale porn. I agree with the people who say it's like drugs. He probably started out in regular porn (hot blondes and stuff) then moved on to things like lesbian porn. Eventually, he must have come across shemale porn; maybe he's addicted I'm not sure. He might be jsut a little bit homosexual but perhaps he wouldn't act it out. Or maybe he was just looking?? I don't think she really confronted him on this.

Though I enjoy certain froms of light fetishism myself. I have not fallen into the trap of shemale porn myself, because I am antisocial and straight and don't really like all that nudity and hardcore stuff, whci appears to be the domain of shemales. If you get into the hardcore porn stuff, you might run into this stuff. In my case, I watch only videos, mostly on youtube, which sort of hint at sex (at least in my own mind) but don't actually hAVE IT actING it out. I think I saw some shemales on mtv tv shows somewhere but they exhibited manly voices and characteristics (like Rupaul) and it's kind of hard to understand how a straight guy could like that. Certainly, he could at leaast know whether the person is really a man or a woman, because it's not that hard.

In the end, I can't say forsure how common this fetish is. But with the prevalance of the Internet; it cold be 1-5% of guys. They might even consider themselves straight; though in my opinion they should not be considered 100% straight, if they like it or are addicted to it. They may have been subconsciosly fooled by the hyperfeminine qualties that a few shemales try to exhibit, but they should try not to act it out.

Masturbation addiction can lead to internet addiction and then porn addiction. You miight try to wean him off the Internet for a while. (Thats what my family did about 10 years ago when they found out about my problem with high heels)That could result in the cure (though it didnt for me I'm back on the net for good)

Hope this helps. Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009):

He doesn't have to be gay at all. I watch shemale porn too and am not the least bit attracted to men. I'd love to have a hot 3some with my wife and a hot shemale.

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A male reader, blklove United States +, writes (5 January 2009):

Hell no he is not gay and I do not care what anyone says! I will tell you why. I am a very straight man. I get disgusted when I see two men kissing or holding hands. (sorry to all gay men I have nothing against you just not for me)

However I have started viewing tranny porn, but not any tranny porn. Let me explain.

I have gay friends and I watched a special on playboy they had on sexcetera. On this special they talked to Buck who is a woman tranny who lives as a man. He has taken hormones to deepen the voice and has had surgery on his chest to look like a man. Also the hormones helped grow hair so now he or she however you look at it has chest hair. Also sporting a shaved head. When you take a look you would think you are looking at a man as he or she looks like a biker dude. However he still has a vagina. He has billed himself as the man with a pussy and is not going to change it.

On this special they were talking about him making a video with tranny's they started talking to these two GORGEOUS women. Any man would die to be with and I was like DAMN and I go hard. Then all of a sudden they dropped their pants and had dicks!

I tell you that story to only say this. As straight as I am I view this stuff, but only if it is a tranny doing a female. In this special both tranny's who are into porn, admitted that their biggest audience is straight men. That a gay man does not want to be with them because they look too much like a woman. Also Buck says that a large part of his audience is also straight men.

I do not look at it because they have dicks. As a matter of fact I do not look at that part. But they are doing women. To me it is no different than watching two women go at it with a strap on. I started watching tranny with women because at least they knew how to screw the girl!

People need to get over themselves, because even in straight porn you see a whole ton of dick, and if you are masturbating on a scene where there is a man and a woman, you are turned on by the woman and turned on by the woman having sex. Well she is having sex with a man who has a dick.

So is every man in porn gay too? Because there are double penetration videos where there is a man in each hole, and in some cases the men bump balls and everything else.

So before someone comes and say admit it dude you are gay, let me say this.

I go out of my way to get porn with women only. If I get a porno with men in it I am looking for the women only scene or the women solo. If you saw my porn collection you would see this.

If I were gay then I would be turned on by Tranny with men. I am not. But with a woman it looks like it is two women and it is still straight sex as the tranny is a man.

Now if he is into getting off on the tranny with another man or watching the tranny play with his dick, then you may have an issue.

However like I said before, gay men do not want a tranny because they resemble women. They want a man who looks and smells and breaths like a man. I also have not now nor will I ever desire to sleep with a man or a tranny. I would flip out if I were with someone and she got naked and had a dick. I would run.

However if it is a tranny doing a female it is still very straight and you should have nothing to worry about.

Someone else touched on this earlier, but if he watches a lot of porn he could be getting bored with what he has. Since this is something new and is directed towards straight men, this could be the new venture. like everything else he will tire of it and move on to something else.

So that is what I think and it is coming from a straight man who is comfortable with his sexuality. I am happily married and my wife checks this stuff out with me and we say no this is not good or agree to it. She looks at tranny with women only the same as I do. But we both agree, if it is a tranny with a man and you like that and get off on it, it is two men and you may need to think about if you are gay or bi.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009):

i'm not sure. i am a male and i like shemale porn. i am attracted to their female features and i am really intrigued by them. they can be painfully beatiful, and if you look at some photos of them you'll quickly see that they give genetic girls a run for their money. most men who like shemales are only attracted to shemales who are very attractive and are "passable". which means they look like a woman. shemales are perfectionists about their looks and can have outstanding legs and bodies. they have thousands of dollars in plastic surgery and take hormones to make them "womanly". a lot of the most beautiful ones are from brazil and south america, where many agree some of the most beautiful people in the world come from. i think a lot of the men attracted to shemales are not attracted to males but their female features, they also have developed a fetish. i have never been attracted to or aroused by a regular male in any way. we are often quick to try to fit people into divisions in society (homosexual, bisexual, lesbian)for peoples' behavior... but i don't think it is fair. people should allowed to have a brief fetish, to be on the fence, and to experiment without being categorized into a group with strict boundaries. i agree, seeing shemale on a spouse's internet history could be shocking if you weren't ready. but perhaps you should consider that it was was simply chance. like many males, he came across a photo of one on a genetic girl porn site, and said, "wtf!!! is that a tranny?!!!! she's gorgeous". he probably felt a little guilty for being turned on, maybe he masturbated, and then he probably started looking at photos of them more and more. unless you think its causing problems with your sex life, i wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't, recommend scaring him about it. it would probably scare the shit out of him.

coming from someone who used to feel very strange about looking at shemale porn

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008):

how can you monitor on a laptop? how can you handle your man liking a shemale?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008):

I think everyone is a bit BI, we are all human and act one way only like a machine. it actually very heathly.

I have Gay boy freinds and they of course dont get turn on by trannies or butch women, they are men who like real men. Over time men have been become more comfortable with their sexual life and been more acceptant. I will say that trannies or shemales only cater to 100% str8 men only of course it all on the DL and not dicussed among their buddies. Reason being is that many Trannies are more sexier than genetic girls! By the way am a BI female

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008):

If you dress a pig in a dress, its still a pig, no matter what its just hiding the fact that you're homosexual

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008):

I'm a man and i think it is alright to look at other men my wife looks at other females online so i don't see what the big hype is all about

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A male reader, jonjon68 United States +, writes (5 December 2008):

actually you may be wrong about your (Gay/Bisexual) diagnosis of your husbands. actually they may just have a masturbation addiction. (it is not a fake addiction). do some research on it. when men masturbate a lot they need more and more graphic to get them off. it is a well known fact. beautiful buxom blondes going down on guys just don't do it anymore. the internet has become very conducive to to pornography and masturbation because they have access to a large amount of porn very easily. they will start to masturbate to what may seem very strange material. they will move to amateur porn, overweight women, old women, gangbangs, interracial porns, and yes even shemales to get them off. it is VERY addictive, and they may need help. some famous people have known masturbation addictions. David Duchovney recently admitted to having a masturbation addiction and seeked help from his wife Tea Leoni. There was even an episode of South Park with Stan's father with an internet masturbation addiction masturbating to very strange content (including shemale porn).

