A
female
age
41-50,
*weetpea504
writes:I am a woman that has been married for 3 years just found out that my husband may have a son. I will not leave him but we are both trying to deal with the problem i personally think it was a trap for him because he was being stupid its not ok he saying that he hasnt decided to deal with it because i know of the woman and he said it was a mistake i was hurt at first but now im like whatever because i earned this relationship and im not leaving im also not dealin with it either i told him he respects my wishes he has no choice cause im not but if we dont make it thru this ill know that it wasnt real from the beginning he is all over me now guess hes afraid im gonna cheat lol! He should be but i wont its too much for me does anybody agree with me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): No. I do not agree with you at all. Sounds like you don't have a motherly bone in your body. Who cares what YOU have to deal with! What about this BABY? The way I see it is most women I know have at least a little compassion for any child, regardless of who's it is and would never think of one the way you're thinking of this baby. Whats wrong with you? You're ok with your man sleeping around but you aren't willing to accept the consequences of it? All I see is this poor kid has to deal with being born to a man with a wife like you. Can anyone say, Evil Stepmother? Good grief, grow up if you're sticking with this assshole. It's not about you or your marriage right now, theres a baby to think about! Wheres your sense of right and wrong? Or are YOU the only person you can care about?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 September 2010):
 Not dealing with this, will come back and bite you in the ass. You can not sweep another women & child under the rug, it doesn't work that way.
IF you think this is a man you want to be with, and that it is the relationship you want to have, you two need to work this out, a couples therapist/marriage counselor can help a lot.
You can have a successful relationship even after cheating, but you will have to deal with it. Sooner or later.
At some point the other women will want to receive child support.That is her right. This is not a choice for him to pay or not. It doesn't really matter WHY she got pregnant. This is not the 1940 where a pregnancy was a way for some women to "trap" a husband. That is NOT all her "fault" - as I'm sure you know, it takes two.
Good luck. Personally, if there was another "family" being created due to cheating I would be out the door.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 what do you mean he hasnt decided to deal with it and that you are not dealing with it either?
Have you discussed what is going to happen when the baby is born? Is your husband going to acknowledge the child as his? Is he going to pay maintenance for the child? Is he going to have the child for access?
How are you going to deal with any or all of the above if they happen?
There is an innocent child about to be born, its up to the three adults, thats you, your husband and the baby's mother, to make sure the world he is entering is full of positive people whose prime concern is his welfare.
Its time for you all to stop being ostriches and take your heads out of the sand.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I'm not quite sure what you're asking for but I'm sorry you're involved in such a crappy situation. But it's a bit disturbing how you referred to his kid & his responsiblity for him as "dealing with the problem". Thats a hell of cold hearted thing to say about an innocent little kid. Just because your husband fathered him with another woman doesn't mean he doean't owe it to this kid to help raise him, like he would any other offspring he has. He's still going to have to care for him in one way or another. He should teach him all the same lessons he'll teach his other kids if/when/already does have them with you. Either way, its not this kids fault your husband cheats on you & doesn't worry about it enough to prevent this kind of thing from happening. And it's not your call to decide whether this kid is going to be in his life. That's already decided (not to sound too religious but,) by God (and the law) when his dumbass took the risk of MAKING A BABY with a woman by sleeping with her. And since you're not going to leave him over this then you should look beyond your own selfish bitterness and be the better person and welcome this little dude into your family because it's HIS DAD and beause you JUST SHOULD! And you can't hold a grudge against anyone else if you've forgiven him & stayed married to him anyway! But hey, I understand how this would suck for a a lot of reasons to be in your shoes but that doesn't mean this kid has to suffer. You'de be a cruel bitch and he'd be a piece of shit if you two deny the kid his right to have a father and love from him. But I have my doubts & that's a sad thought. You both should just do the right the thing & stop thinking about yourselves. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 um....sex once and resuting pregnancy is not as common as highschool makes it seem. He did this more than once which means he continued to stab you in the back till something force him to be honest. He didn't even use protection obviously so he could have contracted a disease and gave it to you. WHere is the love in that? I have recently been cheated on for first time with the guy i thought i was going to marry. I threw him out. I am glad it did not happen after marriage but it has for you and my only advise is to divorce. Every time you look at that child it will hurt you and you may end up subconsciously being angry at the child which is obviously wrong. she will never be gone as she is this child's mother. how can you forgive and forget when its in your face the rest of your lives together. this will just hurt more and more. Divorce!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Hi,
I think its good for you to say you wont cheat on him. Cheating on your spouse is one of the biggest sin to commit, and just because your partner committed this sin dosent mean youll do the same.
But I am really glad to see you dont want to give up on your husband and want to deal with the problem.
So how are you planning to deal with the problem. Probably you and your husband take up the maintenance of this child, while he continues to live with his mother. I can only think of this solution;. Will surely be interested to know your thoughts on this.
...............................
|
