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My girlfriend doesn't say I love you anymore.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2010)
A male Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I think my gilfriend is scared. She's acting cold on the phone and not saying I love you anymore, she used to say it 10 times a day for months :). She just moved to my country to be with me for the winter but shes studying in a town thats not too close to mine. We havent seen each other for 3 weeks now since she found out she was coming....and we fought quite a bit during the last weeks about a guy who likes her where shes from trying it on with her and disrespecting me. Now shes in my country but being super cold with me on the phone? Is it a protection mechanism of hers maybe ? How do I make her feel loved and secre and not like im only staying with her because she's come here? and alos Im being super protective while she'll looking for a house in a City I know well , shes amazingly hot and thinks everyone is friendly...eaasy target for nasty guys. But I cant be ther to help her with work commitments! So Im sure she feels alone but burdened by me when All ive given her is greif for two weeks, even if I had reason to. Its like suddenly theres loads of downsides to being with me and no up sides left cos we havent seen each other. So im sure her feelings are fading. Its sad , I dont want us to breakup. Imagine hwo retarded that would be after her coming hrer to be with me and everything. We are only in our early twenties though i suppose but Man i would like to go alto further with this woman. A LOT further. I havent put myself out to be with her you know. Its her whos done that!

Im sure shes sick of reading my bullshit sentiments/ Shes a tactile girl, already she has some friends from her country living here, and i heard in her voice that shes attracted to one or two of them to some degree and as usual they are mad about her. So suddenly she sees options for her time here taht dont include me, Guys who see her in nothing but a positive light, cos thats how new shit works and Im not sure shes strong enought to remember why we are together when this kindof bad shit comes to mind for her. If I recoil and play cool I could end up with a girl who isnt attracted to me, similarly if Im super needy she'll turn off like a switch. How the fuck do you play this? I cant see her for another 4 days! Apologies for the ramble, i think writing that down has helped a lot :) I kno we're still mad in love but this is a critical week. faark, life is never easy.

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A female reader, Ampersand Canada +, writes (17 October 2010):

Ampersand agony auntYou need to place a little more faith in your relationship and your girlfriend. And most importantly, yourself! You cannot protect her from these "nasty guys", from what you described she sounds like a very intelligent woman, she'll figure it out - she is grown up enough to make her own choices and mistakes, she is not some naive little girl, so there's no need to be overly protective (it will just serve to frustrate her)...BUT please don't think I'm criticizing you, I know you're just worried because you love and care for her.

You're both going through a really stressful time and usually our partners get the brunt of our frustration, I'm sure that's the reason you're fighting more. Relationships (as life) don't always run smoothly. I honestly believe that getting through such difficulties serve to strengthen a relationship and bring couples closer together.

So how about next time you speak to her, you both make plans for a nice romantic date? Stop focusing on the stresses (for they will pass) and start celebrating the fact that she is living closer to you!

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A female reader, charisma dela cruz Philippines +, writes (17 October 2010):

charisma dela cruz agony auntwell sorry if my direct words might hurt you, in my idea she felt tie on you that causes her not to even move freely.

i know you admire her a lot but sometimes it is painful to love someone who cannot sow that she loves you to. you dont need to force her saying i love you it is not only the key to show unto you that she cares and love you, or maybe she's shy to say it or even worst is she didnt like to repeat the word 143 everytime she replied on your txt. my dear the best thing that you can do is to talk to her in personal about this and im so sure that there's a big deal problem on your girlfriend behind this. but wait are you a showy person? if yes maybe you are then finding someone to make it feel for you to thats why.

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A female reader, soinlovededra United States +, writes (17 October 2010):

maybe you should ease up on her just alittle if u say youve been griefing her these last few weeks. Have u made her feel welcomed at all to your country ? She's probably just scared about the new surroundings and is looking for someone to turn to and embrace her. So try not to nag but just tell her how you feel. Have you asked why she doesnt say i love you anymore ? See why she's feeling the way she does. try to understand the situation from her prespective.

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