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A male reader, previasc96 United States +, writes (30 November 2008):

You need to confront your husband. Addiction to porn is one thing... but addiction to tranny porn... is a friggin desaster! I have been trying for years to get off tranny porn! It's even worse when you actually live out your fantacies and sleep with a shemale! Don't let him get to that point! This issue will screw up his mind in a big way. he needs to stop now! Shemales are like demons from the pit of hell that lure men with their female looks. Next thing ya know, i man who considers himself "straight" is sucking she-cock and taking it up the ass( and loving every minute of it)!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008):

It sounds like your husband is a closeted bisexual. I'm a straight guy myself & I can tell you that I have never fantasized about anyone with a penis. That is not a normal fantasy for a straight guy.

It doesn't seem like he is actually gay, since it sounds like you've had a healthy sex life with him for years. However, he is probably bisexual. He probably suppressed any homosexual feelings he had when he married you, but after years of repression they are starting to emerge again. He is probably attracted to she-males instead of men, because, as you said, its less of a jump from women.

It sounds like you should have a talk with him immediately. This issue is obviously making both you & him unhappy, so you should deal with it ASAP.

At the same time, you should understand that he's attracted to she-males because of his sexual orientation, not because he doesn't find you attractive. This is not a negative reflection on you. My ex-girlfriend dated a woman after she dated me, and I've come to understand that its simply who she is, versus a negative reaction to me.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you!

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A male reader, seaturtle United States +, writes (19 November 2008):

Glad the discussion is continuing. it shows interesting similarities and diferences with different people's expreiences with this issue. my genuine sympathies are with francoi.

I think someone else had mentioned that there is a progression with porn - ever stronger, ever kinkier to produce kicks. Kinda like drugs i guess. I guess i'm lucky in that I have a number of different kinks besides this one, and i go in cycles. For me it's kinda like getting into different kinds of music or food. But for me it never makes me lose my love for my basic favorite music or food. Even usually in my fantasies, and so far always in reality, I want to end up with and (dare i say) in a woman. To stay with the food idea, I'm thinking of a barbeque. The delicious food is like a woman. I'm like the charcol brickets. Sometimes I need some extra lighter fluid to start me off. That's where the knky stuff comes in. But for me, starter fluid is just that - well, starter fluid, usually.

francoi - don't lose heart. maybe after a while you'll grow tired of the shemale porn and also come around in a cycle. You're still young. meanwhile i'm wondering if you've discussed this with your gf. Hopefully she's pretty open-minded and maybe you could get into some role play whch may rekindle your sexual feelings for her. Good luck to you and to everyone!

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A male reader, Francoi Canada +, writes (18 November 2008):

Im a 22 years old male from Canada.And Im french so you may excuse my English.

I "consider" myself a "straight" guy.I had a girlfriend who i realy loved so much and cared about and still do.Two years ago, i got addicted to shemale porn.And i gotta tell you it's the worst thing ever happened to me.I only wish if i had never found that porn.. ever.It turned my stable life upside down.Now i get turned on only by shemales.And lately by ....males.Well, not all males just the very feminin and super hot ones.

Sex for men is all about fantasy and imagination.Wherever we find the banned..... red place, we go there.I still love my girlfriend But i don't get tunred on by her anymore.Our relation ship is in trouble.And it's my fault.

It's not only your husband problem,All my friends "over 10" who consider themselves "straight" watch shemale porn as well.

I don't know what to tell you but.Beleive me if a man marries a woman then he definitely loves her.don't break up with him.Try to get him away of porn.Make him relax in bed and tell him that women love and appreciate sex as well.Convince him that.Make him understand that you can provide pleasure for him.

And try to ban porn from your internet service.

Good luck.

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A male reader, jonjon68 United States +, writes (1 November 2008):

umm... your bf may not be gay. he may just have a shemale fetish. shemales can be hot hot hot! haven't u seen? two of them have been on America's top model recently. one of them is almost winning! she is a badddd girl. look at some shemale porn and tell me you wouldnt jerk off to it. let me explain. they have narrower hips than women, perfect legs(because they don't put fat or cellulite in those areas), great FAKE TITS, and tight asses. in europe and south america it is all the rage. if you were to post this on a board in brazil people would be confused. f*king shemales doesnt = gay. don't worry.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008):

I too have a husband that seems to like to look at the "shemale" porn sites. I have actually brought this subject up...because it worried me ALOT.... We have only been married a little over a year. I have found these sites on his phone internet, and computer history. Now he deletes his history. He tells me he loves me and would never act on this fantasy. Why is it so hard for me to believe?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008):

I'm impressed by the seriousness of this discussion. Everybody's different. I think that the likelihood of your husband stepping out on you for a tg is probably no more or less likely than with a gg. In fact, probably less. Some fanatasies are fulfilled by the eventual reality. In other cases if you try to act on the fantasies it turns out to be very different - not enjoyable, and not a turn on. I've experienced this both ways with certain kinks and fetishes.

So what is straight, gay, and bi? I've seen the definitions shift. I agree with the idea that sexuality is on a continuum. Some are entirely on the gay end, many are entirely straight, and many are bi to different degrees. Also many people move along the continuum at different times of their lives - maybe even at different times of the day! I think that Kinsey and others have said that many who identify themselves as entirtely heterosexual have had one to 3 gay experiences in their lives. Then there's the fantasy continuum, which is probaly much more wide open. On the physical experience level I happen to be completely straight. On the fantasy level I'm bi. So overall I'd call myself bi-curious. But even in fantasy I'm usually only drawn to tg's or naturally feminine or andogynous males. I've heard a male attraction for only tg's described as "selectively bisexual". No one knows what to call it, and we probably get too hung up on classifying fluid human nature. Also, tg's have been called a third sex or gender.

I have many kinks and fetishes. For example, I have fetishes for makeup, nail polish, long nails and high heels - on a woman. These are pretty fashionable fetishes, but I'm sometimes more turned on when they are exggerated past mainstream fashion. When these are on a man they acqire even more power, and more turn-on for me - sometimes. It depends on my mood. I also agree with whoever mentioned the taboo and transgressive aspect. Also just added kicks and spice - embracing a very different role. That last aspect is what probably most of my kinks have in common, in different ways. I used to crossdress myself, once in a while, as a young man. Usually it was a lot of fun and a turn on. Once whith an old girlfriend, we completely exchanged roles, and both crossdressed to the opposite gender. That was a peak experience for me! As I got older I lost interest for myself, and began to appreciate it in others. The last time I completely crossdressed, I took pics of myself. Looking at them at later times It turned me on to see myself like that. Since it was myself, what would we call it - not homoerotic, not heterosexual. Maybe omni- sexual??

In the end, try not to worry too much. It's probably just a kinky relaese. If you talk to him let us know!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008):

Ignore anyone here that tells you he is either gay or bisexual. It it not up to anyone else to decide what another person is when it comes to their sexuality. Regardless of their own experiences. Not everyone is the same. Sexual orientation is defined by more than sexual behavior and what kind of porn arouses somebody. It's moronic and unintelligent to not consider factors such as attraction, love and romance.

Gay men are men who desire other men. Not only physically but romantically and emotionally as well. They are drawn to masculinity, not femininity. A man performing oral sex on a "shemale" might be a homosexual act, but it doesn't men the man is doing it is.

I believe some men are innately gay, while others develop homoerotic interests due to other, not so healthy experiences and/or feelings.

