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My girlfriend cheated twice, can she really mean it when she says she loves me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 24 July 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a few years now and she has cheated twice. The first time she cheated was early in our relationship, but I decided to give her a second chance. After that we became really close and she told me that she never cared about anyone as much as she does me... But she cheated again recently and I don't know what to do. We're in a long distance relationship right now, and I think that may be why she's cheating. She told me she doesn't know why she cheated. She told me she knows she wouldn't cheat if she I wasn't so far away, she said she would move in with me in a couple months and that she knows everything would be great. I still love her and I want that I know that I could trust her again in time, but I'm not sure if I should. I tried breaking up with her, but she begged me not to and said that she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but if she really believes that then why would she cheat? She says she can open up to me about anything and she feels safe around me. I just really don't know what to do! I'm so confused, I love her and I want her to be happy, but I don't know if she really feels the same way or if it's all just another one of her lies... Does she care about me the same way? Can she love me as much as I love her when I can't even consider doing that to her?

View related questions: long distance

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010):

Look bro if u say u love this girl right here really thnk bout it? Do u?? U hav plenty 2 offer and u dont have to stand for your girlfriend cheating on you twice! Fool me once shame on u fool me twice shame on me. U sound like a great guy don't put up wiff it! And if u really love her and u wana hive her a 3rd chance tell her "she on a thin line wiff u" Ikno how u feel I have the same problem wiff my girlfriend exept she won't cheat she know who daddy is lol

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

I have a long distance relationship too. It's hard for me because she need to communicate with me every day. I am having hard time like him too. I don't know if it is a lie or not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for everything, posting on here helped. I don't think she even knows what love is... I think that's my answer to this question. She just doesn't know any better. I feel like all of it was a lie, but I guess I'll just have to move on. That's all I can do.

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A female reader, Chantelle x United Kingdom +, writes (20 February 2010):

Chantelle x agony auntYou need to stay strong and work out what is best for you. As if you are thinking the way you are there is clearly no trust there. You need to really consider whether you could go through this hurt all over again... i know that i couldnt as much as i loved someone.

Hope this is okay. Good luck xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The thing that bugs me the most is that she said she has never cheated before (Excluding one time in middle school which I don't count against her). And both times she cheated, it was with an ex (a different one each time). I guess that leaves me feeling a little insecure. She also said she hates long distance relationships, and usually breaks them off. So maybe it is the distance, or maybe it's because she likes the attention... I don't really know. She hasn't given me a real reason for why she did it. She said she never lied about loving me, but I'm starting to think that was a lie too. I don't think while I'm rationally thinking that I'll give her a third chance, but she could manipulate my emotions and make me act irrationally... She did it the first time and she'll probably try to do it again, I just hope I can stay strong. I still love her even through everything she's done. I just wish I could understand why I'm the first guy she cheated on...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

If you love someone, you don't cheat on them...ever!

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A female reader, Chantelle x United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2010):

Chantelle x agony auntIn previous experience they say they love you but if they did why would they cheat. If it was a once off, then that is possibly forgiveable but as she has betrayed your trust even more i think you would be better moving on as much as she begs. I have always said once a cheat always a cheat and nine times out of ten its true. She could be the exception but how do you know.

Just picture this, she moves with you, you are both really happy together, dont think things could go any better as everything is going great. THEN a few months down the line she cheats again! She couldnt use the excuse of the distance... If she loved you as much as she said she would have waited until you were together however far the distance, surely.

It is up to you at the end of the day. Good luck with what you decide and i do hope this has helped slightly. xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

We as people all make mistakes in life here and there. With your situation, something like cheating shouldn't happen, but life is life. There is no excuse for it at all because then that's saying it's okay to be done and then the person who did cheat does not respect the relationship. With that in mind, if it had been me my girlfriend and I wouldn't be together anymore. Once, things could possibly be worked out, but twice is one too many and in my opinion the relationship should be over. That means that you're not doing something right in your relationship to where she has to go and seek otherwise somewhere else.

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