A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend gets mad at me over such petty things and then says awful things to me and breaks up with me. It's a terrible pattern and it's killing me. We are literally great one minute, then the next, out of nowhere, something small and trivial happens, and she blows up and says the most awful stuff to me. Saying I'm just a burden and I just drain her of her energy. That she doesn't even want a relationship because it gets in the way of the things she wants to do in life. That she doesn't want to deal with me because I cause her too much stress. She just belittles the hell out of me and puts our relationship down. she constantly tells me she doesn't want to be with me when she's mad like this. Thing is, I know she just says this crap out of anger. She always does this. then in a few days, says she let her anger get the best of her and I'm the love of her life and cries and apologizes and says she only speaks like that out of anger and frustration, and that she's working on dealing with her issues.Her venomous words have really hurt me deeply. There's only so many times you can tell someone they're worthless to you before they finally start to feel it. With all the times she's told me I'm not worth her effort, I really don't think I am. And I don't want to feel replaceable anymore. It hurts so much. I just want to feel appreciated and that I'm important. not someone who is a nuisance and wasting space. I can't take anymore. It just sucks because honestly, when things are good, they couldn't be better. This is a huge flaw of hers I have tried to be patient with. But it's killing me. What would you guys do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 October 2013):
 This should not be acceptable behavior AT all. Not in any way, shape or form.
OK so she gets mad, but he lashing out verbally at you basically abusing you and the relationship, it WILL NOT STOP. And you know what, I know many people with short tempers who DO NOT lash out at their partners like this, because IF they did, the partner would say, you know what? I'm done and walk away.
YOU, my friend ARE in charge of how people treat you. If you do NOT want to be treated this way, STOP making excuses for her, WALK away next time. Tell her, OK you don't want to be with me, WE are then no longer a couple. Then cut the contact. Don't beg, cry and coddle her when she treats you like shit.
You have tried in SO many ways to let her know how this affect you and what does she do? SHE don't give a shit. SHE keeps ding it.. WHY? Because it WORKS for her and YOU keep taking her back and forgive her actions. So thus... (in her eyes) it MUST be OK with you.
If you two live together, now would be the time for you (depending on who is on the lease) to move out.
Why are you OK with this? Because you love her? Well, wouldn't you think if she really loved you she would stop?
Love can't fix this. Only SHE can, and ONLY if SHE wants to. Because she doesn't HAVE to - you stick around no matter what, she won't.
WANT more for yourself.
You said it yourself :" I just want to feel appreciated and that I'm important. " She isn't IT then, because she could care less about what you want.
Walk away now, before you start to believe that this is all your fault and that it's somehow OK for her to treat you this way.... because she gets angry. That is a cop out BULLSHIT excuse.
Aim higher.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 October 2013):
I would tell her exactly what you wrote in your second paragraph, give her one more chance and if it still repeats, I would walk.
The moment I do walk, I call up some friends, grab some money and hot some serious bars, clubs, outings and generally just anything to get my mind off it. Doing simple things like that will make you realize how much you do have to actually offer.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 October 2013):
 What would I do? I would walk!
Especially as your question suggests this is on going and not a once off that could be explained away.
You have given her enough chances, next time she starts just pick up your bag and walk away.
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