A
female
age
41-50,
*istofnames
writes:Iam 27 and have been with my parnter for almost 4 years. We have sex around 4 times a week but in the last 3 months i have not been into sex. I was not feeling that good about my self so my parnter seek out some very sexy PJ's and underware in hope that would make me feel better about my self. This has not worked as yet and still feel like sex is just another thing that i have to do. What can i do to get that spark back?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): prehaps you should talk them about this first
A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (21 February 2009):
 Might I suggest that something different happened in the last 3 months that has changed your attitude... unfortunately, it could be nearly anything... your job, his job, a change in a family status... change in weight/body-type... are you more self-conscious because of a scar?... like I said, ANYTHING.
I suggest that you think hard about what has altered your psychological state and if you're lucky enough to figure out what it is that changed, address it. An intimate sexual encounter is part psychological and if that part has seen an alteration of some kind, then you could effecting your overall enjoyment of "the act" itself. Another (IMO, the usual) reason is that your ego has taken a hit that you're trying to resolve... classic example these days has been job loss due to the failing world-wide economy. I suppose from the 10,000ft level, you need to regain the self-esteem you had and embrace your own value... in a sense, love yourself more...
Of course, I could be completely wrong on some (all?) of this, but generally speaking, people that have reduced libidos have experienced something that altered their perception of themselves. It might be worth it to reflect on that and see if it holds true for you.
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