A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend will not marry me because I am not a " Born Again " Christian, I am Jewish and we both are not even remotely considering more children since we have already raised our chidren.Also relevant to this statement is my age at 60 and she is 47 with her last two children soon leaving to attend collage .Am I doomed ?Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): Hello. Just wanted to add that it doesn't really matter what the situation is. There will always be complaints about "conversion" and etc., but being born again for the both of you is 100% important for your eternal salvation. Being born again is a term for receiving the Holy Spirit into your heart and often happens after you realize the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and that He really died and paid for your sins in full.John 14:15 If ye love me, follow my commandments.There may be instances where your gf is following some commandments and not others. Whatever is going on, the best answer that you could give is, "I trust in Jesus as my personal savior". Because all that matters in the end (which is death), is your decision on Who Jesus is. However, if you focus on the here and now and only aim to please your "flesh": possibly fornicating, worshiping idols (even yourself or your gf), then being "born again" has nothing to do with anything. Because that term is from the gospel and is an indicator of your salvation and how you will live a life that is pleasing and glorifying to God.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): This just means the relationship will never become a marriage. It doesn't mean you can't continue the relationship you've already been having.
You can't just change your religion to appease her because that wouldn't be a 'real' religious conversion, which is a spiritual and mental one. Just going through the motions of going to a church rather than a synagogue, and participating in the church rituals and talking church lingo, does not make one a Christian. If your gf is a born again Christian then she knows this. If she would accept you "changing" your religion all on her account, then she's not a true born again Christian in which case why does this even matter?
And that's just assuming that you would even want to "change" your religion, which you may not and you should not. Your religion is your choice and no one else's. If you believe what you believe, you have the right to openly declare it and not hide it.
So, your changing your religion is out of the question. and you can't change her beliefs either, you can't reason with someone that their religious belief is wrong or shouldn't be followed. She may in time change her stance on marriage but only she can change her own mind, you can't do anything about it.
therefore your options right now are down to (a) breaking up, or (b) carrying on the relationship without it ever becoming a marriage.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Ok, how long have you been together ?
Do you live together ?
Do you support her financially ?
Was she a 'born again' when you first met or is it since ?
Are you happy not to marry just to continue as is?
How is the relationship in general?
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 If she really loved you, these issues would have been inconsequential.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Is she having sex with you? If the answer is "yes", then the whole Christian thing is a cop-out. If she really refused to marry you because of your religion, she's also be observing strict anti-fornication commandments demanded by strong "on-fire" Christians.
I think it's a smokescreen and that she simply doesn't want to get married. I think she doesn't want you to get mad and end the relationship, so she's blaming it on something external because she doesn't have the guts to simply tell you that she's not into marriage. I'm guessing that her experience with marriage in the past was rotten.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (20 April 2012):
Is it an excuse? Are there other reasons why she doens't want to get married? I thought your question was going to be regarding a young idealistic couple not people your age. You are good enough to be with but not good enough to marry? I'd say there is something seriously amis, sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): Why would you be doomed?
So what if she can't marry you? She's your girlfriend isn't she? That can be a life long thing. This may well be a lifelong relationship OP you don't need marriage to prove that.
Just because she can't marry you doesn't mean she can't have a relationship with you seeing as you already have one so I fail to see what marriage will accomplish other than the tax benefits.
OP if it's a matter of just not being able to have a Jewish wedding or that she has to have a Christian one then just get a civil union. It is the same as being married in always except for the religious vows. It doesn't break tenets of either faith it's just a civil partnership as recognized by law.
But I still don't see why you would think you're doomed if you don't get married.
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A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (20 April 2012):
there are 2 ways of looking at it:
a) either you are so in love that you are ready to change religions to marry with her.
b) however, it can also be put that if she really loves you then religion wouldn't be an issue (i think that after a certain age it would be more about who you are regardless of religion), and maybe she would be the one converting instead!
if i was in your position i wouldn't want to change who i am because i think that after a certain age, you're certain of who you are and because i would tend to think that religion is superficial because you are with your gf because of who she is as a person and how she treats you and not because of what religion she follows.
I would try to talk to her to see why it's so important for her to marry a christian, but also so that you can expose to her your point of view, but also why and what you love about her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): Doomed to what? If you can be happy with never being married to her then nothings wrong but she may leave you at some point if she does want to marry again someday.
Some people are so staunch in their religious beliefs that they cannot and will not marry someone of a different faith. You are dealing with deeply held beliefs which do not change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): Yeah you're pretty much doomed. Religion is a sticky situation. Compromise?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2012): Something does not make sense here.
If she is a born again Christian, then how come she has children out of wedlock? So she will only marry another born again Christian, yet chooses to ignore some of the other beliefs that go along with it?
I don't know that you are necessarily doomed, as you must have been together all this time if you have raised your children who are going to college together. You're at an impasse and have to consider why you want to get married? Someone will have to compromise, or agree to disagree. Each live with their own beliefs.
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