A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a huge problem. I have been repeatedly sexually abused throughout my childhood and adulthood. I have a husband that just wants to take care of me. His father raped me and made me continue to have sex with him by threatening me. I did not tell my husband because I was afraid and now he is heartbroken. He doesn't understand why I did not come to him sooner. Please Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Diovan is so right. You might feel lost and alone, things might look difficult and you are hurting, but you are not alone. We are here for you and you and your kids deserve better. Wish I could be there to give you a hug now, but I am sending you lots of hugs and you are in my prayers and thoughts.
Be strong for yourself and your children. If need be you need to report your husbands abuse too. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children. Abuse is not just physical, he has been emotionally abusing you and please if you cannot find somewhere else to stay for a few days to get your life on track, get an court order to keep your husband away from you and the children.
Always remember, you are not alone, we are here for you.
Keep us posted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Yes you can babes, you've been through worse, today is dark, but things will get better for you. Stay strong, we're all right here with you and wishing you all the best. We like you, we can only imagine the pain your going through, stay strong honeypie, cause you are definitely stronger than you think.
We need you to walk away from these two abusive men. Like father like son, you'll only be able to breathe freely again as soon as you walk away. The father is an abuser, your husband knows that, he tried to molest his granddaughter, and what dose your husband do, he starts to blame you. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, these men are sick in the head, you need to be strong and start to look after and protect yourself. Don't let them and their madness drag you down, your a good woman, your a good mummy, you've got more goodness and kindness in your heart than they ever will. If your husband was a good man, he would be kissing and cuddling you and protecting you from harm. Stay strong baby and learn to fight back. Your husband is sick, he was brought up by an evil beast and he doesn't know right from wrong.
We are with you, whenever you need to talk. You did what you had to do. I wish you could leave and find a kind, tender man that could give you the love your surely deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontoday i don't think i can go on
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Dear Poster
Excellent advice from Fade 878; please don't allow any situation that might put your life or the life of your child at risk. Speak to your counselor about his threats and do have numbers of emergency assistance handy in case things do turn physically abusive. You need to think of yourself but also the safety of your son.
You do need to get out of this situation, even if just temporary; is there any way you and your son can go stay with some friends or relatives? Alternatively ask your counselor to assist you to obtain a court interdict to keep him away from you and your child. He needs professional help to deal with his anger and abusive behavior.
Do take good care of yourself and your son.
I am sending you lots of hugs and smiles.
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (7 December 2008):
 Your husband is in huge denial about his Father and cannot accept what he has done i am even begining to wonder why he is behaving in this manner towards you?
He ought to be more supportive to you i cannot believe he is being like this he is threatning to kill you and take your son he sounds unstable to me and it might be a good idea to go stay with family till this has all been sorted because you are living with too much strain here and mentally it is a form of torture what he is doing to you it really is dispicable under the circumstances does he not see you have suffered enough?
Find a place to stay where you and your son can be safe and sort your life out one day at a time take care.
Ginalolabridga
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone. things are not good at all, i have started therapy. my husband is still very angry and taking it all out on me. he keeps saying he is leaving and then he doesnt. he threatens to take my son from me. he has even threatened to kill me. i am so sad and so scared and dont know what to do. why do i want to save my marriage? if i tell him how i feel he just says t is what i deserve and that i should be thinking of how he feels instead
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (24 November 2008):
Hi,
This has been a huge shock for your husband it will take him a lot of time and patience to come to terms with this he feels he has lost a wife and a father!
In time he will come round for now you need to focus on the charges brought against his father and to protect your kids i am so glad your daughter was able to fight this brute off you are doing the right thing believe me he needs locking up!!
You were afraid and were also trying to protect your husband from finding out the horrible truth about his father and the fact you have suffered abuse in the past has had you enduring this terrible pain for years that must have been horiffic for you.
Your husband may in time be more supportive i sincerely hope he finds it in his heart to realise the pain you have suffered at the hands of his father and comes to his senses real quick and be there with you when they charge him.
You need all the support you can get and i would be asking the authorities to help you with this do not suffer in silence anymore break free from this terrible burden you carry and i hope you find peace within my friend take care of yourself.
Ginalolabridga
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your supportive responses. It lasted several months and I am going to report him. He also attempted to touch my 14 year old daughter, but she was strong and fought him off. and that I have already reported. But my husband blames me for not telling him sooner. He threw away a diamond necklace he bought me early in our relationship took off his wedding ring, amd deleted all of our pictures on the computer. He says our entire relationship has been a lie because I did not trust him enough to tell him. That is not true, I was afraid, and just did what his dad told me because I was afraid of the threats. I know I fell into it because of past abuse, but now I am suffering for what His dad did and dealing with my husbands hatred and telling me he no longer loves me, sometimes I just want to die. I have 5 children, they keep me alive. we have been together 11 years. He also took away my cell phone, car, house phone and I cant even go online or anywhere without his permission. (he is at work right now.) I actually asked the first question because I want to know how to help him with his pain and anger towards me.
Thank you so much for your kindess.
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (24 November 2008):
Hi,
You go to the police and you report him immediately how awful this has been for you and he gets away scott free?
Do the right thing get him punished for his crimes i hope they lock him up and throw away the key!!
For yourself i would ask you seek therapy and professional counselling there is services for women who have been raped and in your position they will help you, support you, and most of all guide you on how to regain your life back.
This man has done a terrible thing and took a part of you he had no right taking justice won't be done till he is behind bars for this i wish you well.
Ginalolabridga.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I'm a male and I think the same way about this as the women who responded, and so do a lot of other men I know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Dear Poster
I am sorry for what you have endured.
I agree with Fade 878; professional counseling is needed ASAP;
the father must be reported and please do not feel sorry for him; he needs to be prosecuted by the law;
I do hope that with professional guidance you and your husband can work through this.
Best wishes and do remember we are here for you if we can be of any assistance.
Lots of hugs and smiles.
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A
female
reader, helpjayne +, writes (23 November 2008):
 I feel so sorry for you, no one ever has the right to take your dignity away how dare he. Get him arrested for what he's done, but I think you should write your husband a letter if you can't tell him face to face, just explain what feelings and emotions you had then tell him everything. Don't feel as though it's your fault your husband's heartbroken. He's sad because he loves you so much and you were hurting for all these years without him knowing. I think maybe you should go in for some counseling maybe your husband too. You're really brave for posting this. Don't ever let anyone think that they are above you.x
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