A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, well im a 19 year old male, in a loving relationship (11 months now) and my girlfriend is great. Only problem with her is, she likes having things a bit "her" way. She can't really do much because her family has finance issue and looking for a job is hard with her illness condition. She also sometimes like to slip lies though when I tell white fibs she gets angry because her past experiences yet I expect the same conductance with her. We also talk over a program like Skype when we aren't at each others houses and she tends to lie stating she's "cooking" or her mothers calling. One day went on her pc to look at the history to find a website for my college that I looked up days before, notice pornography with the time stamps she said that she was doing those which she lied of. Is she ashamed? Or am I not satisfying her well, I am sexually active with her and I talked to her of this and understand that sexual activities with each other sometimes gets repetitive and we did different things but, she seems to watch more porn or last it longer than with me. Am I doing something wrong? I do spend time with her as much as I can and she's a gamer girl of the age of 18. I work and go to college while she waits back, I just need opinion for the outside source since it seems anywhere I go no one has the exact issue I do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): I'd like to throw that, she (my girlfriend) can't do much she has TB, can't have kids and as well she has anxiety. She or her mother has no job do I help them with bills as I can. Just recently for er to pay off the bills she told me that her mother (since she's a dumb bitch) looked on creglist for a job and found one they both can do, remember she is my gf. The mother wants to put her in some sort of a blind date, but the thing is that guy told his friend he has a GF, though not wanting to lie posted for someone to hangout with at a restaurant for 400$. She said I should trust her, which I do but.. For 400$ for her to "just be there" and I'm guessing he's paying fog both her to be there and her food sounds fishy. I'm currently at the other side of the US for my college education... And I'm worried for her safety.
A
male
reader, Good Friend +, writes (26 August 2012):
In any relationship that is worth keeping, there has to be trust. Her reasons for the porn are hers. She doesn't have to share those reasons with you, as what you do when she isn't around, doesn't need explaining. Bottom line is, if there isn't trust and honesty, there isn't a relationship.Trust and maturity will take you though a lot. Life is too short to feel the need to check up on someone.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 August 2012):
 It seems to me that every person with low expectations and perhaps lacking in self respect have the same "issue" as you do. If a person you are with is lying to you, and you know they are lying, why put up with it? You can't make them stop lying, but you can stop being the one they lie to. Just leave them! If they don't deserve you, respect you, or treat you right, then you leave. That's how the game is played. You don't sit around thinking they will change if you just love them more.
As for the porn. She probably lied because she didn't want you to know she was looking at porn. You sound very insecure about yourself, and you don't sound like YOU actually enjoy your sex life. Is the sex good enough for YOU? If yes, then why are you worried you're not enough? If it is bad, then why aren't you having that debate with her? Why all this sneaking around, and snooping on computers? Computer history don't just suddenly pop up out of nowhere, you went looking for it because you were suspicious/don't trust your girlfriend.
The lack of trust and confidence is the real problem in this relationship, not porn, not lies, not college educations. You want more than what she is willing to give, but you are afraid to leave her, so you're settling for less than what you want, which is making you unhappy.
If you're not happy with the way things are you talk to her about it and fix it. If it can't be fixed then going online to complain about it wont help a bit, you need to leave the person and find someone who can actually give you what you want. Period. People don't change, and you can't hold on to a relationship just because "a person might" change". But then again, you write that it is a loving relationship and that she is a great person.. so why the complaints?
This scenario is typical of a young women who thinks she should work hard to earn a mans love, without thinking that a man needs to earn her love in return.
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