A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is very needy and controlling and it causes us to fight. I do not know what to do about it please help. We have been dating for 2 years, living together for 1 year and things are going great other than this. Wherever I go, my girlfriend must go. Wherever she goes, she expects me to go. She often uses guilt trips to have me give in to her demands but it has created a tremendous codependency that is unhealthy. I think it has to do with her upbringing and the fact that her parents do not show her much attention. Her dad is always away on vacation with his friends or catering to his girlfriend or staying late at work as he is an executive. All he does is buy his girlfriend presents, take her on trips to france, at the expense of my girlfriend. For example, my girlfriend needed a car and it took forever for her to convince her dad to get her one even though he lives in a 3 million dollar house in a really nice part of Dallas and spends plenty of money on his girlfriend. When my girlfriend needed a parking spot to park the car, that was another fight. When she needed a dress for a formal at college, another fight. But no expense is spared for his girlfriend, who everyone knows is just using him for these perks and money anyways. In addition her mom is bipolar or schizophrenic or something, I am not really sure and takes all her frustrations out on my girlfriend pretty easily. She has no problem buying expensive clothing or travelling around the world with her boyfriend and being nice ot him but snaps at my girlfriend left and right. She criticizes her constantly and is often outright mean. Other days, she is nice. It all changes so quickly. The problem is these things end up affecting the way my girlfriend acts towards me and it seriously affects our relationship. Then the past couple of weeks some of my friends have been having their big bachelor party weekends. I have had 4 over the course of the past 6 months and 2 back to back the other 2 weeks. My girlfriend gave me such a hard time about going, and freaked out when I was away at them calling me nonstop and making me miss some of the fun to calm her down. Some of her friends girlfriends had been cheated on previously by their boyfriends at a bachelor party and it made her nervous and untrusting. They cheated with strippers at the parties. The thing is, I feel like she should know I would never do anything like that and not worry about these friends boyfriends because I have never given her a reason not to trust me since the day we started dating. She also knew my ex and my ex always told her I was such a trustworthy guy. Anyways, not sure what do do ya'll, can you help? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2011):
 You can't do anything. First off she has to understand that she HAS a problem and she has to want to correct it. Only she can work on a solution. Only she can build up her self-esteem you can't do it for her. Your only choice is whether you want to stay in this relationship and deal with her neediness while she works on her problems or whether you walk.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Your premise is flawed. No one can cause you to fight. You allow yourself to be drawn into a situation and you end up fighting. It's you you should work on then whatever she or anyone else does is no relevant. Zen my friend read up on it.
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