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female
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anonymous
writes: Let's see if I can make this short. September 05 my husband left to go help Katrina victims. The entire time he was gone he did not send any money to help me take care of our 3 kids. He met a lady that would "talk" to him and help him talk about our relationship problems. They talked constantly on the phone and at times he would not answer my calls for days on end. Later on he lied that he had his phone stolen. (I found it when he came home). Once he came home, broke, she would call in the middle of the night and hang up if I answered. He would turn off his phone to keep from having to answer her calls in front of me. (the phone finally got turned off for nonpayment) He racked up $22000 worth of bills while he was gone. He is back home now, not helping pay bills at home and spending money instead of paying off his bills. He is still lying to me. I found a To-Go phone that he said he used for the time. When I tried calling my house with it it worked! He claimed he was going to surprise me by calling. I have caught him in numerous lies because I can't trust him. I love him and want so bad for our marriage to work, but I am slowly killing myself with all of the stress. (I have lost 70lbs since all of this started.) I use to be a battered spouse by my exhusband and I am almost willing to say the physical bruises don't hurt as bad as these ones. What do I do? My kids aren't happy because I am not happy, but I am too scared to do anything but wait until he decides to leave me again. Right now he has the best of both worlds, a place to live, no bills, no one to take care of, and all of his money to spend as he pleases.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (21 March 2006):
 Seek help professionally, go and see what assistance you can get. See what your rights are as you and your children still need to keep a roof over your head and food on the table.
If your husband can take money away from his family and not put a penny into the home then he is not worth having around. OK you love him but if the price of love is for you to feel mentally worthless and for your children to be unhappy then something has to change.
Whilst he knows he can get away with treating you like this he will continue to do so. Pack his bags when he out one day and tell him to go and stay in a motel or something or with friends. It will hurt both you and your children but leaving it is hurting you even more.
You could always get the locks changed and seek legal help.
He has lied to you so many times and after suffering physical abuse from your first husband, you are right in saying that mental cruely is even worse. Bruises heal but inward pain takes a lot longer to heal.
Get strength from friends and family and let others know what is going on. Don't protect him anymore. He has left you alone to fend for yourself once already and if you are waiting for him to do it again then save yourself a lot of heartache and financial ruin by getting him out now.
Get your support in place first and then when you feel strong enough take the next step. Talk to your children if they are an age that can understand and ask them how they feel about daddy right now. If you can see it from their point of view then maybe that will give you the strength you need.
Good luck. I am always around to chat if you need a friend.
Take care and stay strong for both you and your children.
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