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My husband was raped by his boss!

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Question - (9 January 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm 31, my husband is 33 and we've been married for 4 years now. My husband works in management for a local distribution company.

On Tuesday he came home from work, early in the morning after doing 3 day negotiations with a client, and said to me he was raped by his (female) boss. I asked him to explain how, and he said that all he remembers about it was that he was having a late-night discussion with negotiations, the meal finished at about 11pm and then he remembers waking up in his boss's bed with his boss on top of him saying "I know you want it, you sexy thing!" and him saying "No, STOP it!" but she refused to stop. He remembers having injuries on his body and a sore leg.

We went to the doctor next day, who did some intimate personal examinations on him, and the doctor said "The injuries appear consistent with rape, they don't look like an accident."

Then we went to the police but they refused to even believe it, claiming it was a "malicious allegation", and they said they wouldn't even pursue it.

My husband's now become withdrawn, and refuses to even go into work. He's started eating large amounts of ice-cream, potato chips and drinking loads of beer too.

How can I help him? I want to be there and supportive to him, but it seems no-one else does.

I need all the help I can get.


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A male reader, DearCupid United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2009):

DearCupid agony auntThis is DearCupid's resident faker back again after a long absence. To the original poster, create and account and PM me some of your questions crack me up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009):

I think for sure his drink was spiked with a drug - my sister suffered a similar fate and was ill off it too. It is a brave thing for your husband to admit to this and please get advice from rape crisis or the police I would guess this is not the first time this woman / company has been involved in something like this and please, for all other men who have been raped like this do the right thing and report it. Forget his job and worrying about income as you can get compensation for this and I hope you get a great deal. This act is disgusting and the woman involved set him up in my opinion. In addition your husband needs emotional suppport like never before and this should also come from a third party for both of your sakes as he is showing signs of depression caused by hurt, humiliation and low self esteem. Please post again if you need further support.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009):

Get a therapist recommended via your doctor, not to mention sue his boss

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2009):

i think it is awful that the police would not even look into it. after all male rape sadly does take place. you should go to a lawyer and take it to the police again. maybe a different station. don't let the boss get away with it, she needs to be locked away.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009):

that advice is 100% correct a lawyer, no human being should be violated in that way, I will keep you in my prayers, you can thank God that your husband spoke to you about this, otherwise it could’ve been so much worse on him and you. Just keep on reminding him he does not have to feel ashamed he did nothing wrong,

good luck and God bless

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A female reader, tinylass United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2009):

tinylass agony aunti think tht it is really great that you are there to support him when he needs you most.

maybe you could get him to talk to a counselling to help him deal with it or hypnotherapy.

im some people eating and and drinking is a way of forgeting what has happened. and in others it can turn into mental problems such as anxiety and panic attacks.

this site helped a friend of mine and i hope it helps you too. you can find numbers of people who can help you deal with it and also you can get from it a booklet on the procedure of what the police have to do when rape has been reported.

i hope this helps good luck x

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