A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling really down. I need some advice or helpful words from someone who has been through this before. I posted on here the other day that I'm going through a separation. I'm having a hard time with it. For a lot of reasons I have to stay in the same house with my husband for now. We have had problems for awhile and he decided to leave me, came back, and now decided he is officially done again. I go back and forth on my feelings towards this. Sometimes I think it is for the best, sometimes I am sad and depressed beyond belief and don't think I will ever meet someone else. We are very different people but we do get along in the day to day aspects. And it seems obvious we want to be around each other. He is very social and I'm an introvert and a homebody. I'm very emotional and he is logical and robotic. Since I still live at the house, but in a separate room and separate floor, he will come and visit me. Says he loves me still. Then later says we won't ever work. I've been confused and going back and forth because of his actions. He explained to me today that just because he sees me doesn't mean he wants it to work, he just has a hard time ignoring me. He does in fact want a separation and divorce. And he doesn't want to waste time working on the marriage because he doesn't see it working in the long run. He is older than me and is terrified of wasting time. He wants to get back out there and meet someone else and have children etc. I feel like it has dragged on and made me more upset because of his actions. I kept believing he wanted me back and wanted to work on the marriage and it seems like a kick in the stomach all over again. He is making comments like "I don't deserve you" and other bullshit which just upsets me more. I'm terrified of being on my own. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of divorce. I'm scared I'm too old to meet someone else, which I know is illogical as I am only 25 but I can't help the fear. I was ready for children and now I'm starting over completely. I'm scared the problems I had with him will carry on with someone else and I'll never meet the right person for me. I already have the accounts separated from when we decided we were done weeks ago. And have plans for when I am able to move out in a couple months. I've spoken with a lawyer. All the logistics are taken care of. Now I'm just left with my emotions and having to deal with living in the same house together. Help me to deal with this. It's so overwhelming. I feel like I'm not wanted and it feels like shit. And when he comes around trying to talk to me, how do I stop him and not fall for it all over again? And when he does actually ignore me, how do I not have it kill me? It's so unbelievably painful.
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female
reader, crazylady88  +, writes (25 July 2013):
Get some self esteem & self worth & realise you deserve & can get better than what this man is doing to you? He's playing with your feelings coz he's unsure of his own.. If you have to live together for afew months make sure he knows your seperate.. Don't sleep with him! Don't let him tell you he loves you, shoot him dead & do not tell him you love him back! Get your life back on track, go out & enjoy single life & show him what's he's lost!! Good luck xx
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 July 2013):
Hi there. This situation is not being helped by the fact that you are still living in the same house, even though the marriage is apparently over.
Do you really have to wait a couple of months, till you can move out?
Could you move in with some friends now, or stay with your parents for a while?
The situation is NOT going to change, UNTIL you do finally move out.
And so I believe it will definitely be to your advantage in moving on with your life, if you could move out of the house now.
It will only be a temporary situation, until you can find a place of your own.
And to start again.
Don't think about the idea of finding someone else in the future.
It will happen when the time is right, and not before.
Once you move out of the house, you can start to get your life back into some kind of order, and start seeing your friends and going out with them sometimes.
The main thing here now, is that you need to be with people.
And people who you really love and get along well with, and who can support you emotionally, through this difficult situation you are going through now.
And it is far better to be in contact with close friends and family on a regular basis, than to close yourself off from the world completely.
To withdraw from life, is the worst possible thing you could do, and it tends to make you feel a whole lot worse, as you just go on stewing things over and over in your mind, and make yourself completely miserable.
And that is NOT what you want.
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