I believe for a large majority of men, they desire women but have deep rooted fear and anxiety when it comes to pleasuring a woman sexuality. The image of a woman with a penis injects an element of equality and replaces something he is fearful and uncertain of, with something he is very familiar with.

There is also the element of engaging in sexual activity that is shocking, taboo, dirty, secretive or bizarre. Doing something that is transgressive and out of the ordinary. This could be a major factor as well.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008):

I am female and have a loving straight boyfriend.

We are very open about our fantasies, and non judgemental.

we have recently admitted secrets no one ever knew.

He had shown me a pic of a shemale saying that he was turned on by her.

She was very attractive.

he like to be penetrated and we will take his fantasy to another level, but not with an actual shemale. he wishes that the penis were mine.

I had never before had such an honest and open bond with anyone Ever before him.

I had problems with porn when the porn or acts were secret.

Include yourself, he's afraid you'll judge him, that's why he hid it and lied. let him trust you, in every way. I had found the best sexual joy after opening up.

Your husband is not gay, he appreciates the penis cause he has one and knows how good it feels. You'll only drive him do do it more and take his fantasy further if you try to stiffle his fantasy.

I know in our case, my boyfriend is very masculine, and very straight. So he trusts me to share, that's what men love. You can strengthen your bond in so many ways by nurturing his fantasy.

All the men will agree if they have a woman who truly loves them and will never judge...the sex life and relationship is the hottest most loving one you can get.

I don't like women in a lesbian or bisexual way, but some of the shemales look really hot...especially since they don't have a vagina, I wouldn't get within 10 ft. of a vagina but i guess even for women they look hot.

accept him and build him up..in all aSPECTS IT CAN BE SUCESS THAT WAY

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008):

Interesting fact,There is a porn site out there,im not gonna tell what site it is but it is a free site and has all the free tranny shemale porn on it you can get.There are different categories of porn and one of them is special in that you go to it and there is a chat area,its like a porn chat,well there are about 10 categories of different types of porn,lezbian,gay,anal,shemale,interacial and a few more.Just like any chat room,you can look how man people are in these rooms,surprisingly the shemale room almost always has the most people in it.I started looking at shemale porn when i was around 20 yrs old,i love women and want to marry a woman oneday.I still like looking at shemale porn although i want to be with a woman.One of the post i read said something about internet porn being a gateway to the real thing,this is true bc i actually tried being with a shemale and i didnt like it,but then again i still watch shemale porn 6 years later.I was in a serious relationship with a girl and i didnt look at shemale porn while we were together,i never wanted to or anything,and we had a good sex life also,we tried lots of different things in bed .I guess some of these guys in relaionships are turning to porn bc they are not getting satisfied in bed or they are bored and want to venture out.To all the women that are catching their bfs looking to actually meet them,i would probably say leave them bc they are gonna have this urge untill they actually go through with it and see if they like it.If i didnt try it yet,i would probably look untill i did but since i did try it and didnt like it,i wont do it anymore.Its really weird that i still watch shemale porn considering i tried the real thing and didnt like it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008):

Here it is ladies, I watch a lot of shemale porn and I most definitely am not gay. Some people can have a healthy relationship with porn, some can't.

Talk to your husband/boyfriend, explain to him that you understand it's addictive nature and you just want to talk about it. Don't be accusatory, don't ask to see it.

Now, if the man is just watching a little porn, that's pretty typical. My belief is that shemale porn is just a progression from straight porn that occurs when you cross a line into addiction at some point in your past. Meaning, at some point your husband/boyfriend was watching A LOT of porn, too much to be healthy.

As that happened he started finding different things, and eventually stumbled upon shemales. It's just a progression that happens to many people. Just be supportive, and try to see if he can break the habit, if he can't, and you can't deal, then dump him. Life is too short to get hung up on shit like this, and if he won't stop, well, who knows where it can lead.

Now, I suppose there may also be guys that just like shemale porn, without any weird addiction to straight porn. I doubt it though, and if they do, they're probably screwed up from some childhood thing or something. I don't know.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008):

I consider myself to be straight. Have always dated women. Currently have a girlfriend that I've been with for 8 months now, but I do enjoy shemale porn and watch/look at it all the time.

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A female reader, jessicasanfrancisco United States +, writes (3 September 2008):

Hi,

As someone often referred to as a "shemale" I can probably answer that question for you from "our" side. As quickly as I can

Is it a fairly common fetish? - Yes.

Is he gay? - Probably, at the very least he's bisexual.

I am quite a popular escort (read Prostitute) here in San Francisco and still have my male genitalia. A lot of "girls" live and work as women 24/7 and some of us pay our bills working in the adult industry. A lot of us work to get a large amount of money to be able to pay for surgery to remove this male genitalia. Once this genitalia is removed the "clients" and adult work vanishes overnight...coincidence? A lot of us notice that when guys arrive to meet us they are all about what is in our panties because lets face it they would be with females if they weren't interested in the extra something we have. The vast majority however are bisexual and love straight girls too so if you're not all freaked out by his wanting to be penetrated or perform oral sex on male genitalia then let your life be a happy one.

Jess

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A male reader, zorro111 United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2008):

the reasons i got into shemales. i like anal sex. i feel they are misunderstood, and can identify with that. i didnt initally like the idea of ladyboys or crying game. but ive always carried an inkling on crossing the line when it comes to attraction - our private parts speaks. and at heart we are all human. the majority of the reasons we are attracted to someone in the first place is because of how they look - the look is the first or most vivid draw for attraction. so if i saw a very very good looking woman and i find here attractive, then find out she is or was a man or has a penis then i turn that around then i am a liar. so attractive in visual pleasing but wanting to sleep with them after the knowledge of penis is another story. it comes down to fascination. they have a dick but they dont consdier themeselves men. its strange but

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008):

im a straight male, and i am attracted to shemale porn. b4 you say anything hear me out first.

I started out normal, as a teen you get exposed to porn, thats what happened. i was enjoying regular porn... until i got to know about lesbian porn.!!! "WOW" I thought thats it, i found my gig "lesbian porn", cuz i didn't much care for regular porn cuz i didn't enjoy watching male performers.

Then i got exposed to lesbian porn with strapon dildos. i was like this is just ice-ing on the cake, now i can enjoy full male type penetration without staring at a man shoving his penis. and thats where the shemales come in. I eventually was exposed to shemale porn, and i ditched lesbian porn because now instead of plastic penis there is real penis that doesn't belong to a guy(atleast this person is much much more like a woman with breast). So thats what i enjoy, i like shemales with real females porn. but i have never done it with a shemale, nor i would go to that step, plus i don't even like anal sex, giving or receiving.

so what would you call that now? GAY!!! I don't think so...and yes i was sexually molested when i was like 11 yrs old at an arcade place by a some man. It doesn't have to do anything with this... cuz i can't find a connection.

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A male reader, evas United States +, writes (21 June 2008):

OK, here's the truth from a guy who has struggled with this crap for a bit. 1. Shemale porn is a deception for men who have looked at it are just ridding the fence ; no they're not gay but yet the true love they should have for a woman has been twisted. 2. It can also be the picture of self-centered sexual desires. Let's face it, we men respond to visuals and porn on the Net is way to easy. 3.Ask your man this, has he ever been molested or had an encounter with another male when they were young. This question may tick a lot of people off but this is the truth. You might find out that he's dealling with something deeper that he needs to get out in the open and say yes or no to. Porn's a marriage killer,I know this. It can lead to an unhealthy appetite for sex as well. Time's too short and we men can't play with this stuff and expect to have good healthy marriages.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

I ask my boyfriend if I could use his computer to ck my email then this site pop-up i did not know what to say. So I did not say anything but looked at the history and everything was shemale on it I did not even know what a shemale was. Then I look at his favorite and it was save all over.

