A
male
age
36-40,
*ames077
writes:Hey, I've found similar break up questions on the net, but i feel the need to get some specific advice. Apologies if i trail on, but i feel its necessary.Ive been dating my gf for just over 7 months, we've known each other for 2 years. Shes a unique girl, was in a 4 year relationship before me with a guy who treated her badly, she also has family problems, such as a distant dad and an alcoholic mother who she has struggled with. She claims these factors are the reason behind her unneccessary mood swings and lack of affection. She can also be soo nice, caring and considerate though, and that is what made me fall for her. We have the occasional arguement (most of which have been petty) but in general, have really got along and both love each other loads. We met each other through work, where, after a year and a half, she revealed to me that she had liked me since the day she met me, and i felt the same. I never knew she liked me as she was in a relationship with a guy from her school. Anyway, once she knew my feelings, She left an unhappy relationship to be with me, claiming she could not be with him anymore, as he was a bully, a cheat, abusive and the reason behind her reduce in friends.We have had an unusual relationship, where we were secret for the first two months, out of consideration for her ex, who she did not want knowing that she had moved on so fast. It was frustrating at times but i believed that over time, things will be amazing, It was worth it, we spent every day together, everything was great, exciting!! She told me she loved me after a few months n it was so great to hear. My only problem was this ex of hers, who continued to pester her to give him another chance, often sending abusive messages at all hours, i understood at first, but he was still doing it 5 months later!! which i thought was pretty pathetic. Anyway, recently, i was suggesting things such as changing her number, but she gave me the impression that she hoped he would give up and they could be friends one day, she would argue that he "was the main person in her life for most of her teens" and wasnt "all bad". I trusted she wouldnt go back to him after all the bad things she said he had done to her, mentally and physically. A couple of months later, she told me he had met a girl and was happy, i suggested she be friends with him, which i disliked, but thought would earn me some man points, it worked, sorta....Now to present, i go on a night out with family, i text her to tell her how much i love her, which goes down a treat. Im not used to going out without her, so i thought id throw some nice words to her. So, the nights over, i go to bed, happy days. A text message wakes me up sunday morning, "we need to talk" i was worried as everyone knows what that means, She tells me she needs to be alone...I asked why? It was such a shock?! she said that she has been in relationships that total 5 years, n wants time alone. She also claimed that her heads a mess and her family problems are not something i should have to deal with. I wanted to help her with her problems, often spending time with her family (they love me). Im heartbroken, full of questions, where has this come from? why so suddenly? has the ex said something? I havent done anything wrong? She's not the sort of person that i could see enjoying single life as her social life is not very outgoing. I cling to hope that she'll miss me and get in contact, as she always said she was lucky to be with me, and i like to consider myself a selfless bf, i always put her first n did my damn best to make her happy. Now the advice i need is I have been following the no contact rule, which i believe will be working, but she's stubborn, how long have some of you waited till you recieved/ made contact? I dont wanna push her further away!! Im eager to hear from her, its been three days, n we'd usually talk for hours every day..I have been left worried as ive been told the ex is now single, and i believe he will be trying to get her back again, i trust she wont take the wife beater back, shes reassured me, but i cant help but worry, especially since he was her first love. I want her back so badly, i wanna get this break up right so she'll come back, we also still work together n ill be seeing her next week, how should i act? what should i do? Any advice? Thanks for your time.
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male
reader, Kenj +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Sorry to hear that and what your feeling is all natural. Give her time to think about what she wants, dont contact her at all. Let her contact you if and when she is ready.
The more you contact her the more you will push her away. I know that sounds crazy.
If you do get back together with her, try giving her more space and a bit less contact then when you do go on dates it will be more to look forward to.
If she hasnt contacted you after about 3 months then you need to face facts and move on with your own life.
Dont put your life on hold now, go out and still enjoy yourself. The more she sees its not effecting you the more she will start to miss you.
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