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female
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*endi
writes: What shoud I do? I have been married for 10 years with 2 young children. Last summer my husband told me he loved me but he wasn't in love with me anymore. I told him that love changes, but he doesn't want to listen. We have stopped having sex because he says he doesn't want to send me the wrong message. I feel betrayed and very depressed. I don't want my children to suffer through this. I have a lot of guilt even though my husband says how he's feeling has nothing to do with him. I've begged him to get therapy, but he says no. I feel very trapped. Please help.
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female
reader, angels27 +, writes (1 August 2006):
honey i used to feel the way your husband feels. I used to say to my husband what he says to you and now i regret it. I belive he does love you or else he would have already left you, like mine did. You might feel you want to leave him, but dont do something your going to regret later. believe me i though i didn,t love my husband ANYMORE and decided to seperate.He now filed for divorce and i feel awful.Try to do things to spice up your love life. 10 years is alot of time and you both have 2 children. One thing i recomend is pray to god.
god bless you.
-lupe
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 If he really refuses to get help and its bringing you down because of it then you may have to make the decision to jump ship yourself. You can try counselling for you that could help give you a clearer perspective on where you are headed and what you want to do. this might be the first step for you so that you are clear how you feel and how you want to treat this. I must say he is very unfair to be behaving like this towards you... maybe he has said those thigns because he is too coward to make a jump himself, or he doesnt want to look the bad guy to everyone else..or have the children think it was he that left, that isnt at all fair as the onus is left on you and puts you in an awkward position, as you cant carry on feeling so downheartned when he refuses to make an effort. I think over time our feelings for one another do change and the height of passion so to speak gets replaced with compainonship, perhaps hes looking for the passion and is skipping past what really matters a greater higher love between two people. Hes very calous to say no cant have sex as you will get the wrong idea.. what the hell is that all about ? It must be like living in a house with a stranger ? You have to do the right thing for you, the children will fair worse in a relationship thats gone bad as they feel the tension, i did when my parents were together, i was scared to leave home cos i knew mum wasnt happy and i couldnt leave her with dad, anyway she stayed in the marriage unhappy until we were grown up i was in my 20's before she divroced dad, i wish she had done it sooner, as it tore her apart but she stayed for the kids, and thought she could love my dad for the both of them,and that we would grow up the right way, im not saying its done me any harm, but i now resent my dad for how he treated mum and the bond we once had has lessened, i will always have my mum and shes the closest thing to me, not sure if it would be any better had they split, all i know is what i had to watch him put mum through angered me... so what im trying to say is dont go worrying about removing the children from a loving home, they will adapt, wont be easy at first but it would be so much easier for them not to have the strain that they will feel from you and your husband. At least they will see love from you and love from him, not two people just living together for the sake of it, they will feel it even if your not arguing they will still feel it, and its not a nice feeling and at times they wont want to be there. If you were to stay it will only get worse, the tension, the anger, the frustration. Tell him that your not happy how this is turning out and how it will affect your children, so unless he seeks counselling with you, then you will have no other alternative but to leave him for the sake of all your sanitys. If he is being that hardhearted there is nothing you can do to change is mind, then its not fair for you to have to remain in the situation. Maybe give your self a timescale, and see how you feel at differnet juncters and then if nothing has changed for the good, get yourself removed from this. YOu may want to ask him why hes behaving like this, sometimes when men have affairs they are in denial, just a thought it might not be, but there could be something behind it, but well from what youve said hes not likely to talk about it is he! I hope you have some friends and family that would understand your decision, and be able to help you should you leave, as it might be too much strain for you in your own, but counselling will help you along the way. YOu may want to speak to you doctor to see if he can help towards your depression also, so that the decision you make is a clearer one. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you do whats right for you, if you need to talk some more, feel free to message me.
Take care and good luck.
x x x
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