Am not sure what to do? The problem is that he is very good to me, but when it comes to sex he does not really care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008):

keylogger because he deletes his entire history every time he's on the computer..

Just want to tell you that he is most likely a ashamed, or abused as a child type person and needs , help to find out and identify his experiences when he was a young boy.

This might not be relavent but , I have the same thing going on except its , shemales with long penis' that intrigue me . I had dreams thirty years ago when I was just a littel boy of women like that looked like my mother with a horse size penis in the dream....

maybe he never got a lot of attention when he was little ...like me ...but I am focusing on volenteering at my church and seeking a deeper meaning through a day by day relationship with Jesus, the one in the Bible ...I know it sounds wierd , why would God even waste his time with someone so messed up like me but I think God does understand what sexual abuse I experienced when I was 11 and how its taken me a long time to identify and file these correctly in my mind and heart to be able to go on , without having to fufill all of the dreams I dreamnt...

dan, california

hence 1 suspicious action). I really don't want to cause a problem in our relationship with this fact if this is just some common fetish that most people would never persue physically.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008):

There is no need to argue,

its a taboo

its not gay

its not sick

its been going on for along time

i think alot of you are taking this way out of proportion...

also ladies, it sounds like most of you are just looking for a reason to have a problem and sadly your own insecurities are to blame here along with your guys curiousity... Its called the human condition now get on with your lives and stop this blatent over the top stupidity...

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A female reader, milliemoo United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2008):

I too have had the same thing happen to me. I found that the internet history was being deleted on the P

C many times. It wasnt until a search 'shemale cry' was left on the history that the real truth began to unravel. What I find most frustrating is that my husband (of just over a year) will not tell me what he has been using the sites for. He said he just likes to look at them because of something that happened in his youtha sexual experience . He COMPLETELY denied using downloaded videos for, shall we say ' sexual release'. My husband and i have been married for just over a year and in the last 6 months since we have been married our sex life was very hit and miss. Sometimes making love only once a month. My husband has always insisted that he loves and adores me in every way, yet I have found this revelation has destroyed my sexual confidence and left me so perplexed. What I need to understand is if my husband has visited these sites just because of what he described as an 'experience' from his youth or if he yearns some way of finding an acceptable outlet for homosexuality?

I know some of these posts put forward that men are not immediatley classed as 'gay' for looking at these porn sites. But I question, if in a world where a mans man finds the idea of 'homosexuality' as non-conformist in his 'social circles' does this not give him the ideal excuse to rationalise and make it okay as shemales look feminine but have the 'core goods' which offer an acceptable median?

Sorry to waffle on, but im still hurting, my husband will not give me the whole truth around why he used/uses these sites. but when the trust is lost and your confidence has been destroyed you have to ask yourself if it is worth the pain in living with? My husband has promised never to use these sites ever again, and i must admit he seems sincere. But with that knowledge can you honestly say that you will never compare yourself to a 'shemale' when you are in the bedroom together?

I'm in the same boat as you and struggling to know if this is something I can come to terms with. I have repetedly become angry, said some very hurtful and resentful things to my husband.

Let me know how you get on, cause I feel as if my head is gonna explode!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008):

I too have had the same thing happen to me. I found that the internet history was being deleted on the PC many times. It wasnt until a search 'shemale cry' was left on the history that the real truth began to unravel. What I find most frustrating is that my husband will not tell me what he has been using the sites for. He said he just likes to look at them because of a sexual experience that happened in his youth. He COMPLETELY denied using them for, shall we say 'sexual release'. My husband and i have been married for just over a year and since we were married our sex life became very hit and miss. Sometimes only making love once a month. My husband has always insisted that he loves and adores me in every way, yet I have found this revelation has destroyed my sexual confidence and left me so perplexed. What I need to understand is if my husband has visited these sites just because of an 'experience' from his youth or if he yearns some way of finding an acceptable outlet for homosexuality?

I know some of these posts put forward that men are not immediatley classed as 'gay' for looking at these porn sites. But I question, if in a world where a mans man finds the idea of homosexuality as 'non-conformist' in 'his' particualar social circles does this not give him the ideal excuse to rationalise and make it okay (as shemales look feminine but have the 'core goods' which offer an acceptable median)?

Sorry to waffle on, but im still hurting, my husband will not give me the whole truth around why he used/uses these sites, and I become angry,resentful and say some very hurtful things. He has promised never to use these sites ever again, and i must admit he does seems sincere. But when the trust is lost and self confidence has been destroyed you have to ask yourself if it is worth the pain in living with that knowledge? can you honestly say that you will never compare yourself to a 'shemale' when you are in the bedroom together?

I'm in the same boat as you and struggling to know if this is something I can come to terms with.

Let me know how you get on, cause I feel as if my head is gonna explode!

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A male reader, Tristan_007 United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2008):

I am a 23 year old straight male, I have always been attracted to women but I am also attracted to transexuals. I was 17 the first time I saw a shemale it was a drawing of a beautiful women with a penis. Ever since I have fantasised and looked at shemale porn. I have slept with many women and had relationship with two. I have never slept with a transexual although I have thought and fantasised about it. I only find attractive the ones that look exactly like a girl with smooth body with little make up. What I find attractive is the femininety, their perfect body, beautiful face and round ass. They like to be penetrated just like a girl, they like to be dominated. For me its so erotic the fact that you are dominating someone so attractive with a penis, treating her like a girl. My favorite porn star is a lady called Patricia Araujo she is incredibly attractive if you look at her then you know why straight men find them attractive. In my opinion it does not make you gay because I still find women very attractive I want to get married to one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008):

I am a male attracted to she-males, and the attraction has driven me to depression, but more on that later in this post.

To answer the main question, the answer is YES, it is a common fetish:

I have come across many forums in which men wonder why they are aroused by transsexuals, while they claim they aren't attracted to men. I feel the same way; the thought of TOUCHING another man does not arouse me at all. I have always been attracted to females, physically and psychologically. I have had several girlfriends, with whom I had sex. I love girls.

Going back to my experience with she-male attraction:

... I'm sorry, but I have been awake for over 24 hours and I feel too weak to type the long post I want to. But please come back to check on it, for I WILL tell my story. I have two objectives: HELP others and SEEK help.

I apologize. See you later!

- Richard

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

I'm sorry to hear so many of you ladies are confused and going through rought waters in your relationships I can give you an honest inside into the shemale smoking mirror fetish.

I'm a post op female m2f lady meaning I had my srs, I'm a receptionist for a real estate company in new york city. I had to do escort when I wasn't a female when I was a shemale and I never understood why guys where such hyprocrites and I always believe that guys that were into shemales were straight. THAT IS NOT THE CASE.

After been a female for 9 years passable to the point where my relationship with men and unaware of my past I can give you a real truthful answer. I do not in any way hide my past from my boyfriends but to some point I can relate to having once found out a guy I dated liked shemales. I was disgusted and angry not becaused I'm closed minded I'm ok to people having their fantasies but to him lying to me when I comfronted him

if your husband or bf likes shemales he is attracted to the same sex . A shemale ladyboy has a penis and most guys suck her penis or get penetrated by a penis this is bisexuality or going towards the gay spectrum just because she has breast does not change the fact that he is sucking a penis and is getting penetrated,, When I used to be an escort I saw marry guys swallowing shemale cum and It was so sad that this man where not honest with themselves or their wives.

Ladies your health is been put at risk and you are in a relationship that you will never be love becaused he is with you due to societies expectations.

