A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Married 6 years. Lived together 1 1/2. My husband left our home state for a nursing job in Cal. 9 months ago. He rooms with 3 other guys there. He was coming home 6 days a month. He works there for the $$. Of course, I do not like this situation and I am ready to give up. My husband is fully aware of my loneliness and depression from this living situation. To add fuel to the fire, he has now enrolled in RN school up there. He now will only come home every 3 months or so during breaks. No, it is not feasable for me to leave our home town as the cost of living is to high. I think I'm ready for a divorce. I have mentioned the "D" word to him before and have said our relationship is truly suffering. He keeps telling me this is what is best for our future. Monetarily speaking of course. Any advice ? He also expects me to fly up there monthly (and thinks this will solve the loneliness prob.) That cost money also. PLEASE ..give your opinion on my situation...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): I think if you love him you will stick it out until he finishes his training, It will be worth it in the long run, Eventually you will be able to have a more normal life and see each other more. So I think you just need to be more patient, its not alwyas going to be like this. The fact that he wants to start a family with you tells me that he really loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
So if you want to call your relationship off just because you are impatient then I think you will really regret it in the long run.
Ok hope I have helped you see things differently.
XX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBTW...I'm 34 he's 33 and we've never had kids. Even through my misery of this situation he tells me even after graduation
1 1/2 years..he still wants to commute back and forth from cali. to La. but he will fly home every other week then. And, then he wants to start a family. He says people do it all the time. I have a problem with starting a family with a husband that won't be home but 14 days out of the month. HIS bright side logic is "BUT..I'll be home 192 days out of the year..who can say that?"....
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBelieve me, I have stressed his coming home and finding a job here. I have asked him to take online courses and stay here. If it weren't for the "excitement" of the buddies living there to, I don't think he would have gone. Interesting you should say he wants out of the marriage and doesnt have the guts to say so. My mom has said that exact same thing to me. I just can't believe it b/c he still says how much he misses me. I think he truly believes this is all that marriage is cracked up to be. I want more. Why should I give up my home ..the things that through the years we've worked so hard to obtain and start over in an economy apt. I don't think that is fair. He asked me about the school..I had no idea that it would result in us not seeing one another but every 3 months. When I found out I stressed to him that if that IF he was going to go to school ..DID HE realize he may not come home but 20 days a year? This just isn't enough for me..yes, why be married at this point in my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): It's not an easy situation but why does he have to go so far away. Is there no way that you two can meet half way. Maybe if he got a job nearer. Is there no jobs around where you live? You both need to be together or why be married? I can understand your lonliness, it must be terrible. The money that you spend going to visit him could be put towards getting a place together where you can both live. I'm really not sure what i can say to this.
I wish you both well, and do take care
xx
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male
reader, wes  +, writes (17 January 2007):
Being able to provide for one's family is very important to a man. Even in today's society in which the gender roles are blurry and women make as much or more than their husbands, men still want to know that they can provide for their family. Call it pride. They want to take care of their women and make them happy. Salary provides the easiest measure for their ability to provide regardless of your material demands. This will be exacerbated by any existing feelings of insecurity.
It sounds like his decision to enroll in school was a decision made in isolation. Being married, such decisions must be made together. This causes me concern.
It is a possibility that he wants out of the marriage and either hasn't admitted it to himself or does not have the courage to tell you. Ill treating you until you leave him is a much easier, and crueler, approach.
There is nothing wrong with demanding that the two of you must be together. This could mean him returning home to find work, you moving to be with him and finding a modest place to stay, or him attending school in a city with a lower cost of living. As his wife I am sure that you are supportive of his want to attend RN school so demanding he not may be unreasonable. Demanding that you collectively find a way for him to do it while being together is not.
Take a stand for yourself and your marriage.
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