A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there , my girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months . I we've fallen out a few times and she's said I need to make more time for my friends etc . She tells me that she has put a barrier up and it will take time to get that back down . We were very affectionate towards each other and she was the more affectionate ! I don't know what to do ! I just want to get her wanting to hug and kiss me etc and I'm stumped as of how to react and what to do ! Help please ! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 June 2013):
 No way. She doesn't get to play that game, just because you two had a falling out doesn't mean she gets to emotionally punish you until she feels better. Mature relationships do not work that way.
I have to tell you, at 6 months in when the relationship is still fresh and new, having multiple falling outs and now the "barrier" treatment doesn't bode well for your compatibility, especially if she's trying to get you away from her and spending more time with your friends.
Here's what you do -- you disappear. Give her about a month's worth of space unless SHE contacts you beforehand. People are funny that way -- when one person pulls away, the other tends to start wanting to move close. Case in point, you're going crazy trying to reach out to her because SHE is pulling away. Turn the tables and leave.
If she contacts you, or if a month has passed, then tell her firmly that if this relationship is to continue, there are no barriers, and issues get resolved without silent treatment or prolonged sulking or pouting. If she did contact you within that month, tell her that she is responsible for her barrier, and she is responsible for dropping that barrier. Tell her the ball is in her court but if this is the way the two of you interact after a falling out, then it's not going to work. As for what you two originally fought about, I can't help you there without knowing the details, as there are all kinds of fights.
If she lets you disappear for a month without any sort of contact, then the relationship is in the coffin anyways. Then you can call her, tell her that it's over, and that you're sorry it didn't work out between you. Then wish her well and move on.
Emotions are one thing in a relationship...shutting down and telling someone you have a barrier against them that will "take time" and basically dismiss the person to "go play with their friends" is disrespectful, and you can't let that little game stand for one second.
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