The porn industry is about making money and they push delusional fetishes why would shemale porn be considered straight if the definition of straight is opposite sex not same sex doesn't matter where she looks feminine and spends thousands in plastic surgery. Female porn stars are just as beautiful if not more since is nature and they have fake breast and do anal. If a men is into shemale is becaused of the fantasy of a chick with a dick,, If shemale porn is put with the bisexual category men with think and come to conclusion that they are not straight so they would rather cater to men fantasy even if is pushing an ideology that pushes their pornography.

A man that is into shemales will never be completely happy with a female because he will always miss that fantasy. If your men is into shemale porn he is living a double life and he is not been honest. Wouldn't you rather be loved for been a female than been with someone that doesn't love you and is with you just for societies standards I know is hard to start over again or get divorce but you got to love yourself

People change. It is normal to experiment but experimenting is a one thing deal not a constant sexual appetite.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

I have to agree with 'Wierdo' on this question. Im 26 myself, from Ireland & I too have become increasingly attracted to porn & in the last 4 years, shemale porn. From the age of 15 to 23, I thought of nothing but women, girls & my fantasies all revolved around them. Isnt homosexuality something that is supposed to develop during pubertity?! Anyways, I guess as my porn addiction increased, so did it become more hardcore, & anal sex would be one of different things that began to arouse me. I did brush over shemale porn after about a year of looking at porn in general, but I never went to specifically look it up, until my addiction grew stronger. The thing that makes me different from most who suffer from this 'freak' addiction, is that I actually slept with a shemale prostitute in Australia in 2005. I believed this person to be a woman at 1st, but when we got back to her/his place, I was told the truth. I was heavily intoxicated(we wont get into that other problem of mine!), and I agreed to sleep with this person, to my horror & dismay the next day. I guess it was a combination of the porn addiction, anal sex addiction, the alcohol level & the fact that at the time I knew what I was doing was so wrong & that if my friends & girlfriend of the time ever found out they would disown me, but I also knew they would never find out... So I will finish my post by saying that I dont believe looking at ladyboy/shemale porn means one is gay for the most part & the porn industry is creating people like me & others addicts. I am still fighting my addiction, but I do manage to surpress it for weeks or sometimes into the 2nd month. I guess Im lucky that Im not married & single at the moment so that no 1 else can get hurt with this. If any 1 can offer me a bit of advise on quitting for good I would be glad to hear it. Regards, annonomous Rich

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008):

I recently found out that my husband of 12 yrs was addicted shemale porn. He watched online shemale porn everyday for hours after work. He visited asian shemale sites and even planned to travel to asia, wanted a day alone without me being around. He made a homemade wax dildo to enjoy anal masterbation (he learned how to make one from youtube clip). I confronted him, we had a big fight. He claimed that shemales were men. He denied that he was gay and never had been with another man. He wanted a divorce and told me that I brought nothing but misery to him. He made me promise not to bring this shemale topic again letting me to believe that he was through with it. A couple of weeks later, he went back on these shemale porns and this time he put a password on his computer so that I couldn't find out. He explained the password was his space, something he wanted to have for himself, his own privacy that NO ONE ALLOWS TO ACCESS. I know he was back on his addictions again. He accessed these sites when I was not home. I researched and was able to put the stop his addiction by using our DSL router at home as a porn filter device (as parenting control as you will). It filters anything with SHEMALE, LADYBOY, TRANNY, TRANSEXUAL etc. He got mad for hours but could not confront me because he was the one made the promise not to talk about his ever again. Now all of our computer at the house do not have access to any of these websites.

My husband is going through some addiction recovering right now. It has been 3 weeks without any shemale porn. I dont know how long it will take him to overcome his addction.

I agree with some thoughts about men dont think shemales are men because of the feminine upper bodies. Shemales go the a great lenght to make themselves more attractive than normal women because they wanted so bad to become ones. Men often say "I dont care if they are fake (implant boobs), if I can touch them, they are real." This let me to believe men really think shemales are nothing but women.

My husband is a hypocrite. He hate men being with other men (gay or bi) but it is ok for him to fantasize shemales. I pray alot for him to open his heart to God and to help us through this difficult time.

I can understand someones have identity disorder and want to have a sex change opperation to become the opposite sex. However the porn industry focuses on making these shemales as an attraction for money really discusses me. I call these porn shemales freaks, I called my husband a freak if and when he was turned on by these porn shemales. The porn industry really dehumanize the real situations of some ppl going after the own hearts on sex operations.

I have studied a good bit on transexuals, transgenders and transvestites. Most sex slave transgenders die from AIDS because they cant find jobs and will turn to selling sex for money to support hormones. I just can't imagine what they have to go through in life to change their identity form male to female, female to male. Again, the shemale porn industry damages the true causes.

I am forgiving my husband on his shemale sex addiction as long as he keeps his promises to stay away from it. It did damage my marriage at certain point. I always doubt his sexual perversion, at least for awhile yet.

I hope you can stop your husband from watching shemale porn or chatting online. I practice "Out of sight out of mind" and so far it is working.

Good luck

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A male reader, Weirdo Bosnia and Herzegovina +, writes (7 February 2008):

Sorry for my English... i'm trying to get better in it

First of all i want to say i'm straight.. im 19... was in love with 3 girls till now altough unlucky in love.. i didn't had any sexuall experience till this point and was never interested in man, i was with girls but i didn had sex with em, the relationships didn lasted eneugh.. the main reason is the OCD(Opsessive Compulsive disorder, it isnt just about repeating some actions in some order or simmilar stuff its much much more)im handsom, athletic build, not ugly and i lack Selfconfidence, even if there is no reason for that,the reason is OCD plus other stuff that come along in the Package with OCD ,so i started early to watch porn and get addicted to it.. (sexuall addiction)..i cant be bi or gay i know it, as an OCD guy i asked that myself a lot.. cos as an ocd ur always thinking that something is not ok with u... "i have aids!! even if didn got even a chance to get it". So i searched alot on the forums ,sites thinking first that im gay or bi but its not like that... iv come across some usefull information from other ppl and from my experience that il write down here... its gonna be a long post as manny of u can see but its worth reading it.. cos i add some new reasons for the Shemale atraction ...reading alot about this sensation iv come across that gay ppl arent turned on by shemales... its because homosexuals arent turned on by the penises as some ppl would assume, gay ppl are turned on by the male body, they dont say that they are turned off by the penises either but it isnt the penis that turns them on.. so unless u like guys.. and u get a hard on, muscular bodies or hairy chests,u probably arent gay or bisexuall ... i pointed this out just to make some things clear... There can be much reasons why somone would watch shemale porn including that he is a repressed bisexuall or that he has repressed homoerotic fantasys, so i can say that the reasons for shemale atraction vary from subject to subject from a person to another... here are few reasons why somone could be atracted to shemales.. i line up the reasons why im thinking i got turned on by them lately...

1. O.C.D (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) the main reason;

Altough i dont have the extreme case of ocd i still have it... what mostly ppl probably dont know is that ocd can involve Obsesive toughts of Sexuall nature.. those toughts include Sexuall behaviour towards others in form of homosexuall , perverted and vorbidden sexuall, actions (remember this are only toughts) to make things clear i can say that ocd ppl may think alot how it would be to jump from a building to commit suicide but they probably never gonna do it... they think about it but they dont do it, this should not be differet from the Sexuall Obsesive toughts.

These toughts or this kind of obsessive thinking can lead to shemale atraction as something perverted, forbbiden.

