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female
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*inkerbell
writes: I don't know what to do. I am 36, married with 2 children and work part-time. My husband and have been happily married for 14 years but he has been having an affair for the last two years. I am devastated. He doesn't know that I know about it and I don't want to break up our marriage, for the sake of the children. I don't think I could cope on my own anyway, but I feel that I can't trust my husband any more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Like a told my man... I do respect myself, the one that didn't is him and I will have to live with that for as long as it takes me to get over it, I love him very much and thats why I decided to stay with him, and I do not care if it was a one-time only, he did it... why? I don't know but you have to be willing to forgive even tho forget is a hard part.
A
female
reader, Zrockstress +, writes (13 November 2005):
First of all MANY HUGGS to you! I know how devistating this can be and I all to well remember "D-Day". First and Foremost you need to BELIEVE in you! An Affair is NEVER the betrayed spouses fault. *YOU* so KNOW that.... Your world as you know it has ended. You have two choices now, and both are difficult ones. I FIRMLY believe however you MUST confront your H and let him know that you are aware of what is going on. The longer you wait the more time he and the OW continue their "honeymoon" I wish you the BEST of luck and if you are in need of some good reading material a book that helped me deal with my personal situtation was "I don't love you anymore" By David Clarke. It INSPIRES you to realize you are WORTH something! 3 years ago on my D-Day I thought I would die.... I'm LIVING... FINALLY LIVING and YES I am still with Hubby..... It's a LONG road but when BOTH partners are willing to walk it hand in hand YOU CAN MAKE IT... and make it a BETTER marriage than it ever was......
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reader, pops +, writes (16 October 2005):
Obviously you can't trust him anymore. And, you have not been happily married for the past 2 years either. Or, at least he hasn't. If you don't want him to know that you know about his affair, don't say anything. You can talk to him about your relationship, your sex life, his fantasies, what he would like to experience sexually but has not with you, etc. You might find out why he has found another( better, I am sorry to say, from his perspective) source of sex than you. This is hard to swallow, but you need to face this. Men stray from marriage to find sex when they are not happy with the sex they get at home. Other women don't seduce husbands, like you read in 19th century novels. Men may stray for a one nighter, but when its a long affair, something is wrong at home. Get some counseling, marriage, sexual, and anything else that may be involved, and then begin rebuilding the marriage you started. That means you have to talk to your husband about sex. The two of you may never have actually talked about the subject, and have just done it over the years. Couples fall into routines that become ruts, and remove all the possible romance in love making. That should drive both people crazy, but usually one hits the wall before the other spouse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): I dont know what to tell you to be honest you dont want to tell him you know because you dont want to break up your marriage yet you cant trust your husband .. you either need to tell him which might make him realise what he is doing and sort himself out and you two work through it making him understand you are struggling to trust him also raising risk of losing him .. or you carry on regardless ignoring it only you can decide what is best for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2005): You need to let your husband know that you are aware of his affair. Otherwise he will think he can get away with this kind of thing more often. I can understand that you dont want to be on your own, but if you can stay a relative or friend for a few days, it will help make a point that you can and will leave whenever you want.Then tell him he has one chance to regain your trust. Believe in and respect yourself.xSx
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