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I'm having gay fantasies; what does this mean?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 July 2006) 6 Answers - (Newest, 2 August 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I am definitely sure that i am straight! but sometimes i have dreams of doing sexual things with other girls (some i know, some i don't). Is this normal even when you're straight? I was thinking, maybe it's because me and some of my friends always joke around. Well, mostly 1 of my friends but still. I'm straight but i have nothing against people who arn't. I'm pretty sure it's normal but i figured i'd ask on here because you guys give good advice. =) Thanks!

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A female reader, kirstylouise United Kingdom +, writes (2 August 2006):

Hi there, this is really nothing to worry about. i am straight and yet i still fantasize about women all the time. Although i could never see myself doing anything with another woman.

I once asked a friend of mine if this was normal and she said the following: 'yes......woman often fantasize about other women because they can relate the pleasure a woman rexperiences during foreplay, penetration etc etc and therefore that in turn turns us on' does that make sence - i hope so! I really dont think there is anything to worry about!

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A female reader, kirstylouise United Kingdom +, writes (2 August 2006):

Hi there, this is really nothing to worry about. i am straight and yet i still fantasize about women all the time. Although i could never see myself doing anything with another woman.

I once asked a friend of mine if this was normal and she said the following: 'yes......woman often fantasize about other women because they can relate the pleasure a woman rexperiences during foreplay, penetration etc etc and therefore that in turn turns us on' does that make sence - i hope so! I really dont think there is anything to worry about!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

um i know i'm 100 % straight ..I could never picture myself dating another girl. I have a wonderful bf and me and my friend joke around like lots of girls saying oh yea she was good last night, etc. i'm not worrying if i'm bi or lesbian, i am straight. I want to know why a straight person has these dreams but the last 2 people gave good advice. Thanks!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006):

Ok, this is clearly worrying you - and I can understand why, as society makes such a big deal of homosexuality - but I don't think you should worry.

Reading between the lines of what you wrote, it seems to me that you're a bit too desperate to convince yourself you're 100% straight. Are you honestly not wondering if you might be a little bit gay? Being honest with yourself in these things is very important, I think.

I also think, however, that dreams (and fantasies, in case that's what we're talking about) are, by definition NOT REAL. I'm a lesbian and I have fantasies and sexual dreams about men, and they're very enjoyable! I don't think this means I actually want to have sex with a man. On the other hand, I'm not ruling it out - scientific research has shown that women's sexuality is more complex and more fluid than men's. Research has also shown that men are only sexually aroused by images of the kind of sex they want (straight or gay), whereas women are aroused by images of sexual arousal.

So in answer to 'what does this mean?', it could mean nothing - you just like sex like the rest of us, and have an imagination.

I believe you will know the answer by yourself if you just let yourself answer honestly. Are you attracted to women? If you've really nothing against gay people, then there'd be nothing wrong with acknowledging that occasionally you feel some attraction to women, even if you usually fancy men, and want relationships with men.

Lastly, what do you mean when you say that you and one of your friends 'always joke around'? Is there anything physical happening here? Is this friend 100% straight? I think you should think about it.

Sorry to have been so blunt, but I didn't think empty assurances would really help. Hope you get it sorted.

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A male reader, David Lewis United Kingdom +, writes (30 July 2006):

David Lewis agony auntI am 100% straight, (hopefully), but I have the odd dream too.

I think it is just normal and nothing to worry about.

Whe you dream of this, it feels right and normal to an extent within the dream.

I think of this and remind myself of dreams where I walk out of my front door and into another country with an ex girlfriend. The dream and emotions involved make it seem right and real.

Then you wake up and you ae like, WTF??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006):

I don't quite know if you're actually attracted to girls and fantasize about them, or if you're just subconciously dreaming about them. There is a difference. If they're just dreams, then your discussions with friends--and curiousity--is sneaking in. If you are sexually attracted to girls, especially if you are young and inexperienced, then you could be interested in experimenting. But if the idea of having an actual relationship with another female does not interest you, you are probably not gay.

That being said, I can definitely relate. I am in a three-year relationship with a man who will be my life partner. I never want to be with anyone else ever again. However, I fantasize about women too, but only sexually. I think sometimes the thought of a soft, smooth, feminine body much like our own is a turn-on and is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I am curious and interested in experimenting too. Sometimes I feel the way you do and question myself, but then I realize I don't want to actually be with anyone else. I hope that helped.

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