2. Anal Fetish as somone mentioned before... as far as i can remember and as far i watched porn i always have been turned on by sexuall actions from behind (straight anal porn). There can be many reasons why somone could have Anal fetish but one i mentioned above could be cos of the o.c.d Obsessive toughts involving perverted, forbidden sexuall actions, im not saying that im turned off by the p***y but im not turned on much either. The question now could be,what does this have to do with shemale atraction? the Answer is simple, not much girls allow anal penetration to their boyfriends or husbands , imagine a "girl" that can be only fu***d in the a** , for somone with the anal fetish this is a very interesting tought from wich comes the shemale attraction... i have to mention that im to only atracted to shemales with very or better sayed ultra feminine looks and that im only watching the kind of shemale porn in wich a man is not penetrated..so this has to do again more with thinking and imagining of such girls, to wich the shemale are the closest form.. coming back again to the OCD and the Sexuall Obsessive toughts.

Gonna mention that i had like most of guys out there probably, sometimes when i was drunk imagined how it could be to put a finger in my a** the tought about it was the part that excited me... but the action itself cos i done it few times... wasnt very pleasant..and not much excited.. This can be probably linked with Anal fetish..

3. The last but not less important thing is Sexuall addiction(i started to fight it... deleted all my porns i had on the computer and im trying not to visit the porn sites altough i didn tought that its gonna be so dificult.... ) the shemales arent something new to me.. iv seen them few years ago on porn channels had plenty of chances to see them on internet since then but i havent done it.. reason? the sexuall adiction like any other adiction as somone mentioned before starts from softer porn to harder porn and more perverted porn... like a drug user that starts using hard drugs after the soft one dont get him satisfied any more, its the same with sexuall adiction... ocd, anal fetish and sexuall adiction is a very bad combination... As long as i didn saw all the possible anal porn and as far there was still something new to discover i was not interested in shemale porn, i was not either freely entering into this kind of porn... i did it accidentally..i wasnt even thinking about watching it. i was searching for clips of a pornstar, and when i started to watch it i saw them.. 2 shemales penetrating her.. in this sitation its like new doors and dimensions opened for my perverted mind... a new continent do discover, something new, something different something even more Perverted... i have to get rid off this addiction for sure.. this is lasting for about a month now and only this kind of porn gives me the necessary kick to get rly turned on so i decided to stop it before its gonna start to take over my mind even if its hard to stop...

Lately i have intensive erotic dreams 95% of em include me f*****g, kissing, touching girls, known girls of mine or some imaginary ... explanation.. probably lack of sexuall activities and sex overall in my life..(before i kissed a girl i dreamt regulary of that :P ) few of them included shemales but its just curiosity imo.. A compleatly different situation is when i encounter a girl that i found atractive in real life...it sounds sad but i could only touch her boobs and start to hmmm... u know what to do :)

So by me its probably just a fetish :) sexuall addiction ocd.. by other ppl it can be something different but il just repeat the sentance somone wrote on some site or forum " u are not gay, and u are probably not bisexuall either you are just a sick bastard :D " take it with humour ;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

I just found out my fiance has been looking at shemale porn and I'm horrified. We have spoken about it and he insists it's just a fantasy and that he would never act on it - but I also found he'd been looking at escort and nightlub sites. He says, like other men here, that he only likes looking at the 'pretty ones' which to him means he's looking at women. But they have cocks for goodness sakes! Like other men here, he says he doesn't know why it turns him on, it just does. Oh come on! It's a man, with a dick - if you fancy it you must be bisexual - you must know why you like it! I asked him how he would feel if he found I'd been looking at women dressed as men - he said I would assume I had lesbian tendancies. Sorry but this isn't 'normal' - you can't say you're striaght and at the same time like looking at dicks (one of the videos was a tranny masturbating). Looks like I'm not getting married now - i'm gutted. But hey, we'd only had sex about 10 times in 3 years, he only has female friends so who's the fool...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008):

I am disgusted at the thought of grown men looking at other men..seriously I dont care how much logic you try to put into it that they are not males..you're just in denial and need to come out of the closet cuz you are bi. They are humans born male who have enhanced they appearance to be women..but they are men..and born males. My husband does this too and it just grosses me out and recently I have caught him googling where to meet shemales. that is a sure sign that porn is a gateway to more things. This guys say that they dont act out on it but look at them looking at it, they obiviously were curious about it. What's to stop them from physically trying it out and gfulling that curiouslity. I am scared of diseases in general and he thought of my man screwing a shemale gives me the creeps that i may catch something. Them looking at porn is not a disease..people...they are addicts. They always will be unless they get help. They start out small and eventually more will happen. GOOD LUCK

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007):

If your man is fooling around, no matter who it is with, then you have a serious problem on your hands. However, if he is only looking at shemale porn, I don't see why it is such a big deal. Men look at all kinds of different porn. You would be shocked and amazed at the things we look at or think about. But civilization takes over and we don't act out on it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007):

The turn-on about shemales is that they are sexy femininine in appearence but presumably have a "Male" sex drive. Also shemale can allow male to be submissive sexually which NEVER happens in a sexual relationship with females.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007):

One thing that got me fascinated with shemales is that they are women, but they got something masculine. The thought of a petite little lady with all her nice ultra-feminine mannerisms, and a mean machine gun between her legs really gets me "confused". It is similar to the woman-smoking fetish, or to the woman-driver fetish in those countries where driving is considered something very manly and not normally done by women, or the woman-soldier-machine-gunner fetish, etc.

Try to talk about this with your husband, and then reach some sort of a BDSM ritual agreement, where you put on a strap-on, and he has to give you a BJ. He must perform the BJ like your subordinate on your command, like order it anytime you catch him watching porn. Maybe get an army uniform with officer markings, etc, or put on a man's business suit that a CEO would wear. You want to retain your femininity, but look like you're doing something in the "manly" domain. For better instructions, talk to a sex therapist. Maybe this way he'll associate this "woman-performing-manly-action" fetish with you rather than with some porn.

Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

obviously has some issues from childhood

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007):

just a few questions from one who is also in a similar situation..

Do you think HE would be as understanding and willing to research if YOU were the one with an alternative sexual curiosity?

Don't kid yourself..men are far less forgiving and understanding...

Is he worth the time and energy you are spending on this?

and if so.. are YOU OK with living with this for the rest of your life.. because it does not go away!

Comment: I am so tired of men making excuses for themselves and making such an effort to manage the perception of others regarding their own obsessive behavior..

where does it stop? when do women say enough?

really, let's face reality and let them do what they feel the urge to do .. as long as they do it alone and not while they are in a "relationship" with a women.

if it were the woman doing this there would be zero tolerance!!!!!!!!!!

let him go..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

I am a man, going through the same issue with my girlfried of a year. I've visited TS porn sites, and even messed around a bit on craigslist. She's had a really hard time coming to terms with this and I've had a really hard time communicating why I find it attractive.

I agree with some of the more calming reassurances that the man is not gay, that the mind and sexuality are complicated things and situations like this should be handled with delicacy, not guns a blazin.

The TS porn I like is where the model appears very feminine, and through looks and behaviour comes off as a woman with something extra. Not to be confused with cross dressers or transvestites.

After a few rocky days of me constantly trying to reassure her that she is not inadequate for my sexual tastes, and her reading on the internet about how common it is for men to have this fantasy, she has decided to support me in it and I can't tell you how happy this makes me to not have to feel ashamed about this part of myself. That the woman I love knows everything about me and loves me back.

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A female reader, sam581 United States +, writes (27 November 2007):

I know exactly how you feel. A few weeks ago, I discovered that my boyfriend of 1 year and half is also fascinated with trannies/shemales to the point that he's offered to meet them. The worst part is that we are in along distance relationship and see each other 2x a month.I don't know how to confront him about this as I found this information behind his back. I am so devastated right now that I have co ntemplated breaking up with him over that. Please mail me if you want to talk.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007):

100% normal.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

I am a 28 year old male in a 8 year heterosexual relationship going through the exact same thing. I've looked at pornography since before I could get an erection. This is part of a sexual addiction. Some addicts refer to it as a disease. It is progressive like an alcoholic or drug addict. The user will always need more. I have started going to Sexaholics Anonymous (sa.org) to try to control and change my addiction. It is treated with the same ideas that Alcoholic's Anonymous uses. Please look into this if you're truly looking for a stop. I must also say that any type of religous foundation in ones self will greatly increase you chances of healing. It is the moral background of the majority of the world that makes pornography etc. unacceptable. I am guessing that is why your having issues with it. A vast majority of us are taught and believe that any sin will cause us to burn in hell. We are also taught to forgive. Please stand by you man. He is not gay. I wouldn't trade anything for my fiance, and I certainly did not realize what I was doing could make her doubt my love for her. There are ways to get through this. It probably won't be easy, but imagine the strength that it could help the two of you develop in your relationship. I hope I helped someone. Just the assurance from previous post helps me to stay sober on more day.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007):

I'm a bi cross dressing butch and submissive ex escort who is sometimes very male and sometimes very female. If anyone would understand it's me. Your husband is either one of two things but the one thing he isn't is gay, he probably doesn't like butch men. He is like most men, attracted to highly feminine shemales because in many ways they are more feminine than most women. Unlike most women who are taught to be strong and fight for women rights transexuals are the opposite. They usually want to be delicate feminine submissives all the time, they have gone through great length to be so. They also can't get pregnant, know how to please men and are often escorts. They are also usually highly molded to look like exagerated sexualized women due to lots of plastic surgery not unlike porn stars. So with this in mind your husband has either been cross dressing himself his whole life and been hiding it but is probably not gay or discovered shemales later in life and was facinated by them. Since he doesn't have one available he seeks them out. He doesn't like you any less, but he's not going to seek female porn because he already has you if he needs it. He'll never have sex with a man or want to marry a tranny that's what women are for to him. But in a sexual fantasy or just a simple hook up the thought of a tranny turns him on because it's so taboo and exciting. Something different. You can either let him continue his fantasy because he will if you do nothing or you can talk to him about it and see if you can come to some compromise about it. If he was looking at asian porn you wouldn't make yourself asian would you. It's just something you have to deal with. He has a common fetish and it's up to you whether you want to encourage it or just find some other way to deal with it. You need to talk to him in a very understanding and open minded way though or else you may find him ordering shemale escorts behind you back. I dated many married men while I was escorting not because they were unhappy with there wives but I was that something extra they always wanted. You need to talk to him before it's too late. Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007):

Please dont worry too much!!!! It does not mean he is gay. I have never found a guy sexually attractive, therefore I am not gay in my opinion. However, I looked at a few shemales and i think they fooled my subconscious mind with their feminine aspects, so i didn't really see them as guys at all. I think you should find a way to discuss this issue with your husband, becuase if he distracted by the shemales frequently he can forget how sexy you really are to him. Try to get him off the shemales for a few days and give him some great sex and in a few weeks hopefully he will forget about them. That's right, he might have temporarily forgot how he feels about you because of the shemales. It's weird subconscious that may take time to deprogram. Thank you for reading. I'm wishing the best for you in life - Dan

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

Well, I hope you read this. I am a male who loves tranny porn. I know this certainly does not mean that I am gay. No way does the thought of having sex with a man turn me on. You may argue that shemales are men but I would disagree. I hate the thought of having sex with a man but I love shemales. I hope this answers your question. You don't have to be gay to like shemales.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007):

I have struggled with this question. I am lead to believe that the love of my life is attracted to the bazzar. I am so unhappy. He has a tranny/Shemale anything with brests and a penis fetish. It takes up most of his days when he is not working. This also includes trannys/shemales and animals all togeter, not to mention gay porn. He lies so well and deniyes it all. But then talks to me about how his friends have it there mobile phones? I have also found out in a fasion that he is cheating on me, with women...incase you were wondering.On the internet.

anybodys advice

would be

appreciated, am I grasping at straws? Has this person got problems that can not be solved? Am I wasting mine and my 8 year old sons time and life on this person?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007):

Wow, I am going thru the exact same thing right now. I just got married in June and my husband lives about 200 miles from me. He gave me access to his bank account and I went and viewed some of his old bank statements online. I saw many charges for this adult entertainment site. When I went to this "porn" site I realized he had been buying lots of minutes to view porn, when I went to his "favorites" section, all of it was she-male and transgender porn along with a couple of gay porns. I am completely at a loss for words and when I confronted him I know I handled it improperly because I asked him if he had some kind of sick twisted fetish I was unaware of. Then I asked him if he was molested as a child. I know I handled it wrong.....please help me understand.

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A male reader, joejohn United States +, writes (6 September 2007):

I'm a straight guy and got started on shemale porn when i was curious of all the ads in the backs of penthouse, hustler, ie those magazines and saw the chicks w/ dicks ads, curiosity killed me and i looked at some porn online. It's only the trans on girl and trans on trans though that i like... probably because i love lesbian porn as well, only these ones involve a little something extra, i can't explain it either, I don't think you have anything to worry about, but definitely talk to him about it and find out what it is that he likes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007):

I know what you are saying. I have gone online to find my boyfriend in a shemale chatroom twice. Once after we had just broken up and once yesterday. I can't believe it. We have a good sex life overall. The only "blip" I would say is that he does not enjoy giving orally. I don't know if he's gay/bi or whatever. He's always been a masculine guy, but now I don't know what to think. His job demands that he travels heavily and I am scared that chatting could be leading to something else. Any thoughts?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007):

I am straight and like shemale porn. So here is my two bits...

Your man is not gay (IMHO). He is most likely very comfortable with his hetro-sexuality. Yes, in a purist sense one could say he was Bi (but not attracted to straight or gay males). He also may have an anal fetish and is not comfortable approaching you on the subject.

Most non-homophibic straight men fantasize over transsexuals (not to be confused with tranvestites, google the differences) who look very feminine, most even more (facial and figure wise) beatiful than the average women --- with modern advances in plastic sugery enhancements. Most likely this will remain a fantasy and he will never act on making it a reality.

I know its very hard for women to understand men's sexual fantasies which can seem perverted, deviant or any other label the puritian hypocrites of today would label it. Confronting him directly may put him on the defensive.

If it bothers you terribly, seek the advice of a qualified sexual fetish psychiatrist. Do Not get influenced in the emotional advice, opinions and moral judgements of "others". He is and probably will be a mans man deeply in love with you.

Keep an open mind :)

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A female reader, AlliD United States +, writes (24 August 2007):

Well, my story sounds just like yours.... and a few others on here. My husband is a man's man..... Great athlete, successful, financial professional, very outgoing, social, good looking, etc... He also started out looking at craigslist, got involved in female prostitutes, eventually a curiosity developed for shemales, which led to shemale prostitutes, etc....

Don't be fooled by your husband' "just looking" at craigslist.com. If he is looking at the erotic services then he might be contacting the female or shemale prostitutes on there. My husband's curious desire for shemales turned into hiring shemale prostitutes for nearly 2 years. I believe he was only with females for a year.

He recently got caught and is in therapy for sexual addiction. He is embarrassed, ashamed, and devastated at what he did. But he did do it. His story could be completely different than yours and I am not trying to scare you, but the lure of pornography and the aggressive nature of propstitutes can be overwhelming for some.

We had one particular shemale prostitute calling and asking for my husband even when I would answer his cell phone. The texting was non stop also.

As for wondering if your husband is bi/gay? I am not a professional so I can not answer that for you. My husband claims he does not find men attractive at all etc... However, he did do some things with male body parts.... So I guess I still don't know.

I would ask him... he might get very defensive, but you really need to know. We both were tested for STDs. You could be putting yourself at risk. Take it from someone that took his word for it the 1st time I suspected something and less than a month later my world was ripped apart... Do yourself a favor and find out. Please feel free to contact me directly if you have more questions....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007):

I can definitely relay with your situation since my husband has the same fantasy about shemales. Just a couple of days ago, I caught he had an internet relationship with a shemale in one of the country in Asia; he chats with him (I cannot address this shemale as "her" since he is not!) and even sent him money. I was devastated, and now we are in the process of divorce. He had violated and cheated on our marriage vow (we are having marriage issue before his relationship with this shemale started). He said he didn't cheat on me since it is only an internet thing (chatting and emailing), but sending this person money already proven that this shemale is special to him. He even told "him" that he loves him and want to make love to him. I was shocked and disgusted with this and think that divorce is the best solution for us but we have a daughter and I battling myself if I did make a good decision.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007):

Do not be concerned. Just because a man looks at tranny porn doesn't mean he's gay. And it doesn't mean he's losing interest in you at all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007):

It's really interesting that woman find this to be so terrible. If I looked at an orgy video, does that mean I want to participate in one? The answer is no. It turns me on, but in real life I realize that it would be...there is no other word, "yucky"! It's the same with shemale porn. It's the same with all porn. Just because I might look at it, doesn't mean I'd do it in real life.

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A female reader, penta United States +, writes (31 July 2007):

penta agony auntTry to get your guy to look at porn through a different venue -- not on the computer. Porn sites on the computer are notorious for downloading ad-ware, mal-ware, and plain viruses.

If you know he's visited porn sites (not just Craig's list but actual porn sites.) Tell your guy that you and he need to take the computer to the shop and have the "extra" programs removed, because you're getting nasty popups (whether you are or not). He'll know he's visited these sites, so he won't question you.

Then have a discussion about the porn that you know he's looking at (because of the pretend popup).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007):

Get a strap on and offer to do him. Some guys like this (my man does). He's just having a fantasy; I doubt it means he isn't into you anymore. It's not like he's looking at guys. He still wants the feminine. And if he wants you to take it there, he ought to be willing to take it there himself.

If you're really lucky, the reality won't be what the fantasy was and he'll be done. (Of course there's always the chance that he'll be thrilled and want it all the time. I don't have any advice if this happens.)

In any case, I'd be more concerned that he only wants it from behind anymore. You and he need to have a frank discussion about that.

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A female reader, OHMILF United States +, writes (31 July 2007):

I am in the swing community which is populated with bi-sexual men and women. Almost all of the bi-sexual men I have spoken too told me that they started their interest in being with other men through trannie pics and MFM threesomes. Now, unlike female bi-sexuals, most bi men are not into one-on-one sex with another man, but like to have another woman there or a female type to make it fall within their comfort zone. Honey, in all honesty, your man is bi, but on the positive side he is hetero not homo leaning and with bi-sexuality the person is almost always leaning more towards one sex or the other. The trannie lovers are hetero-leaning, but they are still bi.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

Do't worry about it. I am a straight male and I enjoy watching tranny porn. I don't know what attracts me to it exactly, but I will try and explain best as I can. I guess what attracts me is the fact that a tranny looks like a female - breasts, long hair, female figure, skin, etc. But they have a penis. It's weird. I'm not attracted to men or penises on men, only on trannies. I guess it's kind of a subconcious thing. You know when you watch a porno and a guy is having sex with a chick, you try to imagine that you are the guy? Guys will understand this better than females. Hence, when a guy watches tranny porn, he imagines that it is his penis on the chick - the best of both worlds in one package.

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A female reader, robina Portugal +, writes (28 July 2007):

I know how you feel and its devistating.

I , like yourself have gone through the same thing and I think the more we try to anilise it the more upset we become.

I discoverd my boyfriend was registerd on She male contact sites, i have not been the same since, im keeping his dirty secret and its kiling me

Please mail me if you want to talk

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007):

Hi, i have recently discovered exactly the same thing. My boyfriend recently moved in with me and I discovered the sites he was looking at (normal porn and tv porn) by mistake through the history button while looking for a previous site I had been on. I feel really funny about it as before that our sex life has become none existant, in the last 4 months we have only had sex 2 times! I have tried to talk to him about us not having sex and have heard every excuse in the book, tired, not in the mood etc etc. I'm heartbroken. I would love to watch normal porn with him, I do by myself, but he won't even do that. I don't have kids with him, but find that I don't want to leave him as I am aware he loves me alot, but at this moment in time I feel that I am becoming his mother not his girlfriend. I know how you feel about it, there isn't a day goes by now that I don't think about it. My boyfriend doesn't like to talk much either so me approaching him about it would be pointless. Sometimes I wonder why we even bother with relationships for all the pain and worry that can come of them! Good luck with your relationship and hopefully we will all be ok in the end.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007):

I don't think he's gay. I like trannie pics too, I find them really interesting, but I can't explain why. I can also say that I find other men pretty darn ugly!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007):

Your story sounds just like mine. Everything you wrote. My husband didn't clear his history and that is how I found out. I know for me , I was so devastated. He has turned me off so bad. I am not allowed to speak about it anymore. It happened a year ago. I have children and I don't know if you do. If I hadn't though I know for sure I would not stay. I am just so turned off by it. My gay friend told me what they all have said here that it doesn't mean he is gay. Well I have a hard time believing that a so called straight man would want to look at me and you with a penis. Let me tell you this, my husband denied it at first. He finally told me yes it was him. He knew he couldn't keep lying about that one. I hope things get better for you. There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think about all that has happened. Good Luck ok.

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A female reader, splendid_spiders United States +, writes (21 July 2007):

The mind is very complicated and humans are deep, black bottomless pits of emotion. Think about the things you've done when alone or the things you've thought about ... things you'd never talk about with anyone ... things you might be ashamed of. I totally understand your concern, but just remember the complicated nature of all that's human. We all do things that can't be understood ... just beware if it begins to change your relationship. If your relationship begins to change for the worse because of this, that's when you should really begin to worry. Good luck. Ps ... I too found some shemale porn in my man's closet. I'm not going to worry about it unless I feel I really need to. If all is well in your relationship, let him have his private thoughts ... we all have and need to have them.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (21 July 2007):

Danielepew agony auntI'm straight and not attracted to shemales. I think it's safe to say that the straight men I know are not attracted to shemales, either. For all the straight men I know, and for the gay ones I've met, also, a person with a penis is, in the end, a man. Maybe a gay man, et cetera, but a man. I don't think this is the usual porn a straight man would look at. I wouldn't.

However, I don't think this proves he's gay. Maybe he's just curious.

I won't say much about using a keylogger. You know that this is not right. However, this is not my concern at this point. You know, madam, obviously you used the keylogger for the change in his interest and his behavior, so I will not be the first to throw a stone at you. I think this must be quite an issue.

And then, I agree with you that his deleting the browsing history may be suspicious. Obviously he knows the effect that shemale porn would have on you.

There can be some doubt as to whether he's gay, but there's no question you have a problem in your relationship. Now that you've found he looks at shemale porn, obviously you need to know whether something is going on. It will be a bit hard to bring the issue, but I think you will have to.

Hope this helps.

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